funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 003

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Anyone who participates in the second prompt will receive an item with a minor enchantment of their choosing! For players apping in this round, you can include it in your list of items. Current players can reply to the second comment on this page to receive approval of their enchanted item. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, he hopes he hasn't stepped on a potential landmine. Did this Lan Zhan and Zewu Jun not talk often? He supposed he wasn't sure how much the Lan Zhan from his world talked to his brother either.

"Oh... he was injured, when we were out in the woods," he leaves the details vague, since it doesn't seem his place to say, "he's fine now, but ah... they had to do some work on his arm, to make sure it was healed properly. We found out when they planned to take him to have it fixed, and I snuck along."

He keeps his voice pitched low, leaning in as he sips at his milk tea, held carefully in both hands.

"Those teas they make, not just the ones with our abilities, but the ones that make us feel strong emotions? They're taken from us too. I saw the room where they keep them, it was the same place they took your brother. I don't know how they harvest them, but..." he trails off with a faint shrug.

The landmines has longed been set-off and stepped on. It's unavoidable. Most of the time, the brother figured out what's on Lan Zhan's mind when he speaks barely three words at minimum.

"Injured. Harvest tea." That's three words, for example. There's a slight tremor as he lowers his cup down. The expression on his face becomes stoic. But he believes him. "As long he is all right." He said distantly.

"Do you see anything else...?"

He likes to think he's gotten better at reading Lan Wangji, though his brother has a great deal more experience at it. Even so, it's not hard to tell the news is a shock to him, and Wei Wuxian rest a hand lightly on his bicep, offering a small measure of comfort.

"Mm, he's fine," he says again, as if repetition might make the news easier to hear, "that's why I wanted to go with him, so we could be sure nothing more would happen."

He could only imagine if they'd tried to use those same wires they'd stuffed into March's head on Lan Xichen. Even if his paper form wouldn't have been able to do much, at least they would know what happened.

"I saw a few things, yeah. Not a lot I could make sense of. There were two people working, they called each-other Walrus and Carpenter. Do those names mean anything to you?"

Upon Wei Ying's touch, Lan Wangji managed to relax somewhat, but he hates being powerless and useless. All of his powers were taken away, and disturbed as teas as if his education and spiritual powers that he had trained for a lifetime to it's peak, basing on the teachings that dated back to many generations, back to the first Lan ancestor becomes passed and tossed around so cheaply, even if it benefit others.

Lan Wangji stiffed. More names, foreign and ridiculous to him. Coldly, "No." And he wasn't sure if he cared to, even if theoretically saved his brother's life. "I am not familiar with them."

Wei Wuxian gives him a brief description of who they are, leaving out the incriminating bits about Lan Xichen's emotions, how he'd stayed behind to watch them work on March, and also that he had probably been spotted by the Order.

"That's all I was able to find out, but... I hope it's somewhat helpful, anyway," he shrugs, going back to his milk tea and taking a long sip.

Lan Wangji listened, and while he is still seemingly stoic, he slightly frowns when Wei Ying finished his report.

"It's helpful, but if you get caught, you nearly got yourself killed." Then what will both Lan Zhan's do? "Well, nevermind. That's good to know."

Meanwhile, he stare at his cup and find it empty. The tea is long-gone and then stare back at Wei Ying, almost in a stoic, hopeless manner, then he sighs.

"I'm happy you're back."

What's done is done, Wei Wuxian figures. Maybe he hadn't made the best decisions when forced to make them in a pinch, but he didn't regret them. And no hard had come of it, as of yet. If they'd a bone to pick with him over his trespasses, they weren't in a hurry to get to it. Besides, it was the first time he'd seen the staff here looking at all surprised or unprepared. They hadn't expected their prisoners to make it that far, and even that was enough vindication, in his book.

"Then I won't get caught," he says, self-assuredly, fingers drumming lightly on his empty glass.

"Oh, yeah, I guess it's the first time in a while one of us hasn't been drunk when we've met up, huh," he laughs, "I'm glad to see you in better spirits."

It's that cocky, but courageous confidence which is why Lan Zhan admire him so. Yet, being his friend and confidante is all he could ever hope for. "Use your experience and what you learn as a strategy."

At that remark, he is somber. "Mn." He simply nodded in agreement. As for his spirits, it's...functional and trying to say the least.

"Mm, this doesn't seem like the sort of place I can use the same trick more than once," he concedes. Especially since he was spotted last time. If he hadn't managed to slip away, what would they have done?

He shoulders Lan Zhan with a light bump, since they're sitting side-by-side. He's getting that look, the one that's far too serious.

"It was fun! I haven't played kids games like that in ages."

What would they have done indeed? "Mn." Lan Wangji is going to be stubborn and keep up his stoic, stern front despite the playful light bump. Still serious.

"Paper Metamorphosis is not a game, Wei Wuxian. Don't fool around with it. Use it wisely." For espionage and other missions, he meant.

"It can absolutely be a game," he huffs, half-tempted to lay one down on the table and have it start pestering Lan Wangji just to prove his point. He's not exactly sure how many staff members are on the lookout for little golden men made of paper though, so he refrains, and just pouts instead.

"What do you think I was using them for in the first place? Always pestering Lan Zhan."

Lan Zhan remains seated, stoic as ever. His light-colored eyes darken with seriousness.

"Cultivation is not a game, Wei Ying, and should not be used to pester for the likes of me. You should use it wisely as you did for my brother."

However, he relented. "However, if you wish to practice and spar, I'm not sure how helpful I can be. I have none of my powers back other than someone's ability to sing."

Wei Wuxian takes it with about as much seriousness as he does anything else. Which is precious little. Just because he should use his talisman a certain way, doesn't mean he will. Just because others think he should do anything, doesn't mean he will. He doesn't argue, but gives an irritated little click of his tongue as he sets his glass down.

