funnyhearts | INAUGURAL TEST DRIVE MEME

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INAUGURAL TEST DRIVE MEME

TEST DRIVE MEME: WELCOME TO HAPPY HEARTS

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us for our grand opening gala. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

As you pass through the entrance to the casino floor, an attendant passes you a small bag of chips. The casino is loud and bright and filled with games of every kind — you want to play poker? They've got a table for that. Sabacc? There's a table for that, too. Slots, pachinko, and bingo are also available. The attendant in the lobby wasn't lying, either — everyone who plays wins. Everyone, every time.

Servers wander the floor with trays of shotglasses full of multi-coloured liquids, offering them to every oyster "Compliments of Her Royal Highness." If you're expecting alcohol, though, you'll be surprised — these drinks are teas made of the distilled emotions of every oyster in the hotel. Each colour tea corresponds to a different emotion, and as soon as you take a sip, you feel overcome with that emotion.

JOY — the distilled essence of happiness, this tea makes even the most rough and tumble of oysters giddy with happiness — for a moment. The effect fades into a sense of general contentment after a few seconds, and that itself fades away slowly over the course of twenty minutes.
ANGER — this tea, anger in liquid form, can make the most even-tempered of oysters ready to absolutely blow a gasket. For twenty minutes, anyone who drinks this tea will find themselves much more easily annoyed, frustrated, and all around irritable and snappy.
SADNESS — distilled sadness is a potent tea, capable of turning a stoic, stalwart oyster into a blubbering mess in moments. Events that may have previously only been a minor disappointment become the end of the world, every repressed unhappiness comes to the fore, and for twenty minutes, any oyster who drank a sadness tea can hardly keep themselves together.

II. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

If gambling isn't to your interest, there are many other areas of the hotel to explore! For the moment, only The Pool Of Tears and the Pig & Pepper buffet are available for oysters to peruse, but the staff will assure anyone who asks that the other facilities will be open by the next day. Unfortunately, that means no one can buy any swimsuits from This Elegant Thimble, but the staff aren't going to kick anyone out of the pool for jumping in in their clothes! The Pig & Pepper serves lunch foods from across all different cultures, offering something for everyone, and some things you've never even heard of.

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, oyster. You know it to be true.

III. YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY

Curiosity is not, on its own, a trait the staff want to discourage. Oysters are free to search for ways out of the hotel, but they won't find anything — there are no doors anywhere in the lobby or the casino, the windows are impenetrable, the walls don't crumble no matter how hard anyone hits them. The elevator between floors has no service hatch, and there are no stairs to take. The hotel is, at least so far as anyone can tell, a completely closed system.

Now, in light of this, Happy Hearts knows some oysters can be a little... reactionary. Especially when cornered, especially the ones with powers or abilities beyond the average human. With this in mind, any oyster found to be destructive or combative won't be punished. Not yet. They will, however, be quickly incapacitated by hotel staff, drugged to incoherence, and brought discretely to a hidden back room. No one notices these oysters disappearing, nor the doors they must have been dragged through.

In this room, troublesome oysters sit, paralyzed, across from a woman in red. She smiles, and offers candy from a bowl on her desk, and laughs to herself when she remembers the oysters can't take one.

You're new, she says, kindly, so it's understandable that you're having trouble adjusting to the hotel. We promise to do all we can to make your stay here as fulfilling as possible, so you have nothing to worry about. Your experience is our top priority.

She plucks a candy disk from her bowl, and unwraps it slowly.

But you must know: if you endanger our other guests again like you have today, there will be punishments. We pride ourselves on the emotional experience we offer our oysters, and we can't let anything get in the way of that. For everyone's safety and happiness, you understand.

She pops the candy in her mouth, sucks for a moment, and smiles broadly.

That's all.

The oyster is brought, still paralyzed and incoherent, back to the hotel. No one notices them return. The paths taken through the hotel to bring them to the woman in red fade from their mind as soon as they arrive back on the hotel floor. They're left in the lobby to sit and think until the paralysis wears off.

And then they can go back to having fun in the casino!

IV. HEY! LISTEN!

At the end of the day, every oyster's Empathy device buzzes, pings, and lights up — there's a message waiting for them!

A woman with red hair and a teal dress, sat on a throne with her hands held delicately in her lap and her legs crossed daintily at the ankle, looks into the camera, smiling.

