funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

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TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us for our grand opening gala. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

As you pass through the entrance to the casino floor, an attendant passes you a small bag of chips. The casino is loud and bright and filled with games of every kind — you want to play poker? They've got a table for that. Sabacc? There's a table for that, too. Slots, pachinko, and bingo are just a few of the other games on offer. The attendant in the lobby wasn't lying, either — everyone who plays wins. Everyone, every time.

Servers wander the floor with trays of shotglasses full of multi-coloured liquids, offering them to every Oyster "Compliments of Her Royal Highness." If you're expecting alcohol, though, you'll be surprised — these drinks are teas made of the distilled emotions of every Oyster in the hotel. Each colour of tea corresponds to a different emotion, and as soon as you take a sip, you feel overcome with that emotion.

JOY — the distilled essence of happiness, this tea makes even the most rough and tumble of Oysters giddy with happiness — for a moment. The effect fades into a general sense of contentment and affability after a few seconds, and that itself fades away slowly over the course of twenty minutes.

ANGER — this tea, anger in liquid form, can make the most even-tempered of Oysters ready to absolutely blow a gasket. For twenty minutes, anyone who drinks this tea will find themselves much more easily annoyed, frustrated, and all around irritable and snappy.

SADNESS — distilled sadness is a potent tea, capable of turning a stoic, stalwart Oyster into a blubbering mess in moments. Events that may have previously only been a minor disappointment become the end of the world, every repressed unhappiness comes to the fore, and for twenty minutes, any Oyster who drinks a sadness tea can hardly keep themselves together.

II. MAKING WAVES

If gambling isn't to your interest, there are many other areas of the hotel to explore! For the moment, only The Pool Of Tears and the Pig & Pepper Buffet are available for Oysters to peruse, but the staff assure anyone who asks that the other facilities will be open by the next day. Unfortunately, that means no one can buy any swimsuits from This Elegant Thimble, but the staff aren't going to kick anyone out of the pool for jumping in in their clothes!

There are four main attractions to The Pool of Tears: the pool, the jacuzzi, the wave pool, and the lazy river. The water is always just the right temperature, clean and clear and refreshing. It feels as if the sun shines down from above you, warm and comforting. Scattered through the pool area are clusters of modern lounge chairs, just waiting for someone to come relax in them. The Pool is, in a word, serene.

But not for long. The waves generated by the wave pool begin to get choppier, and larger, until it becomes clear that the generator itself is malfunctioning — too late, however, to avoid the tsunami that crashes through the whole Pool and leaves it flooded. Thankfully, no water escapes into the rest of the hotel, and the hotel staff work quickly to rescue those trapped in the Pool and drain the flooding — but you better hope you can tread water until they get to you!

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

The Pig & Pepper buffet serves lunch foods from across all different cultures, offering something for everyone, and some things you've never even heard of.

On offer with these lunchtime dishes are cookies and biscuits and scones of all kinds, held on tiered trays with signs that proclaim Eat Me! in delightfully whimsical calligraphy. Nearby, hotel staff man a small booth for doling out cups of fruit waters from large pitchers, which have Drink Me! painted playfully on their sides.

It takes a while to feel the effects — perhaps you've even left the Pig & Pepper by the time it happens — but those who eat the cookies and scones inevitably end up growing in size, whether a few inches or feet, and those who drank the fruity water similarly shrink. Eat enough and you might strain the ceiling; drink enough and you'll be the size of a thimble! It's not permanent — if no one else can help you figure out how to get back to normal, the staff certainly will — but it's definitely inconvenient!

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Welcome to the (second!) first TDM of Happy Hearts, a new panfandom roleplaying game here on DW! If you have any questions, please direct them to the first comment on this page. Happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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He hasn't been here long enough to come to that particular conclusion on his own, but it makes sense. Everything he's thought of as completely normal is out of the ordinary here. Wei Wuxian is content enough for a hint of the familiar though, even if they don't have lotus or persimmons or any of the old tastes from home.

"Seems hard to find much that's like back home here," he comments off-handedly as the barkeep returns with something new.

"Amaretto sour," the barkeep says and sets out two more glasses. The color is gold, topped in frothy white foam, finished with a cherry and a wedge of fresh orange.

By now he's learned not to down the glass all at once, so he takes a moderately sized swallow, wincing as the sour taste hits his mouth. It's hard to describe at all, but he forces it down, lips puckering slightly at the flavor. Sour was putting it mildly!

"The pool..it's about as close to the outdoors as you can get. Besides that..our own hotel rooms. At least those are supposed to be catered to us so they are an actual replica of something back home."

