funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 002

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TEST DRIVE MEME 002

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THIS IS OUR GET ALONG SHIRT

You haven't been at the hotel long when you run into another Oyster. Hardly unusual for the hotel, after all. But there's something about this person, something that draws you in. Do you know them? Perhaps they're from your world, perhaps you've seen them around the hotel before, or perhaps you've never met at all?

No matter. Hopefully you enjoy this person's company, because suddenly you're unable to go more than a few feet away from each other. Maybe it's like a cord that snaps you both back together when you try, invisible but somehow there all the same. Maybe it's a feeling, a desire to stay together, a fear of being apart. Maybe it's physical pain when you're separated, and the sensation of comfort or pleasure when you're together. Maybe it's any combination of the above.

Whatever it is, looks like you'll be getting to know each other very well. The connection doesn't appear to be going away any time soon.

II. HONORARY STAFF FOR A DAY

It seems the hotel is a little short-handed at the moment. Why? Oh, no particular reason. These things happen to every establishment, of course. But since you're here, would you mind lending a hand? It's a two person job, and the staff member giving out assignments is just far too busy to help. Find a partner and report to your assigned area! They're preparing for something very exciting the Queen is putting on for guests. And of course, you'll be rewarded for your assistance.

There are a number of possible tasks that you could be assigned to.

Perhaps you'll be asked to assist with food preparation. You and your partner will be granted temporary access to the back area of the buffet to work with the kitchen staff — you can cook, can't you? Well. Perhaps you can put together some sandwiches. It will soon be clear that the food you're helping to prepare is all things that would be perfect for a picnic. Staff members will cheerfully inform anyone asking questions that the food is for the Queen's special surprise.

Or perhaps you'll be put to work sorting and cataloging a large inventory of items. Sleeping bags, tarps, pillows, toiletries, first aid kits, fire starting materials; all must be counted and sorted. A staff member will hand out a number of backpacks, and request that each be packed with one of every item. Not to worry about the size — each pack will have exactly enough room to store all the items.

Still others may be placed in a room lined with bookcases overflowing with books and loose leaf pamphlets. Examination of these will find that all are related to identifying native Wonderland plant life. Some are about edible plants, some discuss those that are medicinal, or poisonous, or likely to try to eat you should you get too close. Buried in all of that, you may even stumble across a particular poem. You will be given heavy card paper, pens and water colors, and tasked with condensing the information into portable, easy to read info packets.

At the end of the work shift, anyone who assists will have the expressed gratitude of the staff members they supported. They will also find an additional item from home, aside from what they were carrying with them, waiting for them in their room.

III. TIME TO UNWIND

What better way to unwind after a long day of work than with a massage? A staff member will hand you a token for the hotel spa. Yes, yes, all services are free, but this is an enhanced service. Premium massage oils, access to a relaxing tea, the devoted attention of the most skilled massage therapist, all for you.

When you arrive to take advantage of the offer, you'll find another Oyster waiting there as well. Did the staff member not mention it was a couple's massage? Oh dear, it must have slipped their mind. Or perhaps they just assumed, given how so many of you Oysters seem to be in pairs. Well, you're both here, you might as well take advantage of it.

Or perhaps something that gets the heart pumping is more to your speed than relaxation. A staff member may excitedly tell you about a rave occurring at the The Rabbit Hole nightclub. Invitation only, of course, but the staff member is happy to tell you the code to get in.

There is indeed a party in full swing at the club that night. Live music, flashing lights, alcohol flowing freely, the works. You may find that the alcohol packs more of a punch than you're used to. You may even find that drinks that are supposed to be nonalcoholic, ones that you've had before in other parts of the hotel, suddenly pack quite a punch as well.

It's all in the name of enjoying yourself, right? Hopefully you won't be too hungover in the morning.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

For purposes of the TDM, you're welcome to play with having more than one linked partner! If you choose to app in the next round after playing on the TDM, there will be an extra add on to the application for you to claim your additional item from home. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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[that's fine, he doesn't need an explanation right now, but he'd ultimately like one. ‘time does not move correctly here,’ has sizhui's eyebrows lifting with consideration, even though his mouth twists into a faint grimace.

whatever it means, it's not sounding good, and when wangji says wei ying hasn't met him yet in their world, his expression falters further.

with the item in his hands proving to be a decent distraction right now, he gathers himself, pours all his willpower into not thinking about how after he'd started remembering things, wei wuxian still doesn't know him. but that's alright because hanguang-jun is reassuring him that he'll be happy to see him, anyway.

he smiles faintly, glances up from where he's schmearing bread with mayo and adding the vegetables.] I'll be happy to see him, too. [a beat] I'm also glad to see you.