"Hello, my dear oysters! We're so pleased you could join us. I am Victoria Hart, the humble Queen of this realm, and I wanted to personally welcome you to the Happy Hearts hotel, and thank you for your gifts. We will not squander them, dears, as we will not allow your stay with us to be anything less than perfect. If you need anything at all, I'm sure hotel staff will be happy to provide, and I will be keeping an eye on all of you, to ensure your experience remains a positive one.

Welcome, darlings. This is the beginning of something wonderful."

The message saves to each oyster's Empathy, and an app pops up on the screen: the community bulletin board. The queen doesn't respond to any messages sent to her, but the other oysters might. It's worth a shot, right?

Welcome to the first TDM of Happy Hearts, a new panfandom roleplaying game here on DW! If you have any questions, please direct them to the first comment on this page. Happy playing, oysters!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i. angry tea aka the casino floor

[ caroline doesn't know how to gamble. or, more specifically, she doesn't really know how to play these games. she can throw down a game of uno or go fish just fine, thanks very much, but sabacc and pachinko are definitely not in her vernacular.

but passing shots? yeah, she can get down with that — even if the vaguely fruity tea she's just tossed back is less exciting than the pure alcohol she was expecting to help numb her frazzled nerves.

no, that was red tea, and the irritable feeling that's beginning to creep up her neck is only just beginning. should anyone have the misfortune of accidentally bumping her, they'll enjoy the presence of a blood-hungry vamp, snapping as if they've just tried to get down with the stabby stabby.]

Hey! Watch it!

iv. network aka hey! listen!

[ the message comes a little later in the day, once she's had a chance to cool off (literally and figuratively, thanks to a surprisingly normal shower in her room). ]

how positive is everybody that this isn't some freaky group hallucination?

[ hey, listen. she's pretty sure some witch out there has the power to do it. ]

...Do you know something that we don't?

all i know is that people are showing up from my future, claiming things happened to me that i don't know anything about

[ props to josie. ]

i'm way more willing to believe this is a freaky witch hallucination than actually happening to me right now

[ careful. you might have a full blown caroline forbes panic spiral in a minute. ]

Do you run across witches a lot, then? Because I've.. Well, there was a dark druid, but no actual witches.

...Since we're talking about levels of crazy we've run into. What do you mean from your future? Like a friend or?

[ she probably shouldn't have opened her mouth about witches. whoops. ]

it's a figure of speech

[ good save. ]

i don't know
she says she's from the future, and that she knows my family, and that's pretty weird on its own

[Yeah, he's not buying that one, Caroline.]Weirder things have happened.

If you'd rather discuss this in person, we could meet somewhere.

how about outside this weird hotel?
if you find a door, let me know.

[ very funny, caroline ]

Yeah, that's not exactly a likely option as of yet. I haven't seen a single door out of this place.

Any other ideas?

[ is murder an option? if you listened to damon, it usually was back home... even if it's just bad guys that get that sort of treatment. do kidnappers keeping them in a weird door-less hotel count as murderers?

down, girl. calm. don't jump to that with someone who doesn't know you. ]

can we get to the roof? there's an elevator, right?
i can jump off if i have to.

...Not really into the idea of watching someone I just met jump to their death.

Unless you have some reason that won't happen.

❰ thankfully, damon is used to caroline's snippy little attitude. he didn't mean to bump into her, but he's also pretty sure it wasn't actually his fault, so he's not looking too apologetic when he turns around to look at caroline. in fact, he looks distinctly unimpressed. ❱

Oops. My bad.

❰ god, does he not want to deal with a pissy caroline forbes right now. ...in fact, he doesn't have to. damon turns on his heel and keeps walking the way he was going initially, off in search of alcohol. that blue shot looks promising, he'll start there. ❱

[ this is a really shitty day, isn't it? first she loses her shoes, then she has to play these weird games, then she finds out stefan died — and now his stupid brother is here, bumping into her, and then walking away like everything's fine! ]

Oh, no you don't!

[ did you think she wasn't about to run after you? even if you are going to try hiding behind some waiter, the tea won't save you. ]

You don't even like tea!

❰ of course the waiter won't save him, because caroline is a constant thorn in his side. why would a waiter ever get in her way?

that accusation, though, does bring him up short, and damon turns to caroline with a shot glass in his hand and an expression of utter, annoyed bewilderment on his face. ❱

Who ever said I don't like tea?

