funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 002

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TEST DRIVE MEME 002

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THIS IS OUR GET ALONG SHIRT

You haven't been at the hotel long when you run into another Oyster. Hardly unusual for the hotel, after all. But there's something about this person, something that draws you in. Do you know them? Perhaps they're from your world, perhaps you've seen them around the hotel before, or perhaps you've never met at all?

No matter. Hopefully you enjoy this person's company, because suddenly you're unable to go more than a few feet away from each other. Maybe it's like a cord that snaps you both back together when you try, invisible but somehow there all the same. Maybe it's a feeling, a desire to stay together, a fear of being apart. Maybe it's physical pain when you're separated, and the sensation of comfort or pleasure when you're together. Maybe it's any combination of the above.

Whatever it is, looks like you'll be getting to know each other very well. The connection doesn't appear to be going away any time soon.

II. HONORARY STAFF FOR A DAY

It seems the hotel is a little short-handed at the moment. Why? Oh, no particular reason. These things happen to every establishment, of course. But since you're here, would you mind lending a hand? It's a two person job, and the staff member giving out assignments is just far too busy to help. Find a partner and report to your assigned area! They're preparing for something very exciting the Queen is putting on for guests. And of course, you'll be rewarded for your assistance.

There are a number of possible tasks that you could be assigned to.

Perhaps you'll be asked to assist with food preparation. You and your partner will be granted temporary access to the back area of the buffet to work with the kitchen staff — you can cook, can't you? Well. Perhaps you can put together some sandwiches. It will soon be clear that the food you're helping to prepare is all things that would be perfect for a picnic. Staff members will cheerfully inform anyone asking questions that the food is for the Queen's special surprise.

Or perhaps you'll be put to work sorting and cataloging a large inventory of items. Sleeping bags, tarps, pillows, toiletries, first aid kits, fire starting materials; all must be counted and sorted. A staff member will hand out a number of backpacks, and request that each be packed with one of every item. Not to worry about the size — each pack will have exactly enough room to store all the items.

Still others may be placed in a room lined with bookcases overflowing with books and loose leaf pamphlets. Examination of these will find that all are related to identifying native Wonderland plant life. Some are about edible plants, some discuss those that are medicinal, or poisonous, or likely to try to eat you should you get too close. Buried in all of that, you may even stumble across a particular poem. You will be given heavy card paper, pens and water colors, and tasked with condensing the information into portable, easy to read info packets.

At the end of the work shift, anyone who assists will have the expressed gratitude of the staff members they supported. They will also find an additional item from home, aside from what they were carrying with them, waiting for them in their room.

III. TIME TO UNWIND

What better way to unwind after a long day of work than with a massage? A staff member will hand you a token for the hotel spa. Yes, yes, all services are free, but this is an enhanced service. Premium massage oils, access to a relaxing tea, the devoted attention of the most skilled massage therapist, all for you.

When you arrive to take advantage of the offer, you'll find another Oyster waiting there as well. Did the staff member not mention it was a couple's massage? Oh dear, it must have slipped their mind. Or perhaps they just assumed, given how so many of you Oysters seem to be in pairs. Well, you're both here, you might as well take advantage of it.

Or perhaps something that gets the heart pumping is more to your speed than relaxation. A staff member may excitedly tell you about a rave occurring at the The Rabbit Hole nightclub. Invitation only, of course, but the staff member is happy to tell you the code to get in.

There is indeed a party in full swing at the club that night. Live music, flashing lights, alcohol flowing freely, the works. You may find that the alcohol packs more of a punch than you're used to. You may even find that drinks that are supposed to be nonalcoholic, ones that you've had before in other parts of the hotel, suddenly pack quite a punch as well.

It's all in the name of enjoying yourself, right? Hopefully you won't be too hungover in the morning.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

For purposes of the TDM, you're welcome to play with having more than one linked partner! If you choose to app in the next round after playing on the TDM, there will be an extra add on to the application for you to claim your additional item from home. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Character 101: Matt is blind thus the cane. He has super senses- so crazy amazing smell, touch, hearing, taste, sense of balance, etc. and he's a masked vigilante at home. Fasti was a game in Ancient Rome with Roman gods vs. the Titans where characters fought as the gods' soldiers. ]

Get Along Shirt [canon flavor]

[ Matt wasn't off to the best start cooperating and acting friendly with the staff. So it wasn't a surprise they gave him his distance when he was "tamed" and finally started exploring the hotel. They gave him his cane and backed well out of arm or leg's reach.

