funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 004

TEST DRIVE MEME 004

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. TIME TO PARTY

What timing you have, to be arriving at Happy Hearts now! The hotel is bustling, filled to the brim with guests that don't bear the green mark denoting them as Oysters. Hotel staff are equally as busy, catering to the needs of their extra company on top of the Oysters. Musicians arrive in a flurry of fanfare, demanding the attention of everyone in their wake. If the hotel staff are a little more hurried, a little less friendly and accommodating to new Oysters, surely they can be excused, right?

No matter. There's a party to go tonight, the very one that the musicians are here to play at. They set up in the massive pool area, roping off some areas for dancing, others for tables lined with all manner of food and drink. Indulgence teas make an appearance throughout the night. Anyone who drinks one will find themselves with lowered impulse control, lack of restraint, a desire to partake of things they would normally be wary of, giving into their particular vices much more frequently, etc.

If you intended to miss the party, you may find it difficult to ignore. The celebrations spill out of the pool area and into the hotel lobby, the restaurants, the bars, even up onto the floors of the Oysters' rooms. The music is loud enough to be heard anywhere in the hotel, making sleep a difficulty. You might as well enjoy yourself, right? Or perhaps find someone else attempting to avoid the celebration to commiserate with. It will stop some time in the late hours, at least, and all signs of it will be gone the next day.

II. ATTRIBUTABLE TO HUMAN ERROR

Even after the hotel is no longer quite so full, hotel staff always seem in the middle of doing something or other when they're asked for something. There's just not enough time in the day, is there, for everything that must be done? Any Oysters who point out that there seems to be several other staff members mingling about with nothing to do will be met with silence.

But not to worry! All your needs will still be met. The hotel does have its automated customer service system, for times such as these! Computer screens are available at the counter of every store, at every table in the restaurants, at the bar and spa and gym. Calling for room service? Needing more towels at the pool? Want to book a service at the spa or get a drink at the bar? Simply place your request directly with the system, and whatever you desire will be delivered right to you!

There are still some bugs to be worked out, of course. Were those not the clothes you wanted? Oh, dear, perhaps someone else got yours by mistake. You can't even eat whatever type of food was served to you? Better double check the system — and look, what you have in front of you is exactly the order that was placed? Are you sure you're not the one who was mistaken?

A hotel staff member will eventually correct whatever went wrong, should Oysters not being able to sort out the mix up themselves.

III. WERE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

Just when it felt like you were getting the layout of the hotel down — you were getting the layout of the hotel down, weren't you? If you thought so before, you may doubt it now. There was a night club here just last night, wasn't there? And a spa over there, a gym just beyond them? If there ever was, there's certainly no sign of them now. There's only a blank wall, a dead end.

Turning to go back the way you came will be of little help. There is no way you came, just another hallway. And another, and another, until you may find yourself quite hopelessly turned around. If you're lucky, it may not be too long before you run into a helpful member of the hotel staff.

They'll be happy to direct you anywhere you need, of course. "The spa?" they'll say. "Do we have a spa? That's news to me. Oh but we're always adding new amenities, of course, that's one of the joys of the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino!"

Perhaps you'd like directions back to the lobby? Well, they can certainly provide that. You're not alone, are you? A shame. They're much too busy to escort you back themselves. It's a bit of a maze, during renovations, one always easier to navigate with a friend to keep an eye on things.

It won't take long to realize they mean that literally. The hallways don't move as long as someone's watching them, and it will be much easier to follow the staff's directions back to the hotel lobby with one person to look in front and one behind. Hopefully you'll find someone else just as lost as you are.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

All hotel amenities on the world info page are available except for the nightclub, the gym, and the hotel spa. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It would be cruel to speak of it now, how unrelenting Xichen's defense of Jin Guangyao was, how determined at all costs he had been to see the best in him, no matter what he did, no matter what he was told -

'It is quite difficult to determine who was at fault.'

- yes, it would be cruel to speak of it now. Perhaps, cruel to speak of it ever, given Xichen had so soundly learned his lesson. ]

I can and will.

[ His jaw works as he thinks, considering each word with care. ]

The Meng Yao here with us. He's from your world, not mine?

[ It would be true, and it would be no more than he deserved. It is no more than he has already told himself. His judgment is compromised, and he does not entirely trust himself - it's why he had entered seclusion, before he arrived here, and why he had asked Wangji to keep an eye on him here, though it is not a burden he ever wanted to have to place on his brother.

