funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 003

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Anyone who participates in the second prompt will receive an item with a minor enchantment of their choosing! For players apping in this round, you can include it in your list of items. Current players can reply to the second comment on this page to receive approval of their enchanted item. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Married? Congratulations."

That's good news even here, right? Wu Xie smiles, turning away from the collection of possibly brass and base metals trying to appear precious to face the younger man fully.

"For formal wedding robes?" He may never wear them himself - four to six months, was this place just putting it on hold or was there something wrong with him still - but he at least can help someone else achieve that lifetime event. "I can help you out. Is there a type you're looking for specifically? Enchanted or just the best silks?"

"Enchantments here come at a steeper price than billed. Best silks are preferred." They will only be worn for a day and he will likely not take them with him when they return home - he will try, but if he can only take what he has on his person, he won't put them on - and yet, he cares that they are of high quality and make.

"What would you like in exchange for your assistance?" He is not used to getting things for free, but he is also used to being able to pony up for whatever he wants.

"Ah, I thought so." Of course they would. There had to be a little sting to go with all this supposed sweetness. "The traditional red?"

That would still constitute as a lot of silk, especially if he went for the proper layers instead of the Western-flavored style more prominent in his world. Was there a problem of the merchants not having enough wares or was it something more?

"Exchange?" Wu Xie blinked for a moment and then chuckled. "I just arrived so I really not sure what I need."

He will have need of something, sooner or later. "Surely, you will need a tour," he answers. That seems like a fair tradeoff. Time and expertise for time and expertise.

Though, he's also going to show Wu Xie the magic fountains which are really just automatic taps.

Then, after only a moment's consideration, he answers: "Red. And gold thread."

"I could, especially with someone who might have a few tips about this place."

Like what he needs to be careful around, what he can ignore. Points that may prove useful in the long especially once he regains his footing and works on a way to get out of here.

"Ah yes. You're doing the embroidery yourself?"

"If I must." He has no practice with it, and is hoping to find someone else who might be better, but he would rather have some simple embroidery on their robes than none at all.

"I will surely tell you what there is to know about this place," he agrees. He would have volunteered anyway, but he really does need this cloth.

He figures now that they have this deal, he should probably introduce himself. He backs away a moment. "I am, of the Gusu Lan Sect, Lan Zhan Lan Wangji." Okay, he'll bow.

"Good luck in your endeavor." Whether he manages to find someone who could do the designs or if he ends up doing it himself. Still, it was a joyous event in anyone's life and he must present his well-wishes even if he was not close to the groom or the bride.

Wu Xie returns the bow with his best attempt, noting that Lan Wangji must be from the main branch. It would fit in with the way he held himself and his names. He was slightly jealous even if he did have a title of sorts in certain circles, and of course his Uncle's Two men always call him Young Master, but still, it wasn't a noble title.

"I'm Wu Xie of the Hangzhou Wu, Fifth in the Old Nine families."

"Wu Xie," he repeats, because it sounds a lot like innocence, but it also kind of sounds a lot like no shoes and if that isn't just the most appropriate name for a place like this.

"The first thing you must understand, is that this place does not treat time linearly." Case in point, Lan Wangji is ancient. He's so ancient that if he weren't in an alternate universe, he'd be at least a thousand by now.

As he says this, he moves over to one of the stalls to select fabric, and picks up one that after a moment, he puts back. He doesn't like the feel.

His close friends actually call him that, or Naive despite it being years since he truly was either. He may still be softer than what was useful in his field but he wasn't as easily fooled these days. Still, the way Lan Wangji says his name has him rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at his bare feet. His father... he had truly wished for Wu Xie to let go of the family's past, didn't he?

"Isn't time just a fruit anyways?" He says that as he steps to the next fabric merchant, glancing over the wares before selecting a bolt of red. Good quality but not silk. He put it back down. "I've been trapped in places for what felt like years only to realize was only a couple hours."

"Mm. Then you will not want to get in trouble, or they will sequester you for a time." It was only twenty-four hours, and Lan Wangji who keeps good time in his heart, was only off in his guess by a few scant minutes.

He selects another one that looks like silk, but there is already a print on it, and upon closer inspection, the red-on-red print is depicting very childish-looking flowers which are unsuitable for his wedding.

He looks through more cloths, getting slightly dismayed.

"Me? Cause trouble?"

He attempts his best innocent look - all wide eyes and softest of pouts, making him look a few years younger than before before starting to cackle at the idea. He wasn't that innocent of a person; if something was going to happen it would, especially if it was the worse end of a bargain or the most impossible of choices. But on the other hand, he did have amazing luck.

Most of the time.

Wu Xie shifted through the offered fabrics and whistle softly, lifting a bolt of fine scarlet silk. He raised his eyebrows and tugged the corner out to look at the edge, seeing no loose threads and then glanced over at Lan Wangji.

"What do you think of this?"

He doesn't believe that man for a second, but it's alright. Surely he could not be more of a troublemaker than the man he is about to marry.

And even if so, he can be someone else's problem and someone else's husband.

"It is the best one so far." Which means, it is the only one so far that would work. He inspects it a little more, seeing how it catches the light, taking it off the bolt and draping it on himself, seeing how the fabric hangs. He keeps this one tucked under one arm, but continues looking.

"Let's see if there's any more," Wu Xie agreed. It was pretty good quality but it might not be enough for two people with a similar height and build.

The vender in charge of the stall was watching them warily and Wu Xie gave his best smile, cupping his hands respectfully and murmuring a few words to ease a little of that suspicion. He wondered if people did dare to steal from these people; the idea of buying hopes and dreams probably too great to keep desperate people from trying. The street markets he was use to, they had their own form of justice and rules though his family held a good standing among them. He at least knew the language and how to sooth nerves as he continued to browse.

