funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 003

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Anyone who participates in the second prompt will receive an item with a minor enchantment of their choosing! For players apping in this round, you can include it in your list of items. Current players can reply to the second comment on this page to receive approval of their enchanted item. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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The brush goes flying from his startled fingers, clattering on the floor messily. At least he hadn't ruined the project with an unsightly smudge or streak. If Lan Zhan looks closely, he mightrecognize the figures, even if the hairstyles are a bit messy, he might even recognize the particular position they've been drawn in.

"Ah..." there's not much deniability, so he tries to change the course of the conversation instead, "no tearing this one up, I've been working really hard on it!"

It would honestly be more difficult not to recognize the figures, since once he's seen the position he looks for telltale signs, hoping that it's not another pair that's caught his attention, at least. Though, he doesn't feel too great about Wei Ying making this drawing out in the open like this; what if someone else sees?

"Wei Ying..." he starts, head cocking a little to the side. "I don't think you can do that."

Wei Wuxian had little shame about sharing pornography with his friends when he was younger, and it seemed a pain to drag the art supplies up to their room, so why not paint here? Seemed like perfectly fine logic after a few drinks. He was hoping it might be a fun surprise for Lan Zhan, but he seemed almost as disinterested as he'd been in Wei Wuxian's early artwork.

"Criticizing my work?" he pouts, glancing down at the drawing to seek out the mistakes. Okay, so maybe they're a little exaggerated.

"You're just saying that so you have an excuse to try it."

A little bit? Hm. Well, at least they're very flattering depictions. He raises a brow at Wei Ying's accusation, but honestly, he wouldn't mind a demonstration. Perhaps not tonight, but maybe in the morning when he's sober and realizes what a stack of things he's drawn.

In the meantime. "You are drinking all alone," he comments. It sounds a lot harsher than he means it, because he's Lan Wangji.

He just wishes to know why Wei Ying wants to drink alone.

He was hoping for a bit of flirtation in return, maybe a blush, or he'd even settle for getting under his skin enough to see the drawing go up in a shower of paper scraps. Instead, Lan Zhan's tone is hard and though it's not mean, it's definitely disappointed, which somehow feels worse. His lip juts out in a pout, managing to look contrite for maybe a handful of seconds before he returns to his drawing, fumbling for the brush he's dropped.

"Not anymore," he corrects, "Lan Zhan is here."

"Ah, but he was not invited," he counters, not wanting to bring down the mood but wanting to maybe softly address his husband's slight problem with his relationship to alcohol. Still, now's not the time or place, and he doesn't want Wei Ying to think he'd wanted to marry him to change him or anything. They can table it for now.

He holds out a hand. "Will you let me try?" he asks, expectantly.

And no, he won't be drawing a similar subject matter.

Oh. Right. He may have lost track once he got started. But he'd only meant to have a few drinks! And there was a good reason he hadn't sent Lan Zhan a message right away, what was it? Oh, right-

"They were going to be a surprise," he has the decency to look somewhat sheepish as he glances at the pile of inked works. Maybe the last few got a bit... more risque as he had more to drink, but the ones stacked below were perfectly acceptable! Good even!

He abandons the erotic art, for the moment, and hands Lan Zhan his brush. A moment later he's pushing the small pile of other drawings in his direction as well. Maybe it was a bad idea, after all; hadn't Lan Zhan been annoyed with all his silly drawings before? But then... other Lan Zhan said he really liked them! And when Lan Zhan had been the drunk one, it was all he'd wanted to do! Draw little bunnies and his juniors and his home in Cloud Recesses... even if by then it all looked like scribbles.

"Well. Most of them. Maybe not all, ah... those were just practice ones, okay?" he adds, pushing aside some of the more obscene drawings.

Lan Wangji had assumed they would all be lewd, and so he hadn't considered that some of them would not be. He hadn't considered that the bulk of them would not be, and when he flips through them, he abandons the idea of drawing something for Wei Ying, because.