He meant to wander alone- what were the chances he could trust anyone? But as he walked through the halls his arm reached out seemingly of its own accord, to grab for someone he was about to pass.

Matt blinks in surprise behind his glasses and goes a little red for a second when he realizes what just happened. What was that-? ]

Sorry. Uh. Could you help me find my way around? I just arrived.

[ He offers a smile and lifts the long white cane in his other hand like a peace offering. Help a blind guy out? ]

Honorary Staff [Fasti CRAU flavor]

I thought nobody can leave the hotel. Is this for a pretend camping trip or is there a green house I wasn't told about?

[ Matt is tasked with filling backpacks. He's not about to complain about the work, they could be making the captives do far worse, but it doesn't make sense to pack in a place they can't leave. Are they packing for somebody else? ]

Time to Unwind [canon flavor]

No I- I'm fine. This isn't necessary.

[ God, these spa people- At first when he'd been lured into the spa he was trying to be friendly, make up for his "bad behavior" resisting the staff when he had first woken up in the lobby, but now that they had him inside they were even more pushy. ]

Do I look like I need a massage that badly? Is there something people aren't telling me?

[ He laughs nervously, trying to add some humor to his resistance. One of the workers already took away his jacket, the other tells him to relax like a broken record player and rushes to strip him down more. Scars and several bruises decorate his body- that would be the biggest reason for his resistance. The worker simply clicks their tongue and insists, "You need this!"

When Matt realizes he hears another person in the room besides the staff he goes quiet. "Couple's massage." Suddenly he feels very naked. ]

Wildcard [ PM this account or try

thoughtbubble ]

[ Foggy's not completely proud of this, but there's definitely the distinct possibility that he gave a startled, slightly too high pitched yelp when he felt a hand grabbing at him out of no where.

Or, you know, not out of no where, but that's what he gets for focusing too much on his surroundings and not enough on who's walking by, but still.

He turns to ask what the hell, but freezes when he sees who it is.

And is also not completely proud of the little bit of relief he feels, but it's there anyway. ]

Matt? Wait, if you're here, too - what are the chances that we just had a little too much to drink and ended up in Atlantic City?

Foggy!

[ Matt heaves a sigh of relief and his posture relaxes. He grabbed on like instinct because it was safe, because he'd know Foggy and that familiar offered arm even in his sleep... Right? His head is still foggy- no pun intended- from whatever the staff had sedated him with earlier. His senses and thoughts must be scrambled.

Crap. That's right. ]

Is this a dream? I'd really appreciate that wake up call right about now. I think the staff already dislike me.

[ He rubs his forehead and runs his hand over his face, knocking his glasses crooked, like it might clear away his confusion. ]

I'm not sure. They don't really make it a habit of telling us anything.

[ He starts to pack, but he realizes he's mixed up some of his things with some of Matt's. ]

Oh-- so sorry, hold on, I've taken some of your items.

[ He tries to sort them out. ]

[ Matt waits for a minute while Aziraphale moves things around. ]

Is it all there?

[ He unzips the bag he had just packed to show him the contents. ]

I didn't take any of yours did I?

[ Maybe they should have done this assembly line style instead. It's hard to stop and think about work flow efficiency in this place though, new questions constantly forming and rarely getting answered. ]

I guess there's always the possibility we're packing for other people who are actually outdoors.

Well, that'd be very rude! Tease us with something like the outdoors only to give these to-- to someone else!

[ He seems indignant. Anyway, he gives Matt's bag a once-over and smiles sheepishly, even though he can't see it. ]

Ah, no, I don't think you've taken any of my things. I must just be... absent-minded today. Forgive me.

[ He'll just stuff the things he took into Matt's bag. ]

I'm Aziraphale, by the way.

[ Matt holds in a laugh. It's funny, calling them "rude" when they're already prisoners. Major offenses don't make an excuse for minor ones, so technically yes. Rude.

He zips the bag back up once everything is stuffed into it, lifting his head to face his companion again to show he's listening. Aziraphale. You don't meet an Aziraphale everyday. He thinks he's heard the name before or read it for sure. Probably a historical figure or a name with Bibical origins, or both. ]

I'm Matt. A "new guest." I was at home in New York City before waking up here.

At least if these bags are for other people, that implies there's a door outside somewhere. Unless this is going to be airlifted out.

That would imply a roof! I don't think we even have access to the stairs, or see how tall this building is.

[ Ah yes, Matt can't see, so-- ]

--It's constantly twilight here. As if we're stuck in time.

[ He explains, as if that makes any sense to him. ]

So I would say this place doesn't quite follow the rules that we know to be truths.

