funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 005

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TEST DRIVE MEME 005

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. INFESTATION

It starts with soft squeaks echoing in the hallways, the lobby, even Oysters' rooms. There's no accompanying scratching or the scurrying of feet that would usually signify an animal in the walls, only incessant squeaking that never seems to let up. Less than a day after it begins, the first squeaking creature makes its appearance. It is quickly followed by another, and another, and another, until one can't take more than a few steps without encountering one.

They range in size from no longer than an inch to almost a foot in length, and can be found everywhere from the pool area to the buffet to crawling beneath the blankets at night. Aside from their constant presence, they seem harmless. The creatures are soft and squishy, warm and dry to the touch, and don't seem to have any claws or even teeth. If they are treated with kindness, they may even become attached to certain Oysters, who will begin to find they can tell the creature apart from the others.

They can also be killed quite easily. They are resilient, and will bounce if dropped, but they have no defense against anything sharp and the smaller ones will not recover if stepped on.

The hotel staff view the little green creatures with varying levels of distaste, from mild irritation to shrieking at the sight of one.

"It always happens this time of year," one staff may say if asked. "The weather changes, they come in from the garden."

"They're hiding," another may state. "Who wouldn't? It's much safer in here."

Safer from what, you may ask?

The hotel staff give no answer to that.

After only a few days, the small creatures will begin to change. Those who have been shown kindness will become softer, fluffier. Prolonged contact with them will invoke feelings of happiness, will bring daydreams that feel real, though no one else can see them.

Those who have not been treated kindly will become more resilient, with spikes sharp enough to prick skin at the slightest touch. Stumbling over one of these will cause terrible hallucinations, waking nightmares that can only be dispelled with assistance from another.

II. THE QUEEN'S GARDEN

The creatures have been in the hotel over a week when a new archway appears in the hotel lobby.

It is nearly October, hotel staff will say. There is a wedding to prepare for, and the yearly harvest festival. The Queen does so love her Oysters, of course, that she is opening up her gardens for both.

The garden itself is expansive, spanning multiple acres. There is a winding path lined with neatly manicured rose bushes in all colors, another overgrown with ivy, another leading through trees with leaves of reds and golds. Groves of fruit trees are heavy with apples and pears. Elaborate water fountains and delicate streams flow between small ponds, each bordered by different types of water plants and filled with everything ranging from goldfish to koi. There is a chill in the air, and scattered throughout the gardens are stone fire pits, a stash of blankets, bags of marshmallows and cartons of fresh pressed apple cider.

It is the only place aside from the pool that Oysters will be able to see the sun instead of the eternal twilight outside of the hotel windows.

Night will fall here, too, and with it all the fire pits are lit. Lanterns line the paths, and some glow from the thick of the gardens themselves, though there are still shadowy places that one can retreat to if desiring privacy.

III. HEDGE MAZE

The garden is bordered on all sides by a massive wall of shrubbery — a hedge maze, hotel staff will say. They may even warn that those who go in without an escort will find themselves hopelessly lost.

There is nothing stopping Oysters from trying anyway, of course. The entrance to the hedge maze is difficult to find, but not impossible for those who are persistent. No matter what time of day it is in the garden, it will be night in the hedge maze, with no lanterns to guide the way. The entrance back to the garden will glow warm and bright for only a few moments after stepping inside, and will then disappear entirely.

It seems there is no way to go but forward.

The deeper into the maze, the darker it gets, as though even the moon and stars are growing dim. Oysters may catch sounds of soft breathing in the night, and may even observe that the hedge wall itself seems to sway as though something just beyond it — or in it — is moving. Those who enter the maze will find themselves wandering for what feels like hours, days. Does that turn look familiar? Have you been down this way before? Who can tell, when nothing about the maze ever seems to change.

Eventually, Oysters will find that they have been lead back to the garden, exhausted and hungry, though no time at all has passed for everyone else.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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There is a sharp intake of breath when Huaisang says that, his hands tightening reflexively in the other's robes before he loosens his grip.

"How can you?"

There is something freeing in the words, the question he has asked himself over and over - even here, even where he has been able to be more of what he should be. How can any of them trust him, when he has been proven to be so thoroughly faulty in his judgement?

"I hardly trust myself."

"How can I not?" Huaisang returns, swallowing a little and looking up at Xichen.

"Da ge, trusted you," Huaisang murmurs.

"You are not your mistakes."

Lan Xichen smiles at that, but it is bitter and broken, and he hates it the moment he feels it on his lips.