These are beautiful. The brushwork is so lively, and the likeness is good. He can see his own eyes reflecting back at him, and moreover, he can see how he looks to Wei Ying. He always thinks of himself as stern, but Wei Ying captures so much more of his spirit that he didn't even know anyone could see.

He's touched.

He offers him a small smile. "Wei Ying, they are very fine works." He'd hang them all up, wallpaper the Jingshi with them.

He's not sure what he expected. The plan, of course, was to make something Lan Zhan would like, that would make his face light up the way it did when they'd released lanterns together. He receives that, gladly, of course, but he wasn't prepared for praise on top of that. He watches Lan Zhan go through them, fidgeting childishly in his seat. Wei Wuxian has spent years downplaying any talents, worried to show them; if he didn't spend hours after placating Jiang Cheng, he was nervously skirting Madam Yu's gaze for days.

"You like them?" he smiles in return, and it's small, hopeful.

"Lan Zhan, ah- I mean, the other Lan Zhan, he said he kept a lot of his Wei Wuxian's drawings. From when I had to copy the rules down so many times. So I thought maybe... you kept them too?"

Lan Wangji wants to hide behind one of his cloud-sleeves, but he does look away instead, and submits: "Yes. I kept them all folded into books." That way they would remain flat and untouched for eternity. He'd only had those few scant things to remember Wei Ying by, for those years. Not even a pressed flower, an old flute. Just a few drawings and Emperor's Smile.

But he wonders why the other Lan Wangji had told him such a thing. Perhaps it had been while he was drunk. Lan Wangji might have to go talk to his other self about maybe trying a little harder to keep sober... who knows what sort of company they may find while drunk?

"You really did?" his shy smile only widens, genuinely pleased to hear it. That he would treasure even something so insignificant and silly of his, it made a warmth blossom in his chest and he scoots his chair closer.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, I'll draw you as many as you want, okay?" he rests his head on his shoulder, looking over the works in Lan Zhan's hands, oblivious to the rest, occasionally pointing things out on the papers.

"Those are the rabbits, remember? From the caves by the cold pool. I couldn't remember mm... it's been a long time since I saw Cloud Recesses, so... some of it might be wrong."

"No, they are perfect," he says, gently running his finger over the drawing. He can see it so clearly now, the cold springs, and the time he'd placed Sizhui in the midst of the rabbits and Xiongzhang had come to warn him that rabbits sometimes bite. He thinks about sitting down with his new toddler, overwhelmed with his loss and his newfound fatherhood, and masking his sadness by asking his new son, "what's that one's name?"

And somehow, even years later, all the rabbits get names, and it's some sort of unwritten rule that Hanguang-Jun does the naming, but Juniors may be invited in for such a privilege.

He thinks about it, and in his mind blooms so many memories, that a smile warms his countenance. "Wei Ying. Thank you."

Perfect? He was sure students of Gusu Lan could study for years and never receive such praise from Hanguang Jun. He threads his arm through Lan Zhan's elbow, and it's only partly to hide his face, and the ridiculous grin he can't keep from it.

"You don't have to thank me for something like this," he insists, "I wanted to."

He clears his throat, in attempt to steer the topic away, not-so-subtly, propping his chin on Lan Zhan's shoulder, breath warm and sweet with wine as he lingers there.

"Mm, will you show me some of Hanguang Jun's fine brushwork?" he tries, "weren't you going to paint too?"

He had wanted to, but is that not partially what the thank you is about? Thank you, for wanting to gift this to me, he thinks. Thank you, for thinking of me.

And then it shifts to him, and so, he pulls a sleeve back and takes a brush, a bit of a bashful look in his eye, hopefully undetectable in Wei Ying's current state, and pulls up a blank sheet of paper once the rest are are all tucked neatly into a stack at the side. And yes, he organized the stack, of course he did.

He pins Wei Ying with a look, solid and unmoving, for a good long time. And then, once he's done surveying, he turns back to his paper, and starts to paint a few lines. The linework is good, but his likeness and ability to draw a human face is... mm. He's no Wei Ying.