Wei Wuxian takes a larger sip of this one. Feeling rather confident after that first drink. This one is rough on the pallet but he doesn't mind it. Maybe his senses are already started to dull after just the first two drinks..

"Mm..these are getting easier." They aren't, but anything to try to make his other self think he isn't feel the effects.

He groaned a bit at that, pulling a face. It was hard enough to think they were being cooped up by this place, but not even able to get outdoors? For someone who loved the wide expanses and freedom of the world, it felt stifling.

"I haven't looked at mine yet," he shrugs, but anything that's familiar will be welcome, he thinks, staring down at the glass in front of him. He knocks back a bit more and while he's definitely starting to feel them, the other Wei Wuxian is having a fine time of things! Or at least he's saying as much. He'd considered the same tactic, so he can hardly trust himself to be honest. No, it's got to just come down to who can stay in the longest!

"The flavors are definitely... unique," is all he says in response before finishing the glass and picking at the leftover fruit.

"Mine looks like the room at Lotus Pier used to..." Even the carvings on the bed. He thought it was a little odd but it also felt..nice. If he can't return to that back on his world, at least he can enjoy that little bit of familiarity here. He figures there wasn't much left of the room after the Wen clan took over..

"He hasn't even pulled out the really crazy stuff yet. Like one that burns like cinnamon and some..honestly I don't know how anyone drinks some of the ones behind that bar." He points his finger at the barkeep telling him to not even dare to try and pull some of the more nasty flavored things out on them.

"I don't know why anyone would want to drink something that just tastes like..poison." They are all poisons in a way but at least some of them you can't tell are killing your liver.

That was a pleasant thought, at least. Something like home. He'd have to check later and see what his looked like. If one Wei Wuxian got to enjoy Lotus Pier, surely they both would. It was something to look forward to, at least.

"Cinnamon?" the thought of a drink that burned with spice was interesting, for sure. He was so used to the mild sweetness of rice wines, or the sometimes fruity bitter tang of homemade brews, but he didn't mind the idea of trying out new flavors. Though... maybe not the poison ones.

"I know there's more to drinking than the taste, but it adds to the experience! Who would want to drink something that tastes like poison?"

The barkeep seems unbothered by the comment, and fills the next glasses with a mostly-clear liquid, offering up the meager advice to "take their time," with this one.

"Tequila?" he reads.

Wei Wuxian takes the glass and looks at it skeptically. If the bartender is telling them to take their time then he might have just slipped them one of the more dangerous ones. That doesn't bode well for him.

It's either going to be very strong or taste very strange. He's not sure which one would be preferred at this point. "People should definitely enjoy drinking. But maybe for some its the effect more then the taste and that is why I see people taking their drinks all in one shot. They don't want to deal with the taste at all." Which give some of the drinks..he can't blame them. But why bother trying those at all in that case?

He slowly lifts the glass to his lips and takes a smaller sip then the last drinks. No matter what the reason for the warning, he is determined to suffer through it. He tries to hide his expression with the glass as he waits for the other version to try it. Finishing this one might be tough but he has determination if nothing else.

He too is wary about the new drink, but after a few sips finds it surprisingly mild. Something like agave lingers on his tongue, but it isn't any more sweet or bitter than the rest. He is definitely starting to feel the other drinks more heavily though, having downed three now in less than a quarter of an hour.

"Take our time... this is nothing," he sniffs, finishing the glass just to make a point of it before pointing at his soul-twin.

"Hey, hey, it's boring just going back and forth. My memory might not be great, but you promised me a story best told after a few drinks!"

He has a feeling the mildness of this one means the warning is for the hidden danger of how deceptively strong it is. He takes another drink but he's going to make this one last a little longer, especially since his other already took all of it.

He actually hoped the other had forgotten about that promise and he sighs. "Okay okay..So our lives have been a little different from what I can tell. I have heard about some of the differences, but apparently most of them happen after we come back."

He doesn't even know where to start..maybe he will drink this one faster. He takes another sip of it.

"Anything specific you want to ask about?" Considering he did give a couple big hints back at the pool as to how different their lives may be..

His face is starting to feel warm, blood rushing to the surface across cheeks and shoulders. His tongue feels loose, and if his words slur just a little as he talks, what does he mind?

"There's some before?" he'd thought it was all to do with their different bodies. If he went around actually looking like Mo Xuanyu, of course things would take a turn, while he still had to hide his face!

There were other questions, sure, but one at a time. What could have happened so differently? They'd both died, in the end. Unless by some miracle others had survived.