[ The way he speaks sounds so sympathetic. ]

Does the view outside change at all? Are we sure that those are windows and not a picture?

[ If the laws of physics are questionable here then why stop at doors to the outside, are they really anywhere near outside? ]

You'd think there would have to be a way out. How else did we get inside?

Well I suppose I'm not... entirely sure it's not a picture, but it certainly behaves as if it's outside. There are trees!

[ As if that explains anything. But he just means that the depth is there and the movement is there, and don't ask him about any big flat-screen televisions. ]

There must be a way out, but they've sort of... blocked it off. There's plenty of places we're not allowed.

[ Matt nods in consideration, pursing his lips. ]

If it's real there should be birds, right? Or wind? Unless the whole thing is trapped in time. Is there anything else besides the trees?

Well, there is wind. I don't think I've seen any birds. Or squirrels.

But they're quite far away...

[ Sorry Matt ]

I'll look out for them!

[ Interesting. He'll have to ask others, find out what the concensus is. ]

I'm surprised this place is understaffed. I thought they were normally packed. Maybe a large group of people have the day off?

Hmm... perhaps. Or maybe they're having a staff retreat. That could be what we're packing for.

[ He frowns so hard it's almost audible how upset he is about the idea of not getting to go outside. ]

[ Thinking about the staff taking time off brings another question to mind. ]

Has anyone asked the staff where they live? Whether they're live-in or if they leave for homes somewhere else.

No, but I'm sure they won't tell you. They like to do that.

One time the places all started moving and they insisted it was always like that. And one time I became small, and they insisted I was always small!

[ Bad memory? Brain washing effort? Lips sealed for fear of punishment? An existance revolving entirely around the job? ]

Not sure a staff like that would get a retreat.

[ CoughEvilBoss ]

Well, the only other explanation is that they want to take us out there. And... well, I don't know why they would!

[ Because that's starting to sound like, getting kicked out softly and then getting executed. Has he been around humans too long? ]

[ Yeah, Matt is stumped too. He shakes his head. ]

It's anyone's guess.

[ They could sit and guess all day long and get nowhere. ]

Is this the first time they've asked their guests for help? Or does the staff end up needing help like this often?

No. It's been a few months, and they've never requested anything like this before.

[ He doesn't tell Matt that it might be because there were staff cuts due to the oysters poking around where they shouldn't be. But if anyone thought that these people would just sit still and let themselves get kidnapped...

He sweats a bit nervously, but moves on. ]

Suppose it's just whatever the Queen wants.

[ He picks up on Aziraphale sweating over the subject. Interesting. But he has doubts it's safe to discuss sitting where the staff would normally be. Best not to complain about the boss in the office.

Matt nods in acknowledgement then offers a smile. ]

So! Are you a fan of camping? I don't have much experience, I've spent almost every day of my life in the city.

Oh, no. Absolutely not. The closest I get to camping is a holiday house out by the beach.

I've lived in London for a long time now.

[ Like, since before the Crusades... Yeah. He's not going to drop that on Matt though.

But he is going to ask: ]

What about you? Are you from America? Canada?

[ That explains the accent and he's guessing his own warranted those suggestions. Matt nods. ]

New York City. Warehouse or office by the beach is more likely for me. I only ever went camping when I was a kid.

[ Not with his father either. It wasn't for vacation, it was Stick's excuse to train where they wouldn't be seen hands-on dropped-in-the-wilderness-survival-style. He thought he was going to freeze to death more than once and got knocked for muttering Hakuna Mattata when the topic of eating bugs came up for reasons. ]

In my experience, who you bring with you makes all the difference. Doesn't hurt to be packed well though.

[ He shrugs and chuckles at his own joke. ]

Ah, well, I'm afraid I won't be of much help, but I think probably everyone else will be! I would consider the others much higher in camping skill.

[ He doesn't actually know, but he's warranting a guess considering many of them are ancient or you know, served in the Air Force or something. ]

Quite odd they've chosen us to do this, when we're such city folk, hmm?

[ Matt huffs out a little laugh then purses his lips. ]

Hmm. Either they didn't bring us to the hotel to do this or they think stuffing camping bags is easy enough for us city folk to figure out.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THIS IS OUR GET ALONG SHIRT

II. HONORARY STAFF FOR A DAY

III. TIME TO UNWIND

IV. WELCOME HOME

Matt Murdock | Marvel Netflix or Fasti CRAU (still deciding)

get along shirt!

Like they need a get along shirt

staff

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tw: vague mention of childhood abuse, thanks Stick

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