funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 003

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Anyone who participates in the second prompt will receive an item with a minor enchantment of their choosing! For players apping in this round, you can include it in your list of items. Current players can reply to the second comment on this page to receive approval of their enchanted item. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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He nods, curtly, immediately. "Do not worry over me." There should be many years left for them before a son should start worrying over his father instead of the other way around.

It was just that this was part of the price they had to pay, and Lan Wangji was willing to pay it, devoid as he was of the usual currency. He's maybe feeling extra sentimental, as recently Jiang Yanli had come and gone, only for the briefest of moments.

He would take any time he possibly could, with the people he loves. He doesn't want to waste a single one before he returns home to the Cloud Recesses only to be again in a timeline where Sizhui is off for his first foray out of the nest, so-to-speak, with Wen Ning. And maybe it's because they have little here of home, and it's just so different, so strange. He wishes to give Sizhui only good memories before they have to discuss the serious things.

Hanguang Jun may not be grey and feeble yet but that doesn't stop Sizhui from worrying over him from time to time. He reluctantly nods to acknowledge his request. He holds onto the butterfly.

"Thank you, Hanguang Jun." He smiles softly. "You've always looked after me so well and I am forever grateful for it." He looks up at him, meaning all of it, knowing of his origins, how Hanguang Jun didn't have to raise him as he did and yet... "You gave me another chance at life."

He shakes his head. "You saved your own life." He had been clever, had hidden himself away. If Lan Wangji had been any later, he might have died of thirst. The poor child was scared to death, after having heard all his people be slaughtered.

He has told Wei Ying about the scars, and made him promise not to tell Sizhui. "I raised you because I wanted to." He could have given him away to another family looking for a son, but in those brief moments they'd met, he'd fallen a little bit in love with the toddler who'd hugged onto his leg and was so happy and obedient after such simple things as receiving toys and a good meal.

It would have broken his heart to see that little boy raised by another, not knowing what he was up to. And he'd had plenty of time, plenty of resources. He could have given Sizhui enough love, enough fatherly support, enough to eat. Were those not the requisite things for parenthood? And so, he'd taken on the task, not out of obligation, but because of Sizhui. There was no thank-you to be had for that.

The earlier years of his life were a blur for the longest time with shadows occupying the corners of his mind. He had a very happy childhood, despite Hanguang Jun being absent for the first few years. Sizhui had a much happier childhood once Hanguang Jun became part of his life: introducing him to his friends, learning the disciplines of their clan, even training to become one of the best swordsmen and guqin players of his peers.

Still. The praise has Sizhui smile to himself and look down at the butterfly.

"I can thank you for helping me stay well all these years."

He might have favored Sizhui, but he wouldn't have gotten where he is without his own hard work, without listening to Lan Wangji for himself, without being naturally talented.

How does he explain that to Sizhui?

"Sizhui, you are like a son to me. It is both a duty and a privilege."

His eyes widen. He wonders if he should press about the man's well being. It was rare that he was so candidly...vulnerable like this. Still...it is nice to hear such from Hanguang Jun, even if Sizhui felt and knew it without it needing to be said.

"As it is a privilege to have you as someone like a father to me," he says quietly, smile still shy as he says this. "I couldn't have asked for someone better."

Sizhui, a lot has happened lately, but maybe your old man is finally coming to his senses now that he's stuck in a place like this.

It tugs at his heartstrings to know that Sizhui thinks he's a good father, and that he did alright by him. Even though he's always been sure of his own skills, fatherhood was scary because anything he did before would only affect him, but then anything he did after would affect Sizhui.

His acknowledgement of this is to look at Sizhui with a soft gaze, but to say nothing. He is not fishing for compliments, nor would he want to turn this into a battle over who is more appreciative of the other.

However after a pause, he speaks again. "There is some news I must tell you."

"News?"

He nods and tucks the butterfly away in his sleeve. Sizhui moves closer and tucks his hands into his sleeves. Whatever it is, he's sure that they would be able to tackle it together.

"What is the news, Hanguang Jun?"

"Mn," he starts, because he isn't sure how this will be received. After all, he hadn't known his Wei-qianbei for too long, and hadn't really seen the two of them together except for in memories he'd just gotten back, and very recently.

Hopefully he can accept. After all, he had been willing to look past the Yiling Patriarch and to judge Wei Ying based on his actions.

He takes a breath, and says:

"Wei Ying and I... are to be married soon."

But he has seen how Wei-qianbei and Hanguang Jun interacted with each other. And he had not missed when "Mo Xuanyu" failed to use Hanguang Jun's title or even his courtesy name. And there were certain things that they thought they were being subtle about, when really...well, it was simply a matter of time between them, as he, Ouyang Zizhen, Jingyi, and Jin Ling wondered when they would say anything about any sort of union.

Instead, a bright smile blooms across his features, genuine and happy.

"Does he make you happy, Hanguang Jun?"

The question is merely a formality as his entire body language says that he knows that Wei-qianbei makes Hanguang Jun very happy.

Okay, yeah, they could have stood to be... slightly more subtle about the nature of their relationship. But he's still pleasantly surprised when Sizhui not only accepts them, but expresses real happiness at the prospect of the two of them marrying.