❰ tea is fine. it's not alcohol, but damon is capable of drinking things that aren't bourbon — and anyway, it's irrelevant, because this could not possibly be anything but alcohol. look at that blue. tea doesn't get that blue. you can only get that blue from windex and alcohol, and he's pretty sure they're not serving fucking windex.

just to spite her, damon downs the whole shot while staring caroline straight in the eye. ❱

[ if she was in a better mood — if this was twenty minutes later and she was feeling marginally more clearheaded — she might have told him to lay off the witch brew. but right now, freshly fussy and ready to throw down with whatever greasy haired variety of The Other Brother happens to be in front of her, she's not really in the mood to give warnings.

so go for it, damon. chug away, she's not stopping you. ]

You don't even like water. [ the words snapped off like a twig beneath her foot... or his neck between her hands, you know, whichever. both sound equally great right now. is it warm in here? why is she so hot under the collar? ] You don't even like anything!

[ true to form, an angry caroline forbes is pretty pisspoor at arguing. she just says words, and hopes that her glaring expression and exhausting hand gestures make up the difference. ]

I don't even know how, but I know this is all your fault!

Oh my god you're even worse than usual.

❰ usually caroline can at least find something real to pin on him, even if it's only a problem in her own weird, neurotic head. sometimes it can even hurt, if she jabs at just the right thing. this is just... artless.

so why is he getting upset?

jesus, all he can think about is elena. alaric's dead which means she's dead and — fuck. no, he's not thinking about this. not here, not in front of caroline. damon attempts to wrangle his expression into nonchalance, turning from caroline and waving his hand dismissively at her. ❱

Go away until you know what you're mad at me for, I don't have time for your tantrum.

❰ he needs to get to his room. ❱

So are you!

[ she could let him do that. a more reasonably-minded caroline just might, in fact. she'd let him scurry off to the privacy of his room, sulk alone for a while, and then ignore him for a solid hour or two once he'd had the decency to come back and rejoin the general public as a point before deciding to speak to him again.

but caroline doesn't feel very reasonable. no, she feels the heat of indignation fanning her face, licking flames along her spine; it drags her forward, following him as he turns towards the main hall that leads to the elevators. if he walks, she stomps behind him; if he runs, she chases; if he sprints, she zooms. anger is a powerful motivator... though she's not sure what she's angry about.

does it matter? no, it does not. her red-stained tea-muddled brain is quite sure of that. ]

Don't run away from me, Damon!

❰ caroline only barely makes it into the elevator with him, and by the time they're enclosed in that tiny space together damon is — damon is not doing okay. he's felt like this before, in the throes of existential crises and when katherine had told him she'd never loved him, and he knew it was coming after what happened to ric — to elena — but he'd managed to hold it off, just by sheer stubborn refusal to deal with it. he needed to make sure he was safe here, he needed to gather information, he didn't have time for his emotions to go haywire.

but now it's hitting him, and he presses himself into the corner of the elevator and crosses his arms over his chest, gripping tightly at his biceps. he can't fall apart in front of fucking caroline while she's on the warpath. ❱

If you follow me into my room I am going to lose it, Caroline, ❰ is all he can manage, grit out through his teeth. his vision swims, eyes going glassy and wet with tears he's holding back through herculean effort.

why is this happening? ❱

[Mikhail backs away a step, hands up in a surrendering gesture. He does his best to look non-threatening.]

Sorry.

[There was a time he would have ignored her and kept going, but he's not playing the aloof vampire now. (Well, not all the time.) He has to properly interact with the rest of society. It was a small slight, and hopefully she won't hold it against him too long.]

It's a bit crowded in here.

[ the sorry just sounds fake, doesn't it? like a sorry half-heartedly given in order to keep walking, as if he hadn't just bumped into her, knocking her off her path and making her stop what she was doing just to listen to this... what, garbage apology?

caroline huffs, nose flaring. ]

Yeah, I bet.

[ she doesn't sound impressed. or accepting of his apology, for that matter. ]

[He should just walk away, honestly. He doesn't owe this woman anything else. However he doesn't want to cause a scene, and there are few enough of them here that he's bound to run into her again. He can't just disappear into the night and never expect their paths to cross afterward.

Mikhail lowers his hands with a sigh and offers a gentle, placating smile.]

I am sorry. Genuinely. I shouldn't use any excuses.

[Should he offer to get her a drink? He doesn't want to look like he's following up this run-in with an attempt at asking her out. Best to just go with basic nice and hope she doesn't think it's worth her time to argue.]

Is that an actual phenomenon or are you just out of ideas? Not judging; genuinely curious.

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INAUGURAL TEST DRIVE MEME

caroline forbes, the vampire diaries.

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