Lan Wangji wouldn't allow him to steal from the vendors; they don't appear affiliated with the hotel and he wouldn't want to stoop to their level anyway, even if they have kidnapped him and forced that creepy rabbit on him threatening him with his fiance's beheading.

Yeah Wu Xie, it's gonna be like that.

Around the bolts of fabrics, he has his eye on a hairpin, and he holds it up and attempts to get Wu Xie's attention. He is requesting an appraisal, but says nothing.

He isn't that much of a dick; he has stolen from vendors before but usually those were the idiots who tried stealing from him first. His family was better known for their control of 'hellhounds' than anything else and few people liked to cheat them in case they decide to let their dogs loose, but Wu Xie was considered to naive, too gullible so cheating him was just automatic.

There was a couple more scarlet silks in the pile and he freed them from the others and set them also aside, turning to show Lan Wangji only to find him holding up a hairpin. He blinked and then smiled, taking out a jeweler's loop and leaning over.

"Not bad, a little dirty but that can be taken care of... I don't see any hidden repairs or any real damage. It looks just old but well maintained."

He does look over the cloths, and does select two of them that he quite likes, that might have enough for two people. He then asks, continuing about the hairpiece, "are the stones real?"

He doesn't want to present his fiance with fake stones and fake gold, clearly. He's a little bit shamefaced, being a man of usual means, having to resort to bartering with the only vendor that has come into town in order to buy bridal gifts.

Once they are done here, he owes Wu Xie a good tour, and an invitation later.

For that, Wu Xie folds the jewelry loop closed and runs his fingertips lightly over the hairpin's surface. While some people could judge with a look, his fingers were better for something of this delicacy and age.

"Nice quality of gold, just needs a good cleaning, as for the stones..." He pauses, eyes slitting open as he looks at it. "They're real. You may want to get something to fix a couple better into their settings but it's a good find."

He nods. "Thank you." He will have to figure out how to clean jewelry, but he is also very grateful for this find. He hopes that Wei Ying will like it.

He takes this hairpin and the cloth to check out first, but they request teas, which he has none of.

They do say they'll take it for each a bottle of tears and a bottle of laughter, whatever that means. Looking back over to Wu Xie to make sure he's not looking in this direction, he opens the jar and says, "ha. ha. ha."

It's loud.

It's terrible.

They tell him it's not adequate.

"Anytime," he replies as he continues to look through the goods. They were a mixed bag, but some were actually of good quality although none of it was something he particularly wanted or needed. Maybe later on if he was still stuck here and if he had a need for certain items, but for now, the stuff that came with him sufficed.

Turning towards Lan Wangji to ask him when they should meet for that favor, Wu Xie just noticed what he was doing. And it takes him a few seconds to control his initial response of laughing at the poor man's attempt. The aborted laugh had him coughing, and the feeling was back, a little, the tightness in his lungs and slight taste in the back of his throat. Wu Xie looked away, taking measured breaths until his lungs weren't trying to strangle him before addressing the vendor.

"Could I be of an assistance and help pay for him?"

The vendor suggests that yes, any other tears and any other laughter besides his own would suffice, so long as Lan Wangji is the one to procure those things.

He takes a deep sigh, because, what stranger wants to cry in front of another? How awkward is that?

The vendor suggests he will hold the items, for twenty-four hours, and then Lan Wangji can come back to claim them once he's gotten the payment. And no, he won't accept two bottles of laughter or two bottles of tears.

"I am not sure, master Wu, that I will be able to move you to tears."

Wu Xie nods towards the vendor, thanking uncle for his words and then looks back at Lan Wangji. He was a lot like Zhang Qiling with the way his face stays still for long moments, as if the idea of emotions was hard to show to others. He had gotten use to reading his Xiao-ge, and it helps a little to see some of what's hiding behind Lan Wangji's still face.

"You've already moved me to laughter, just a little," he says gently and motions to the one bottle he had made his attempt in. He didn't want to say it directly but still, laughter was easy, even if his sometimes ends with a cough.

"Tears though... I can suggest something that you could say to me."

"I would not beg your kindness for such a task," he answers, resolutely. After all, they hardly know each other. What a rude thing to ask of someone.

He does turn to the vendor to ask if the laughter will suffice, and the vendor gives him a weird look and hands him the hairpin wordlessly. Looks like he'll have to eke out some tears for that cloth.

"I have twenty four hours. I could not ask you for such this."

He wasn't trying to laugh at Lan Wangji. He really wasn't! Yet Wu Xie does chuckle in any case, holding his hands up to show he truly wasn't trying to be mean. He just wasn't that good with people who looked at him and saw someone kind and simple. It's been years since he was either of those, even if he seemed like it at the moment.

"Please, I'm curious to see how this all works. The goods I'm used to trading usually just go for money, or barter. I never thought tears or laughter could be coin."

Edited 2020-08-06 08:43 (UTC)

"Here, emotions are currency," he says as a matter-of-fact. He finds it quite annoying actually, and he's sure that Wu Xie will too after the novelty wears off.

"You would really let me make you cry?" he inquires, raising an eyebrow.

"Emotions, huh? I've got plenty of those, but mostly along the lines of 'how dare'."

Would he really though? Wu Xie might not find it too novel after a while but he would still question it. Why emotions? They weren't that hard to come by unless there was something fundamentally wrong with those outside them. Why? What happened to the world? He was already questioning it in his mind.

"A good cry is probably something I need right about now."

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

III. SECRET MESSAGES

IV. WELCOME HOME

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