He is putting Lan Zhan on the spot, a little, as he rests his chin on his shoulder to watch, but it hardly occurs to him. He's just curious about what and how he'll paint. And if there's anything uncomfortable or worried in Lan Zhan's expression, Wei Wuxian is far too focused on the movement of his hand to notice. It actually takes him a moment to realize Lan Zhan is looking at him, and he breaks into a grin, leaning back a bit when he realizes.

"Oh? Are you going to paint my portrait?"

His face is a little flushed, hair not as tidy as it'd been earlier in the day, and eyes a bit hazy and half-lidded, but his smile is as genuine as ever, and when he realizes Lan Zhan might try to draw him, he takes a moment to strike a few poses, giving him a couple angles to work with, even if it's all while being completely ridiculous.

"Don't forget to make me extra handsome, okay?"

Oh, he is so ridiculous, and it's hard to draw him when he's holding so many different poses. What's with that face he just made--

Lan Wangji tries, and keeps looking up at his source material for help. Mostly, he concentrates on his work, and he keeps measuring things, figuring out placement, surveying his work to ensure that he is in fact, making him extra handsome. He's good with a brush, for certain, and after a long, long time, he finally finishes his painting of Wei Ying.

Shyly, he presents it to his husband-to-be.

Eventually, he settles into a more relaxed pose, distracted by the movement of Lan Zhan's brush over paper. The soft, lighter washes that lay the foundation, then the bolder strokes, efficient, yet artful, it comes together in a way that surprises him, just like Lan Zhan continues to surprise him. Not that he'd thought Hanguang Jun would be anything but skilled in every art form he attempts, but he can't help thinking that this is how he's seen, through Lan Zhan's eyes. His heart is no more prepared, than when it is on those occasions that Lan Zhan will so boldly speak of his affection, and he props his elbows on the table, watching intently as he finishes.

He'll blame it on the drink then, that makes his emotions so transparent, as if he doesn't wear them easily on his face for any to see. When Lan Zhan hands it to him, he can't help letting his fingers brush the paper, careful of the places it's still damp with ink. When he looks up, it's with a laugh and an easy smile, his happiness no less apparent. He can't even find it in him to tease, since the only complaint he could muster would be that he's probably not that handsome.

"Mm, I knew this was a good idea," he says finally, as if he meant for Lan Zhan to discover him here amidst his chaotic mess of paintings(which have now been neatly stacked, when did that happen?).

"And here I thought I'd be painting lanterns all by myself. I'll definitely be stealing your expert hands to work on them with me."

"Oh?" he asks, supposing he did just audition for and volunteer himself for lantern duty. He doesn't mind, of course, how could he? It's his own wedding. But he is also doing the invitations and sewing the clothes by hand, so they will have to have a long engagement.

As if he could have said no to that smile anyway, so bright, starting with the one he'd captured on paper and spreading into the way it'd always looked that he'd always dreamed. Just one smile and two sparkling crescent eyes that haunted his every memory.

"Our guests will all have you on their lanterns." Is that a joke? Ah, is Lan Wangji making jokes now? Truthfully, he would have just written things on their lanterns. Well-wishes. Thanks. Bits of poetry.

It takes a moment to process that Lan Zhan was just making a joke. That alone is enough to earn an amused burst of laughter from Wei Wuxian. Imagine, his face on every lantern? Now who was being ridiculous?

"Ah- maybe it's better that I do them after all," he shoulders Lan Zhan gently, sliding the portrait over to his side of the table so he can properly admire it. He can be oblivious at the best of times, and after a few drinks, it's probably not the a great time to be discussing the details of their wedding, but the last he'd said was just... as soon as they could, but there was probably a lot to do besides just painting lanterns, right?

"Oh-! Speaking of our auspicious event, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, shouldn't we see what sort of robes they have at the clothing shop? Do you want to try some out?"

