Lan Wangji could feel the depth of his words and feelings for him, cutting him deeply like a knife. Clearly, he wounded him, and perhaps, with him and his soultwin, just one of them is not enough. He felt his gaze downcast, a sudden heaviness of despondency weight in his chest. By his confession, he realized maybe he won't have his wedding after all...
"Wei Ying, I don't know. You're not that hard to talk to, and yet...I'm the one who has trouble speaking from the heart. When I feel its loud, I am silent." He said. "I waited this long because I was waiting on your recovery, so you'll be able to handle it." He explains.
At his explanation, he knew he was giving and kind, and yet why he feels so inadequate? "You are enough, and yet...I think both of our hearts wanted more. I want more of you, and yet sometimes..."
He drifted off in a pause, trying to find words. "Maybe it's not enough. And this place doesn't make me a trusting person as I used to be." It wasn't any of that notion. If anything, he confessed he's really insecure.
"I don't know Wei Ying. I just think...that I am not worthy of your love no matter what I do. You..."
Tears started to stream down from his golden eyes, tears that sting as he speaks with difficulty. "I just want you to look at me. When you give me my books, I am happy. But I wanted more. I want you to sit with me, read my poems, paint me a picture, write to me. Whatever you gave him, give it to me too, I don't know. I want everything."
Looking at him, "Do you think that's fair...?" And suddenly he felt guilty and selfish, and he wishes he hadn't brought this up. His intention is to don't keep secrets from him. While a measure of guilt left, he feels more emotionally exhausted than before. No, because the truth of the matter is, he doesn't want to give him up, and Lan Wangji himself is selfish.
Finally, his heart and mind are going around in circles until at last, he crumbles when Wei Ying started to cry. "Nevermind, forget what I said. I don't deserve you."
Quietly he gets up because both anger and pain are bubbling from the depths of him, and he goes to a nearby tree to vent his frustration and punches it in rapid session. It's going to hurt and make his knuckles bleed, but a million thoughts make everything inside of himself crumble into self-hatred over his pride and perfection that his clan taught him, and there's no word, rhyme, or reason to express the mixture of frustration over his relationships.
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"Wei Ying, I don't know. You're not that hard to talk to, and yet...I'm the one who has trouble speaking from the heart. When I feel its loud, I am silent." He said. "I waited this long because I was waiting on your recovery, so you'll be able to handle it." He explains.
At his explanation, he knew he was giving and kind, and yet why he feels so inadequate? "You are enough, and yet...I think both of our hearts wanted more. I want more of you, and yet sometimes..."
He drifted off in a pause, trying to find words. "Maybe it's not enough. And this place doesn't make me a trusting person as I used to be." It wasn't any of that notion. If anything, he confessed he's really insecure.
"I don't know Wei Ying. I just think...that I am not worthy of your love no matter what I do. You..."
Tears started to stream down from his golden eyes, tears that sting as he speaks with difficulty. "I just want you to look at me. When you give me my books, I am happy. But I wanted more. I want you to sit with me, read my poems, paint me a picture, write to me. Whatever you gave him, give it to me too, I don't know. I want everything."
Looking at him, "Do you think that's fair...?" And suddenly he felt guilty and selfish, and he wishes he hadn't brought this up. His intention is to don't keep secrets from him. While a measure of guilt left, he feels more emotionally exhausted than before. No, because the truth of the matter is, he doesn't want to give him up, and Lan Wangji himself is selfish.
Finally, his heart and mind are going around in circles until at last, he crumbles when Wei Ying started to cry. "Nevermind, forget what I said. I don't deserve you."
Quietly he gets up because both anger and pain are bubbling from the depths of him, and he goes to a nearby tree to vent his frustration and punches it in rapid session. It's going to hurt and make his knuckles bleed, but a million thoughts make everything inside of himself crumble into self-hatred over his pride and perfection that his clan taught him, and there's no word, rhyme, or reason to express the mixture of frustration over his relationships.