He nods, curtly. Wei Ying, while annoying him to no end every time something dangerous happens, makes Lan Wangji's heart glow.

And that this is Sizhui's question, makes him even happier.

"I would like for your input," he says. "Because you are family."

"Wei-qianbei looked after me when I was very young. He taught me things and he cared after me and the other remnants of the Wen clan. He did so without ever asking for anything in return. While he certainly did tease me as a child, he also made sure that I was never hungry nor sad for too long."

He smiles softly, recalling the shadowy memories of his earlier life.

"And when we ran into Wei-qianbei later...he looked after us again in Yi City and when we were at Mo village and Dafan Mountain. I'm very happy that the one who I had seen as an older brother and you in this union. Like--"

His ears turn red. Like a mother and a father finally reuniting. Like a family finally coming together.

"Like my family finally coming together," he says very quietly.

Even when he'd gone to visit Wei Ying in Yiling, and had met A-Yuan for the first time, it was... something nice. To be able to make him smile with a toy, fill up his belly with a good meal of absolutely no turnips: these were the things that had made him smile when they'd met, had carried him through some dark times in his life.

And so now, hearing that, even after all this time, he regards Wei Ying as family - not just in his gratefulness to him for saving his life, but as an older brother. Hopefully, maybe, as another parent.

Lan Wangji, who is most grateful himself, that his family has come to this hotel, that he has had the company of his brother, and his husband, and now his son, is moved to smile. It's a bare quirk up of his lips, but it might as well be sun shining through from behind clouds. "Very well," he answers.

It isn't really customary to get permission or blessing from one's children, but he feels better having received it. Like puzzle pieces clicking into place: right.

More like a mother. Yet Sizhui couldn't bring himself to say such a thing aloud. Especially about a man. But certainly as a parent like figure.

Sizhui beams back when he sees the smile from Hanguang Jun. He's elated at the prospect of both of his fathers uniting here.

"May I bear witness to the ceremony? If there is one?" he asks.

Probably best to keep that one internal, even if they'd all secretly agree; Lan Wangji is just more of a father figure for many reasons.

"We will have a wedding," he says. Originally, it was specifically so Jiang Yanli could bear witness, but this was just as special. "We would be honored to have you."

He should probably explain something else. "It will be a double wedding."

"I would be happy to attend such an event!"

He's happy to witness such an event and potentially be a part of it. A happy chapter is exactly what Wei-qianbei and Hanguang Jun would need.

"A double wedding?" he asks. "Who else will be sharing such a celebrated day with you and Wei-qianbei?"

Ah, how is he supposed to explain this. "It is a quirk of the Hotel. There are two Lan Wangji, and two Wei Wuxian." Yeah. Quirk is kind of an understatement.

"There may be two of you as well - but I have only seen one. Though our pasts may be... slightly different."

He wants Sizhui to know, that even if he is not the Sizhui he raised and this is not the Hanguang Jun he knows, that it makes their relationship no less valid. He will call any of the Sizhuis his junior, proudly. His son.

"...different?" he asks. "How different? Where in the past are you from, Hanguang Jun?"

It must not be too far in the past if Hanguang Jun recognizes him and knows him as Sizhui. He wonders if the Sizhui that Hanguang Jun left behind at home had been a younger boy, still finding his way with an empty head.

"No, I am from your future," he answers. "Only by a month. But the... events are different." How can he explain those? He starts with one of the more recognizable ones: "Mo Xuanyu sacrificed himself for both Wei Ying, but only one of them retains his original form."

That's what he means, different. Sizhui could belong to his world, or he could belong to the other established world. Perhaps he could belong to a new one, that they hadn't seen yet.

But in any case, he is still family.

Different. That was certainly different than what he had heard from Hanguang Jun and Wei-qianbei. He presses his mouth into a thin line then looks at Hanguang Jun again.

"In this time, Mo Xuanyu and Wei-qianbei were both...in the same body?"

"Mo Xuanyu is lost," he says, definitively. "But my Wei Ying regained his own form, and looks as he does before death. The other one, he merely looks like Mo Xuanyu. His soul is Wei Ying."

Sorry Sizhui, he knows it's confusing. It took all of them a little time to get used to.

That...certainly is confusing.

"Wei-qianbei is still Wei-qianbei. And that's what matters," he concludes softly.

Sizhui wonders if this means that he would gain more memories of his time in the Burial Mounds with such a familiar face.

"Thank you for telling me, Hanguang Jun."

"Mn," he says, agreeing that Wei Qianbei is what really matters, because he does, of course, love both Wei Ying.

"The two of you should talk. I believe you have much to discuss," he says, thinking that perhaps they should find Wei Ying and they could catch up. He anticipates there will be tears.

Plenty of tears. Happy tears. He nods in agreement.

"We all should talk. Together. There's so much that we could put together between the three of us"

Like a family. He keeps that to himself.

He nods and then he looks around. "I think he might be in the gym," he suggests. "Shall we go find him? Or is there anything else you would like here?"

He would gladly buy Sizhui more things before they go see Wei Ying, laden him with gifts so that Wei Ying knows his son has been properly spoiled.

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

III. SECRET MESSAGES

IV. WELCOME HOME

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