"Ah?" he makes a sour face, remembering the abandoned match, "now you want to spar, hm?"

Want is a strange word, because what he wants and yearns for is anything other than the pleasure of being his company, which he suppressed it for years.

Calmly, "No. I never wanted to fight or spar, but if I must spar, it's because Wei Ying wishes me to. Then I will yield."

It's more or less the same answer as before. And while it doesn't sting his pride like the way it had in front of an audience, he still isn't sure he likes it.

"We used to fight or spar all the time," he frowns, not wanting to admit his weakness, even if it were true, "and yeah, maybe you did outpace me after a while..."

He still felt like he'd kept up in other ways, without his core. Just. None of the ways Lan Zhan had much respect for. But if it was that, or become totally useless, he'd at least take the route had that let him do something.

"...but I'm not made of glass. I know how to take a hit. Besides, they can even heal you up right away at the spa now!"

And it shall be the same answer today, tomorrow, next week...

With an insufferable groan, he finally yields to his demands, surrending. Because Lan Zhan's pride is insufferably stubborn but he's tempted to spoil his curiousity.

"If you wish to spar, then let's go to the gym now."

Okay, maybe he pushed too hard, but he's not about to back down now. Not when Lan Wangji has finally conceded. Well. Sort of conceded. And with both of them unable to use their core, it should be pretty equal footing, he tries to convince himself. Just because he's out of practice, doesn't mean he can't keep up.

"Right now? Fine by me," he pushes himself up from his chair with a sniff.

Wordlessly, he follows after him through the dining room and through the lobby to get to the gym.

In the gym, there should be a room with mat for the purpose of wrestling or hanging punching bags for boxing. Whatever equipment they need, it's available and all in there in the gym.

Once they arrived to the gym together. "Name your sport. I'll spar with you now."

Sport? Ah, of course Lan Zhan would want something with a strict set of rules, rather than just another brawl.

"Just wushu, it's not like either of us has a weapon," he shrugs, loosening up his muscles, feet sinking lightly into the mat.

"Lan must have a bare-handed style, no? Or is that too crude?" he's teasing now, words meant to rile his opponent. The last thing he wanted was for Lan Zhan to go easy on him.

"If you absolutely need rules, ah... first to get the other to yield, wins. I guess if you can manage to pin or knock out the other, so they can't yield on their own, that will work too."

"Wushu. Bare hands and legs. Wei Ying is not made of glass. Those are the rules." He simplified it in a few words. "Lan Zhan has bare-hands, but Wei Ying is really testing his patience."

However, Lan Wangji has his hands tucked behind his back in a relaxed state. He has too many openings, not in offense or defense stance.

With a hum, "Wei Ying, I'm already yielding. Make your attack."

"Right, right."

He's barely listening, as Lan Zhan repeats the rules back at him, rolling his shoulders for good measure. Though when he mentions that Wei Wuxian is trying his patience, that receives a raise of his brows and a self-satisfied smirk. He starts to approach, with a confidence that's mostly hot air and bluster; the last several fights he's been in had relied on a lot of dodging or demonic cultivation. He's not usually the one to initiate.

Without another word, he rushes, pulling back a fist, but once he nears, he drops low instead, aiming a sweeping kick for Lan Zhan's legs.

Lan Zhan evades by stepping aside. He has no plan to attack him, but rather allow Wei Ying to just fight that energy out and he'll absorb his blows.

When the kick connects, kicking him is like kicking a rock, but he managed to block his kick with his arm to push his leg away.

"..." Meanwhile, Lan Zhan watches his next move, reading and predicting his next attack.

There's a soft grunt from Wei Wuxian when Lan Zhan blocks the kick with his solidly muscled arm. There'll probably be a bruise there, later, but it would hardly be a bare-fisted fight without a few bumps. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, doesn't follow up with anything, other than to push him back. It shouldn't frustrate him, but the feeling that he's lesser, even when they're on as close to equal footing as they can be here, it's hard not to feel irritated.

"Come on Lan Zhan, are you a man or a punching bag?"

He tries to keep in close, to duck in under his guard for a palm strike at Lan Zhan's chest, meant to off-balance. Lan Wangji easily has more weight on him, but it's hard to leverage it when he won't so much as swing a fist in retaliation.

To test his theory, see if Lan Zhan is going easy, Wei Wuxian leaves himself open, just to see if he'll take the bait and actually try to land a hit.

Lan Wangji keeps evading his moves, his movements fluid like water.

"Neither. The problem is, you need to find the weakness of your opponent."

He blocked his palm strike easily enough, recognizing the type of attack with his own palm strike. However, he can see his attacks. "Yunmeng Jiang style. I know your attacks." He steps back, reading his moves, and when Wei Ying leaves himself open, a lesson must be learned.

After looking seemingly passive, Lan Wangji lunges forward and strikes at specific meridians on his body, and then charges forward to pin him to the mat, clutching at his throat to block his airway.

After all the insistence that he didn't want to fight and would yield, he wasn't sure he'd be able to get a rise out of Lan Wangji at all. And of course it would be the one shining moment of hubris that brought about his immediate downfall.

While striking his meridians would be sure to halt the flow of energy cycling from his golden core, at least he didn't have to worry about that particular problem. It still struck nerves and made his arm feel numb, and he makes a startled noise as he hits the mat.

It's not the first time someone's tried to choke the life out of him, and it's not enough to make him give in, at least, not right away. He tries to wriggle out of it, and brings his legs up, kicking out to try to break Lan Zhan's hold.

Much as he wants to, he can't throw out a teasing barb or witty remark when he can't even suck in a breath.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

III. SECRET MESSAGES

IV. WELCOME HOME

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