It was - nice, for Meng Yao to spin his faults into strengths when Lan Xichen tells him of them, for Mingjue to say that if Lan Xichen was a fool than so was he, for Huaisang to say he is not his mistakes.

But he got Mingjue killed, and he was nearly as blind to Huaisang as he was to Jin Guangyao. He knows what he is.

"What is a Sect Leader, if not the grand total of their mistakes weighed against their successes? What good have I ever done, that could provide enough of a balance for that?"

The questions have barely left his lips before he is shaking his head, fingers clenching tightly to - whoever's robes are under his hands at the moment, he honestly isn't certain. This should not be Huaisang's burden to bear, and he cannot allow himself to bleed out just because there are cracks in his composure.

"They are not questions that are meant to have an answer. We have much more important things here - we have been trying to find a better way to communicate, one that protects us from others listening in."

Huaisang frowns at Xichen. And he answers anyway.

"You have been doing good for years, years before I became a Sect Leader. You're just blind to it because of your guilt."

He lets the other clutch on his robes and his arms tighten in a firm hug around him. He didn't blame Xichen for what happened to Mingjue. Huaisang had had unique experiences that had given him more signs than most, perhaps... Xichen had never been on the cutting edge of Meng Yao's attacks, Huaisang had. Meng Yao had nearly killed him too and by his brother's hand. Meng Yao had been foolish in thinking that Huaisang would be too stupid to put it together.

Huaisang's arms loosen once more and at some point he will have to pull away from the other but he doesn't want to yet. It's like he's trying to make up for years and years of a drought of real comfort and companionship.

"No talisman that works?"

"A-Sang." He isn't sure if he'd meant it as a plea or a warning, but mostly it just comes out quiet and tired. He has already fractured too much, during this conversation, and he doesn't have the energy to gracefully accept what Huaisang is saying.

Or, even worse, to have to explore what it means that Huaisang believes that after everything, or to think about just how many ways Lan Xichen had allowed himself to be blinded and wonder if, perhaps, this is now another one.

"I am here, and I am looking forward. That is enough for me."

It's more than he had back home, anyway - and still he makes no move to pull away, either. If it brings Huaisang comfort, he will stay like this as long as he wants, particularly when it selfishly brings him comfort as well.

"Wuxian is working on developing one, but it's complicated with our spiritual energy mostly sealed."

Huaisang smiles just a little at the other calling him that, he doesn't say anything else about the topic, letting the other drop it with those words. He sighs against his chest as he listens.

"Mm, That must be much harder for you than I," he says with a wry smile.

"I don't want to let go, er ge."

Lan Xichen strokes over Huaisang's hair one more time in gratitude, relieved to let the subject go - at least for now.

"It has been a challenge," he agrees, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. "It means we must be creative - another reason I'm glad you're here."

He's quiet for a moment when Huaisang says he doesn't want to let go. He doesn't know how many of the times that Huaisang ended up in his arms, over the years, were a pretense, how many were genuinely seeking comfort, how many were a mix of both. He should ask, probably, because asking is what he is trying to do now, but does the answer really matter?

No. His response would be the same.

"I have not asked you to. You can have this, Huaisang, whenever you want. You do not have to be upset to want to be held."

Huaisang had tried to keep Xichen out of his pretenses as much as he could but sometimes he was there and it couldn't be helped. In truth, the times that he had found himself in Xichen's pretense or not had been a true comfort because Xichen was true. He makes a sound of acknowledgment, he could be quite creative -- he had had to be his whole life. Perhaps he really could be useful here.

"You have always been so kind to me," Huaisang smiles slightly as he looks up at the other.

"You can as well."

"You have always deserved kindness."

And he still believes that to be true. There are things that Huaisang had felt he had to do that Lan Xichen doesn't agree with, but even at his angriest, even when he was ready to believe that everything that he'd thought he'd known about Huaisang had been a lie - he had always circled very quickly back to thinking of how much pain Huaisang must have been in.

It had occurred to him, a few times, to wonder at Huaisang's motivations, but he had never been able to seriously consider anything but his brother's death.

And even though Lan Xichen was the one who requested to drop this, when Huaisang tells him that he can have this too it suddenly seems important that he know that.

"Huaisang. Even when I was angry enough with you to question your motivations, I never truly believed it was for anything but Mingjue."

Huaisang shakes his head. He doesn't particularly feel that way, especially now but it made him appreciate the kindness even more. He knew it's in Xichen's nature to be kind to everyone. He hadn't ever really seen him be unkind to anyone before. It's just not in his nature and he's good in a way that Huaisang can't be.

