"I know what it feels to be unable to escape the role that has been set on you since birth, but I do not know how it feels to be born without privilege. There are many in our world that tell us that there is little that matters more than who our parents are, and he listened to them. He was told what he would need, to have safety and security in this world, and he was not -"
Lan Xichen falters here, briefly. This is the part that he has gone over most in his mind, that he considers one of the ways in which he failed the most. Meng Yao had not trusted that Lan Xichen would support him - and why should he? Why should any of them have ever trusted that Lan Xichen would have acted after the war was over, with Cloud Recesses still in ruins and his Sect needing his focus, why would they ever believe he would take a risk for them?
He should have stood in front of Jin Guangyao and told Jin Guangshan that it was unacceptable to treat one's son in such a manner, he should have let his uncle handle more and played for Mingue every day if he had to, he should have he should have he should have.
But he had pretty words, and they always seemed to work so well. He had foolishly believed they would have any lasting effect. It seems it was easy for others to agree with them, and then do whatever they wanted when he was gone.
"- he was never able to truly believe that he had other options. There was only ever one way to him, and even when he realized that route would not get him what he wanted, he was blind to everything else that might."
He runs his thumb over the back of Huaisang's hand, his voice getting even quieter. "Those who disdained him when he was Meng Yao and his efforts might have been honest loved him when he was Jin Guangyao and his actions were not. Those who praised Wei Wuxian's talents in the war decried them when they were no longer useful. There are times when I have wondered if it could not be said that our world shapes people into doing what they must to survive, and then punishes them for it."
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Lan Xichen falters here, briefly. This is the part that he has gone over most in his mind, that he considers one of the ways in which he failed the most. Meng Yao had not trusted that Lan Xichen would support him - and why should he? Why should any of them have ever trusted that Lan Xichen would have acted after the war was over, with Cloud Recesses still in ruins and his Sect needing his focus, why would they ever believe he would take a risk for them?
He should have stood in front of Jin Guangyao and told Jin Guangshan that it was unacceptable to treat one's son in such a manner, he should have let his uncle handle more and played for Mingue every day if he had to, he should have he should have he should have.
But he had pretty words, and they always seemed to work so well. He had foolishly believed they would have any lasting effect. It seems it was easy for others to agree with them, and then do whatever they wanted when he was gone.
"- he was never able to truly believe that he had other options. There was only ever one way to him, and even when he realized that route would not get him what he wanted, he was blind to everything else that might."
He runs his thumb over the back of Huaisang's hand, his voice getting even quieter. "Those who disdained him when he was Meng Yao and his efforts might have been honest loved him when he was Jin Guangyao and his actions were not. Those who praised Wei Wuxian's talents in the war decried them when they were no longer useful. There are times when I have wondered if it could not be said that our world shapes people into doing what they must to survive, and then punishes them for it."