[ He doesn't need to be told that, but he's happy to hear it all the same. He nods his agreement, because he doesn't want to go into how he's missed Sizhui, how he's told both of the Wei Yings that A-Yuan is still alive, but he made them promise not to tell him, so he could remember for himself, and that day wasn't far ahead.

He won't tell Sizhui what a good moment that was for all three of them, how emotional it was, how he got to tell one of them that Sizhui was like a son to him, the most precious thing, that given a second chance he wouldn't do anything differently if it meant Sizhui's absence.

Instead, he puts his bread atop his sandwich, and slices it in half diagonally. ]

You do not have to eat this later, if you do not like it.

There are all sorts of other foods in the dining hall.

[more memories have been coming back, particularly now that he's made the assurance he's a-yuan. each and every day, little fragments piece themselves back together, he recalls another thing like with the spicy food or wei wuxian burying him in the soil so he'd grow.

if there's one thing he's bound and determined to never forget anytime soon, it's the way his father had reached for the ribbon around his forehead, how he'd accepted, leaned into the touch as further reassurance toward yes, i am still your son! because it was the truth. then the ridiculous leg-clinging coupled with more affectionate headrubs and hanguang-jun smiling— he's almost certain he'll be hard pressed to find a better moment, but he's definitely not unwilling to make more.

taking the few seconds he needs to see how lan wangji finishes the sandwich, sizhui does the same, hesitates a moment before holding his hand out for the knife. he should probably find one for himself... except that means finding another.]

What sort of variety do they have? I will at least try this, I suppose, although it's good to know there are options.

[ He hands Sizhui his knife, and goes to look for another for himself, because even though he is no more familiar with this kitchen setup than Sizhui is, he remembers his first few days to be very disorienting in general. And, despite always having raised Sizhui to be independent and having tried not to favor him over the other disciples, no one else is here to see how Sizhui is clearly his favorite. ]

There are all sorts. Vegetables, meat dishes - and something called soda.

[ He likes to warn everyone about the soda. ]

It is a beverage whose flavor I can only describe as "sharp."

[ Actually, he quite likes plain soda because it tastes bland and medicinal and gods help him that in a world he can eat whatever thing he wants, he still mostly adheres to the Lan diet rules and strays only for the sake of Wei Ying wanting him to be more adventurous.

There have been enough misses that he sticks to familiar friends like mushrooms and bok choy, but occasionally he'll find something new he likes. Like kale. He is definitely going to be showing Sizhui kale. ]

Oh, [comes softly as he accepts the knife, though before he can protest lan wangji going to look for another, the man is already gone. sizhui wrinkles his nose, sheepishly downcasts his gaze as he turns back to the sandwich, takes the few seconds he needs to cut it into two triangles like hanguang-jun had done. honestly, he's not embarrassed by the favoritism, he's embarrassed that he enjoys it. at least he's his usual observant self and watches where he gathers another utensil from.]

So...da...? It's something you drink?

[and how is a drink ‘sharp’ in whatever sense? like it cuts going down as if one was swallowing glass or—? oh, that sounds awful! it surely couldn't be anything such as that, goodness no.]

Hanguang-jun, [sizhui chimes, attention momentarily diverted (enraptured, really) by the idea,] once we've finished here, may we try some? Perhaps, if you aren't too busy, we might go to the dining hall together?

You could show me some of the things you've tried! I'm curious about what all they have here besides— [a fleeting glance down again then right back up, his mouth quirking on one side.] Well, besides what we're making. [maybe he's a little more wary than he's letting on, after all.]

[ That's why Lan Wangji prefers to eat the simpler offerings, like sauteed spinach with garlic. They couldn't possibly hide anything in there, or in the salad bar, so he often stayed away from anything that had too much preparation or was drowning in sauce.

Especially barbecue sauce, but that was mostly because he found the taste to be too sour, and also much too sweet at the same time.

He is really not used to the kind of food that everyone else here seems to like. ]

My schedule is free after this. I will accompany you to the dining hall.

[ And show him all the things that are safe to eat. It would be kind of rude to let Sizhui figure it out himself, after all, and if Hanguang-Jun likes to spend time with Sizhui who he hasn't seen in a few months, then let it be known. ]

[that actually sounds far better than whatever these sandwiches are. maybe one without the almost foul-smelling yellow stuff on it wouldn't be awful, but the longer they stand here and put them together, the less appetizing they seem.

barbecue sauce would be another thing he'd think is overwhelming, too. it at least would have two flavors and wouldn't be— what was it, mustard? terrible! unnaturally-colored while tasting far too... too something, he can't put his finger on it just yet. whatever it is until he figures the proper word out: it's not good.

he brightens significantly, finishes plating the sandwich halves on a large serving platter then returns to begin the process all over again.]