And he - he waits for it. He braces himself, for Mingue to ask why he had not listened, how he could have allowed it to go so far.

When it does not come, he blinks, caught off guard by the question he asks instead. ]

I believe so. The details of the events he remembers match mine exactly, and he looks like the Meng Yao I once knew. The Sunshot Campaign had barely begun, for him. He had only just left my side, after coming to my aid when Cloud Recesses burned.

[ He pauses, but only for a brief moment before he admits, ]

I have told him, too, what his fate will be if he does not change it.

So he hadn't yet completed his first murder, and you hope still that he can turn from his path.

[ It's distasteful to even consider the idea that Xichen is still trying to guide Meng Yao, still trying to convince himself that a man too busy lying to himself and others to mean even a sacred oath was worth helping -

but it must be true.

This may not be his Xichen, but it seems he can still read him, and read him well. Xichen would not seem so drained and resigned if he had washed his hands of the matter. ]

Can I safely assume he denied that he would do such things?

[ He closes his eyes for a moment when Mingjue says it outloud. That is exactly what he is trying to do, and it sounds ridiculous when put so plainly. None of them have said it outloud, yet - his brothers had understood implicitly what his plans were, and the Wangji from his world had agreed to keep an eye on him with nothing else needed to say on the matter.

Neither of the Wuxians asked him about it at all, though he knows they are far too clever not to realize that he is trying to change Meng Yao's future. ]

You must think me an even bigger fool than I was before.

[ He has no defense, and he doesn't offer one, instead shifting to answer the question. ]

He did not. He was horrified that he had gone so far, but he conceded that he understood the mindset that would have driven him to such desperate measures.

[ Xichen isn't quite sure if that's better or worse than denying it. More honest, perhaps, than he had ever really been before, but he is aware that even such honesty is not an easy thing to trust. ]

I killed him, Mingjue. When the truth of his actions came out and he was going to be brought to justice, I warned him that if he tried anything, I would show him no mercy. When my back was turned, I was alerted that he was making a move. I ran my sword through him.

[ He still doesn't know for sure, if Huaisang had actually seen him move, but in the end, it doesn't matter. In that split second, he had believed him, and he had chosen to end Jin Guangyao's life rather than risk himself or, more importantly, Huaisang. ]

Xichen.

[ Because endless self-flagellation will lead them nowhere and they have been friends far too long for him to fail to see the signs. Every Sect had attributes they could be known for -

truly, the endless will to punish ones' self was a characteristic the Lan bred true. ]

Did you think, when I swore to be his brother, I did not know what he was like? Even more than you, I knew exactly what he was, and still I swore, out of a fool's hope that he could change. I could insult you, and it would be both false and unhelpful.

I wouldn't and will not help Meng Yao. But you are not -

[ Me, he intends to say, but he falters, at this, the knowledge that Xichen had been the one to kill Meng Yao, to end his life and whatever and other threat he still posed. It isn't as though he didn't know his friend was a killer - they all were, after the Sunshot Campaign, after those years of war and killing and endless death that had won them both their titles - Chifeng-zun for bloodletting, Zewu-jun for rescue. Both of them titles won from the spreading of death. ]

Do you regret killing him?

[ It is only that even now he's stunned to realize Xichen would raise a blade to his A-Yao. ]

Edited 2020-09-05 06:53 (UTC)

[ It is somewhat comforting to realize that even as it seems Mingjue can still read him, so too can he read Mingjue, despite their different timelines. He only has to say his name for Xichen to realize that he is, once again, punishing himself, and Mingjue has noticed.

Xichen has missed him so much. He does not deserve him. ]

Did either of us truly know him? We saw different sides to him, but I don't know if he ever allowed anyone to see him as he truly was.

[ He is not surprised that Mingjue didn't expect that. Xichen has killed without hesitation before, of course, Mingjue knows that better than many - particularly those who weren't around for the Sunshot Campaign. But Jin Guangyao? Even Xichen had been shocked at himself. Still is, when he looks at the Meng Yao here, and the idea of harming him feels impossible.

Does he regret it? It's a question he's been asking himself since it happened - though he'd stopped after coming here, after finding things to focus on to distract himself. He misses him, he misses the friendship he thought he had, misses all the good moments throughout the years. But he had lost those before Jin Guangyao's death, and even the memories are tainted.