He laughs a little uncomfortably and takes another sip of the drink. Of course he would want to know about before..

"Well..remember that archery contest? Where we blindfolded ourselves to prove that we were better then anyone else? Well..when I wore the blindfold into the woods I ended up relaxing in a tree. While I was there..a really strong person pinned me to the tree. My hands were held over my head and I couldn't move. They stole my first kiss..."

And there goes the rest of the drink, shoving the empty glass with the others. He told this story to the other Lan Wangji and thought he might have a heart attack. But it's the only before story that he can actually confirm that their memories are different.

"I've heard that didn't happen to you."

He could vaguely recollect the one. Mostly how angry he'd gotten with that peacock Jin Zixuan rebuffing his sister's affections. And being accused of cheating just for manipulating some of the weaker prey into the Jiang clan's traps.

It he still had drink left, he'd probably have spit it in his surprise. His first kiss? During that same hunt? It was impossible that he wouldn't remember something like that! Sure, he flirted when he had the chance, but there wasn't a girl that stood out who might approach him like that. And not one so strong that could hold him down while she did it!

"What? Who?!" he can't help but blurt. Vicious rumors might spread about him sacrificing virgins in Yiling, or doing all sorts of things to further his demonic cultivation, but he still, pathetically, couldn't even claim to have kissed anyone.

He could about die right about now. Because if this Wei Wuxian doesn't hold the same feelings for Lan Wangji..then life could be very complicated in a few short minutes. He has to keep telling himself that they didn't have this moment so for them it doesn't matter. But to him..to lose his first kiss in such a way..well it was hard to forget.

He signals the barkeep needs to make that next drink quicker as he stares at the bar. "I wondered that two..it took me until being in this body to finally realize who it was. To put the pieces together. Our memory isn't good but certian things just stick with you." He lets out a very shaky breath. "Let's just say I went looking for whomever it was and the only person I came across in that woods was Lan Wangji..destroying a tree in a fit of anger."

Anger at himself for acting impulsively. But Wei Wuxian never could quite understand it. "I ended up teasing him about how he would never have a first kiss because he was so..bent on following rules. And made him think I had kissed lots of people." Because he's a flirt so obviously he has experience...oh how wrong everyone is.

There was a slight fog to his thoughts, but he was invested in the story now. He barely remembered which girls were there that day. Maybe a handful from the Jin clan, one or two new Jiang recruits, but... none had said a word to him that day.

The next drink slides down the counter and Wei Wuxian's eyes flick to the name, narrowing slightly before picking up the glass. Corpse Reviver, it reads. It's almost enough to distract him from the conversation, but the suspense is too much. He's ready to bark out a laugh at the name, or a childish gasp, but instead he has to blink a couple of times to let it process.

Lan... Wangji?!

He has to set the glass down before so much as taking a sip, mouth slightly open, one finger extended as if to make a point he can't even find. He'd thought this Wei Wuxian was just making light of Lan Wangji earlier, that there was little truth to it, how could there be? But to think that someone as stoic and unmoved as Lan Zhan would do something so bold as to hold him down and kiss him?

"That- I- You can't-" he tries a few tongue-tied beginnings before sipping his drink, not even tasting it.

"Y-your Lan Wangji and mine must be very different people," he chokes out, setting the glass down half-empty. Lan Zhan got flustered by a little bit of erotic art! He had a crush on Mianmian! He'd even vomited blood just thinking that Wei Wuxian might strip in front of him!

"We aren't exactly the same either you know.." He has a feeling he is far more shameless then this one in a lot of ways. And although their Lan Wangji's are different, their core is the same. He's sure of it.

"But like I said...at the time I had no idea. I just figured he was close by. It wasn't until I kissed him..that things became a little clearer. And I didn't even do that until after I was in this body."

He takes the drink and does actually drink a good bit of this one. To hell with the name..to hell with the contest..now he just wants to be drunk. It makes telling these stories a lot easier.

"Do you want to know what he did when he took me back to Cloud Recesses? What I did..what we did.." He's not even sure anymore who did what but he knows it was important. "I tried to seduce him! I wanted him to be so grossed out that he tossed me right back out of his sect. But you know what he did instead? A damned binding spell..I couldn't move..I slept on top of him the whole night!"

And this is apparently how people make their affections know in his world. By kissing them when blindfolded and forcing them to sleep with them. Really Wei Wuxian is a bit of a moron for not putting it all together sooner...