Ah... thank you, Hanguang-jun! [despite his very best efforts, sizhui can't get his grin to fade completely, but it does soften into something manageable, something more appropriate of a lan.]

How many more of these do you think they'll need?

[ They make quick efficient work, because they have an assembly line and because they work well as a team. Sizhui and Wangji just fall into lockstep, which makes sense, as Wangji has taught him everything he knows and Sizhui is a sponge. He'd always only needed to be told something by Wangji once, and done it. He was so obedient, so quiet, the perfect child grown into a perfect young man.

But that also means they make good time, and they do so with no complaint, even if the mustard is too odorous and the slices of cold-cuts are just too thin to be appetizing. ]

We will finish with the ingredients they gave us. If there are no more left, we cannot work.

[ The bread, also, is just not to his liking. He wonders if maybe they would just give him ingredients and let him take over, and for once, cook a meal for his family. He'd have enjoyed that quite a bit.

He does check their containers, and gladly reports: ]

We are nearly finished.

[sizhui nods understandingly, continues right on working, conscientious and measured with ingredients, cutting then plating. their supplies are dwindling before long, but he hasn't exactly noticed yet, too content to have fallen into something rhythmic and slightly mindless, something oddly stress-relieving alongside lan wangji.

an unsurprising thing there, given he's regarded the bread after the sandwiches are all put together, wondered if it would end up absorbing the wet and-slash-or oily condiments the slices have been smeared with. something inconvenient to eat automatically seems more unappetizing in his opinion.

he glances between what remains of their sandwich-makings, lets the smallest smile curve his mouth at the edges then nods firmly.] Good, then we can go find something that might actually be decent to eat. [oh, whoops!]

I, ah... [well, it's not wrong, per se?] Probably should've worded that better.

[ Lan Sizhui was as polite as Lans come, one of the brightest students that Lan Wangji had ever had the pleasure of teaching, though it helped that his pupil always did everything he requested with no questioning.

But, he had never gotten Lan Wangji's severity, his iciness.

Lan Sizhui was approachable, kind, and regarded as warm. And so, when he lets those kinds of things slip, Hanguang-jun should issue a punishment; there's a rule broken in there somewhere. But he can't bring himself to do so. ]

Mm. You speak the truth.

[ But soon they are done putting together sandwiches, and in fact, can go and find something decent to eat in the dining room. He undoes those awful-feeling plastic gloves, and throws them in the trash, then goes to wash his hands before they can head into the dining room. ]

[there are moments in time where he must use that acuteness he's acquired, yet keeps hidden underneath the polite and kind demeanor. like when the quartet is arguing over something and sizhui's the voice of reason because he's the one watching everyone else at each other's throats.

actually, if he recounts those times, it's a lot more than he would've imagined. more than he can count on one hand, even! but being amiable and well-disposed is what he prefers showing people, giving kindness in return for (what he hopes would be) the same. he knows he shouldn't smile frivolously or laugh for no reason, though they're also told: “do not be miserly,” and how does one show they aren't constantly unhappy if they can't smile every now and then?

and when lan wangji agrees with him, it's not quite heart-stopping, but he is somewhat surprised.] To the best of my ability, regardless of being unsubtle.

[once they've finished completely, sizhui does the same with his own gloves, waiting patiently at hanguang-jun's side while he washes up and copying that, too. before they are out of the room entirely though, he abandons the apron on a nearby counter then hurries to catch up.]

[ Lan Wangji still makes every move deliberately, with care, hanging up his apron, waiting at the door for Sizhui to catch up as he always does. He and Wen Ning, somehow, like it's a trait inherited instead of one learned.

He guides Sizhui out to the dining room whereupon he takes two trays for them and places them on the little metal bars to hold trays at buffet lines. The first order of business, is leaving the line to go fetch Sizhui a seltzer from the soda fountain, and placing it on his tray. ]

They call this soda.

[ Literally, in Chinese, "gas-water." Weird, right?

But enough with the soda, it would be too sad if that's all that went on their trays. He does end up snatching some things from the line that look good; if Sizhui were any younger, he would have filled up a plate on his behalf instead. But he is no longer a young boy, he is a young man. Hanguang-jun will not embarrass him as such, even if no one is around to see it.