"Ah, alright." He already has a backup plan anyway, since he doesn't think the boutique is going to have wedding robes for them and even so, it seems odd to him to be able to have them for nothing, as if anyone else can go in and get the same robes and be married the same way. He wants their wedding garments to be theirs and theirs alone, and have something truly special for his intended.

"--You do not think we should do that now, do you?" Wei Ying is drunk and they have enough papers to put together a rather racy art book. In fact, he won't admit it, but he'll definitely look at some of these later, to uh. Admire them.

"We can go in the morning," he suggests instead, perhaps after Wei Ying's sobered up and after a rather good bout of regularly-scheduled daily activities. It really was much easier in the hotel.

"Should we not?" he seems surprised, but then, he doesn't have the Lan's internal sense of time to tell him when respectable folks ought to be sleeping. It's not as if everything, from casino to restaurant, to poolside isn't open at all hours anyway, so Wei Wuxian doesn't exactly keep to the best of schedules when it comes to eating, sleeping, and whatever else he decides to occupy his days with.

"Is it that late?" he wrinkles his nose before glancing back down at Lan Zhan's painting, tracing the brushstrokes idly with his fingertip.

"Just one or two? I wanna see Lan Zhan all dressed in red."

"Ah, alright. We can go see if they are open." He mostly just doesn't want to go because Wei Ying is hammered, and probably won't make the best decisions when it comes to his wedding. But, it is his wedding, and the clothes are free. They don't have to make decisions.

He gets up and carefully takes up their stack of papers. "First, we should take these back upstairs." Who knows what would happen to them if they took them on their little shopping trip? No, he doesn't want any folds or creases, and they can place something heavy on the stacks so that the papers flatten out since they've wrinkled when wet.

He makes a triumphant noise, with little regard to any of the bar's other patrons, and is about to make a beeline for the shop when Lan Zhan mentions making a stop at their room beforehand. Ah. Right. It's a relief when Lan Zhan picks up the pile of artwork too, his hands much more careful (and sober).

"Ah... right, right, that's a good idea. Wouldn't want them to get damaged."

Time and growth has made for more casual touches between them, whether in public or not, and drink has only made Wei Wuxian all the more generous with his. He loops his arm through Lan Zhan's at the elbow, not drunk enough to be unable to walk a straight line, at least not with a bit of guidance. He pats Lan Wangji's bicep a couple times as they walk.

"...or for any uninvited eyes to see some of them," he laughs.

Being in Wonderland does have its perks, and walking side by side with Wei Ying like this is one of them. They didn't have to sneak furtive touches, or stand one person apart. Their touches weren't limited to carrying each other when weakened, to fighting back-to-back, to healing, to the occasional dog scare.

He looks forward to a life of being free to walk arm in arm with his husband, to do as he does now, and gently guide Wei Ying's head onto his shoulder. "Mn. No one else should see these but you and I." It isn't embarrassing to desire one's spouse, but it certainly might be a problem to distribute physical representations of one's desire.

It's quite an uneventful trip back to the room, and he gently places the stacked papers underneath a flat weight, his touch with them careful, extra delicate.

"All of them?" he laughs, "mm, I know, I know, the portrait you painted must be so handsome that you're worried anyone else who sees it will fall in love with my good looks too, right?"

The gentle encouragement to lean closer, and use Lan Wangji as his own personal pillow is met with enthusiasm, and while it makes walking a little wobbly, once he falls in step with Lan Zhan's footfalls, he doesn't mind it at all. This close, Lan Zhan's familiar scent, mingled with sandalwood is pleasant and inviting, and his fingers draw little mindless patterns along his arm as they walk.

He waits as Lan Zhan puts the drawings away, pressing them flat, and it's endearing how carefully he handles them, as if his afternoon spent painting and working out little illustrations is so precious to him. The gesture is more than enough to pull at his heartstrings, and as soon as Lan Zhan's fingers are free, he links them with his own, and tugs them in a wobbly fashion, toward the door.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

III. SECRET MESSAGES

IV. WELCOME HOME

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just realized i left this tab open all day

oh nooooo

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