"Not exactly, no," he concedes, "but saying Hanguang Jun is someone who kisses people senseless in the forest but he's also the stoic, rule-abiding, no-nonsense second jade of Gusu... I can't reconcile them."

The alcohol wasn't exactly helping him make a cohesive point. Besides that, besides that, the Lan Wangji he knew had rejected anything close to flirting from Wei Wuxian! And especially then, especially when they'd been at the archery competition, it felt like they'd barely been on speaking terms!

"It's like... you and I are... both rice wines. But if one is made in Yiling and one is made in Yunmeng, they'll taste different, but they're both rice wines at their core, yes? But saying Lan Wangji is... is like comparing a cup of wine with... with a pickled plum. They might both be aged for their flavor, but they're not the same thing at all!"

The metaphor had made a lot more sense in his head than the rambling nonsense he'd spouted, which meant he was probably well and truly drunk at this point, but he couldn't be bothered to care. It was little wonder this Wei Wuxian hadn't wanted to share! Tried to seduce Lan Zhan? It seemed a blurry line between Lan Wangji trying to teach him a lesson and actually returning any sort of advances.

But, his mind helpfully supplied, hadn't he also said this Lan Wangji had kissed him again in this body? And why did the thought bring that uncomfortable jealousy back?

He slammed his hand on the bartop at the strange comparison. Because clearly he didn't quite understand it in a brain that is already well beyond the point of clarity. "Are you comparing my Lan Zhan to a pickled plum??"

He feels insulted without even completely understanding why. And that isn't even the point of the comparison but it's forgotten almost as soon as he says it. "Lan Zhan is the most precious of wines. Strong and with a hidden flavor to it that you don't expect when you first encounter it." There is a fondness as he speaks and maybe a little heartache as well...since he hasn't exactly made up with his Lan Zhan since the fight they had.

He signals for another drink, this one now long gone. If he's going to start crying then he wants to have the excuse of having hit that point int he drinking process.

The sudden outburst is enough to make him jump, and it's not until the other Wei Wuxian starts yelling that it even seems to click. He's quick to put up his hands and backpedal, shaking his head for emphasis.

"No, no! It's just-! Fine, fine, yours can be the wine and I'll take pickled plum!"

And suddenly his earlier outburst in the pool makes a lot of sense. He hadn't gotten riled until Lan Wangji was mentioned. Seemed they both had a jerking reaction when it came to a certain cultivator.

"That's what I'm trying to understand!" he rubs a hand over his eyes.

"Lan Zhan is practically perfect, and a gentleman and there's no one more beautiful, I already know all that! But that's exactly why I can't understand why he'd be doing such frivolous things with us!"

He's not about to back down, and messily finishes his drink as well.

"Because..." His voice cracks and he covers his face with his hand. Because apparently he loves us and they have done nothing for him to deserve that kind of feeling. He can't even voice the words, still feeling miserable about everything.

"Remember those words you just said because they are important. Perfect, beautiful gentleman..Your words. Our feelings on this are the same. Make sure someday you tell him." He lowers his hand back down. "Because if you don't then you might end up hurting him."

He takes the next drink but doesn't taste it yet, "I'll never understand what we did to deserve everything he has done for us but he has cared about us longer then we realize."

There's something about being lectured by himself that sits uneasily in his stomach. It could be the noxious combination of so many different types of alcohol, but he was more than familiar with that feeling. He was pretty sure it had more to do with trying to deny something when it was coming from what was essentially his own mouth. Especially admitting that he thought those same things about Lan Wangji.

He opens his mouth to give a retort, but he's right. Lan Zhan has done way more than he could ever think to pay him back for. But cared for us longer than we realize? Just because that Lan Zhan could throw propriety to the wind and show his affection for this Wei Wuxian, it didn't mean it would be the same for him. He knew Lan Zhan cared, even considered them soulmates, but it was a different kind of feeling, facing his own insecurities.

"Mm," is all he can manage, thoroughly chastised and holding the empty glass in his hand. His head is swimming, but at this point he'd be happy to have a few more and black out entirely. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Lan Zhan, but he can't help thinking that Wen Qing might've mistaken about the hardest words to say.

"I know our experiences haven't been the same but I feel like overall, it still drives us to be the same people. With the same feelings." And that is all he can really say about it. He can't really prove anything and maybe in time he will be able to understand the feelings of both Lan Wangjis to see just how close their souls really are.

Maybe they need to just consider this game a draw at this point as the bartender just leaves two more rounds for them before heading to help other patrons. He is ready to not remember this conversation as he takes the next drink and starts it.

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TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

II. MAKING WAVES

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

IV. WELCOME HOME

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