(But maybe, just maybe, someday down the road, he could be Sizhui's father instead of his superior, and embarrass him like this just a teeny, tiny bit.) ]

[what a thing to consider: wen ning and sizhui having the same mannerisms. it wouldn't be completely unheard of, their shared bloodline kept in mind, after all. that, and they certainly spent plenty of time together in the burial mounds.

the disciple falls into step beside lan wangji first, trailing behind him once they reach the start of the lines. he glances at his tray, snaps his attention back up when hanguang-jun steps away to collect one of the drinks he was talking about earlier. it's silly, acting like if the man gets too far away, he might disappear... but sue him for being a little extra clingy whenever he's ended up in this weird world and one of his most important people is here.]

Hmmm. [while he picks the seltzer up and looks it over. ‘weird’ is the perfect word, actually.

he puts it back down right away, careful to not spill while he follows again, collecting a few things here and there. surprising no one, sizhui's choices are either similar or the exact same; he's still quite unfamiliar with the food here and though he's adventurous, he also appreciates that he can note what wangji chooses, make the assumption it will taste alright.

(please, hanguang-jun, dad him a little! he needs the help and wouldn't complain whatsoever, no matter the embarrassment.)]

[ Hanguang-Jun has some odd tastes that amount to what a vegan might describe as ascetic, so hopefully Sizhui enjoys his raw undressed kale and other forms of rabbit foods that taste kind of like medicine. Mostly, Lan Wangji just objects to the amount of processing in the food that makes it taste artificial, and therefore, eats primarily from the salad bar and from more of the whole, under-processed offerings.

On the bright side, if Sizhui doesn't like these foods, there's plenty of other items that might tickle his fancy, and no one will be punishing him for enjoying new ones here.

He finds them a free spot where they can both sit, and face one of the windows overlooking everlasting twilight. He has wondered about that, but it seemed low on the priority list of odd things about this place to figure out, so he hasn't thought about it any further than that. ]

The dining hall is always open, if you are hungry early.

[kale will be something new altogether, though there are a few recognizable vegetables on his plate (carrots and cucumbers), most of which are things he's eaten raw back in gusu before. perhaps, if he's feeling more venturesome later, he can try some of the other items that are offered at the buffet.

until then, he's also completely fine with eating rabbit food. (wouldn't be the first time after all, would it? and it won't be the last, either.)

same as with their food choices, sizhui's wondered what's going on when it comes to the twilight, but hasn't been nosy enough to ask any of the hotel natives; he feels it's safe enough to assume nobody except them might know and even then, he wonders if they'd only be given some offhanded answer for placation. that's not what he – or lan wangji, he'd safely guess too – would want.

surprising no one, the first thing he picks up is one of the miniature carrots.] Always? Odd, they do not follow a strict schedule.

[ He has always been a fan of carrots, but Sizhui had, for awhile in his youth, wanted to be with the rest of the rabbits, hadn't he? Seated there, eating whatever they ate, all getting picked up by Hanguang-Jun, softly petting their heads.

Even though those days were marked with sadness, he looks back on them and remembers mostly the fondness, the actions, the warmth that came from Sizhui and the happy words he'd babbled from filtering the words through the eyes of a child. ]

Mm. This place is strange.

[ That's the only thing he can say about it. It has strange customs, and odd practices. ]

Have you seen your rooms?

[following alongside lan wangji while going to visit the rabbits was, is and likely always will be something sizhui enjoys doing, regardless of age. sometimes, even when he goes by himself, there are moments he realizes he's eating the vegetables that'd been brought for them and has to stop. silly little habit he'll perhaps grow out of someday.

at least now, he's more sensible and eloquent, though no less excitable for the little things. like spending whatever time he can with hanguang-jun and master wei.]

That's putting it mildly, [sizhui giggles, lifts the hand not holding a cucumber and covers his mouth. rude again, but not wrong, either. this place is nothing like where they came from.]

Not yet, I haven't.

We will go, after.

[ That's the last thing he says before he starts to tuck into his food, which means he won't be speaking until after he's done eating of course. But he does finish quickly, possibly due to having all his meals shared now with Wei Wuxian who eats like a wolf.

When he's finished, he pours more tea for Sizhui because apparently he brought a tea set to their table? Of course he did!

He waits patiently for Sizhui to finish eating as well. ]

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TEST DRIVE MEME 002

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THIS IS OUR GET ALONG SHIRT

II. HONORARY STAFF FOR A DAY

III. TIME TO UNWIND

IV. WELCOME HOME

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