He looks up when the other continued, staring at him. He feels quite on the verge of crying again and his hands tighten on the other's robes again.

"Thank you."

"I suppose it is hypocritical of me to insist that it's true." Considering he had not accepted Huaisang's words when the other told him that there was good that he had done, he can hardly force the issue. "Then I will believe it for you, until you're ready to accept it."

Perhaps it can be enough, for them to believe in each other.

He shifts a little when Huaisang tightens his grip on his robes, leaning back against the stump he'd sat next to so he can take more of the other's weight on him and hold him closer.

"For what?"

Huaisang tilts his head at that and then nods. They can believe in it for each other. He's good with that. He needs that maybe. As the other shifts and he settles more against him he closes his eyes and vaguely wonders if time could just stop right here for a little while.

"For not thinking the worst of me."

Ah.

For a time he considered the worst of everyone. If he had been so fooled by A-Yao, someone he thought he was closer to than most others, then how could he be sure of anyone?

But he was not unaware of some of the things that Jin Guangyao had done, and he knew there was a capacity for darkness inside him. He knew there were things that he was willing to do that others considered unsavory - he only did not know how far he was truly willing to go, or that his motivations were not always noble. In a way, he supposes he's always known Jin Guangyao's nature - just not to the extremes that he could go to.

It is the same for Huaisang. He may not have known the lengths that Huaisang was willing to go to, but he did know his determination, his cleverness, and his love for his brother. He is not Jin Guangyao.

Lan Xichen runs his hand over Huaisang's hair again, absently.

"I hope you can eventually feel as though you do not have to hide so much from me."

Huaisang closes his eyes as the other touches his hair and he relaxes further against him. He didn't look up as he heard the other's sentiment and he's quiet in the face of it for a moment, watching the fire.

He's been hiding from everyone for so long he doesn't know if he knows how to stop, how to truly stop. There's a piece of himself peaking through here in the way he curls into Xichen, as he takes and gives comfort. As he let some of his pain show, as they talked more honestly than they had for years.

"I let you see more than anyone else."

There is something quietly intoxicating about those words. There have only been a handful of people that Lan Xichen believed that to be true of - he is aware, now, that it is an indicator of intimacy for him. The people that he has been closest to - Wangji, Mingjue, A-Yao, even Huaisang himself - they have all, to varying degrees, been seen incompletely by the rest of the world. A blank wall of ice, a man ruled by his temper, the son of a whore with aspirations beyond his station, a useless headshaker - Lan Xichen had believed with all of them that he could see past all of that, that they had allowed him to know them as completely as anyone could know another person.

Was it arrogance, or a desire for closeness? To know them as few others had, as he allowed them to know him, to see beyond what the world knew of Zewu-jun? Aside from Wangji, he isn't sure what to believe anymore.

But he wants it. He wants it to be true, so badly.

He doesn't say any of that. Instead, he wraps his other arm around Huaisang, holding him more closely.

"Lately I have... had difficulty, occasionally, being able to tell what is real." It is a very quiet admittance - it almost hurts to say it, to acknowledge out loud what he has been wrestling with since Wangji and Wuxian first told him of their suspicions.

Huaisang relaxes further as the other holds him closer, as he feels safe in a way that's rare -- a way that lets him relax and let down his guard which rarely happened even when he is alone. He nuzzles him without thinking and when the other speaks he glances up but doesn't otherwise move.

"I'm real, er ge," Huaisang says softly. He doesn't know how to really help with that feeling, that feeling is one that is terrifying. Huaisang hates that Xichen would be experiencing it ever.

"Is it this place?"

Huaisang nuzzles into him, and Lan Xichen - lets himself have this, allows himself to gently sweep Huaisang's hair to the side and stroke his hand through it.

The words he wants to say stick in his throat. How can he even begin to ask are you really? Is he real now, leaning against him and enfolded in his arms, or is this another trick, from this place, from Huaisang himself?

"Some of it is," he replies. "I spent the last two weeks as I was when I was sixteen, and now I remember all of it. Before that I lost a limb and had it replaced a week later. The abilities of those in charge here are not like anything I have seen before."

But it isn't only this place. It had already begun, before he even got here - almost two decades of a friendship so strong he thought it could survive anything not only ended but completely tainted, left with him wondering how much of it was real. If any of his choices, any of his decisions, had actually been his.

"You are one of the only things I have left," he says softly. "And sometimes I wonder if I ever truly had you at all."

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TEST DRIVE MEME 005

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. INFESTATION

II. THE QUEEN'S GARDEN

III. HEDGE MAZE

IV. WELCOME HOME

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