And yet he still cares. He doesn't have an answer. ]

I don't know. I regret my mistakes, his choices, his death. But under the same circumstances, I would make the same choice.

Maybe he didn't, and maybe we didn't, but I knew that he was a murderer, so if you're going to count yourself a fool for not suspecting it, you'll have to count me twice the fool for straying close anyway.

[ He doesn't think Xichen will be willing to let the conversation go there, but if he is - then they will speak on that, and the choices that were made, the decisions each of them had considered and committed themselves too, in at least so much as what they could each remember.

But he doesn't think it will happen. ]

You might be able to change him, here. I wouldn't count on it, but you might just manage it, if you remember that knowing him may be an impossibility.

[ Meng Yao will never hold his life in his hands again, if he can help it. But he knows that isn't the case for his friend, and that's what worries him. ]

If you'd make the same choice, and he knows what that choice is - at least you might be approaching each other on the same level.

You shouldn't. But I think you know that, and it hasn't stopped you, so at least keep it in your mind that he's dangerous.

I suspected it. It's only that I believed it to be in the same way that you and I had killed. [ But no, he will not stand for Mingjue being called a fool, even if it is by Mingjue himself. Even if it is for the very same thing that Xichen had claimed himself to be a fool for. ] You were not a fool. You have a good heart, Mingjue. It may not be as transparently soft as mine, but there is still softness in there.

[ Under different circumstances, that would have been teasing. And there is still the ghost of smile there, but mostly it is quiet, genuine. He tilts his head in a short nod, acknowledging the the sentiment. Fine, fine, perhaps fool is the wrong word. If he must apply it to Mingjue to apply it to himself, he will do neither.

He is still unsure how any of them can have any faith in his judgment, any trust in his opinion, but that is a conversation for another time.

And he listens, as he always has, to what Mingjue thinks, to his perspective of Meng Yao. Only this time - he offers no gentle rebukes, no quiet counters that their sworn brother is not dangerous.

Meng Yao has always been dangerous. He knows that exceedingly well, now, as he knows that the smart thing to do would be to walk away.

But he cannot. He knows, now, what it feels like to lose a limb - and were he feeling particularly poetic, he would liken it to what he felt at the loss of first Mingjue, and then A-Yao. ]

He will always do what he believes is necessary. What he thinks he must, to survive. I only want to give him more options than he thought he had before. [ His expression turns thoughtful, contemplative. ] There are no whispers he must endure here, no father he must always think of impressing. Perhaps - perhaps we may all see what we may be, when we are so far from the politics of our Sects.

That's what he wanted you to think, and what I didn't do a good job of refuting. He's good with words and you're hardly one to leap to conclusions. [ Not like him. He knows his own weaknesses and he knows them well - he's had most of his life with a little brother all too happy to lament on those very weaknesses the second he thought it might get him out of a day's saber training. He was stubborn and held to his judgement once it was made, implacable and with a tendency towards the unyielding. That was why he so often yielded to the advice of his close peers, and why he had sworn that ill-fated oath in the first place. It was frustrating, to face Xichen's implacable faith in Jin Guangyao, but he would take that over this inward-pointed disdain, the mistrust Xichen directed at himself like a knife. ] There is. There was and is. Meng Yao was my friend, and it does grieve me to think our relationship is so far gone that he would kill me, and betray both of our trusts in his manner. A stab to the back as he dealt the head of the Wen-dogs would have been preferable to this.

[ Death by qi deviation.

He had known it was coming for most of his life, from the moment his connection with Baxia had cultivated enough for her to form a proper saber spirit, a proper and true hunger for the blood of evil beings. He had watched his father die by degrees, the wound and infection doing only as much damage as his deteriorating qi, his maddened swings between paranoid rage and debilitating guilt. He had known it would be his fate, if battle itself didn't kill him outright.

To know the curse of his blood had indeed befallen him, but because of treachery? Because of misplaced trust and his own desire to stall his death and by Huaisang more time to be ready?

It's only that Xichen already blames himself so deeply that keeps Mingjue from giving voice to the true depths of his anger and hurt. ]

You can give him more options, Xichen. But he will only do what he thinks best benefits him. It wasn't for survival that he slew his captain at Langya.

[ He won't stop Xichen, but he won't help either. Meng Yao always said he had no choice, just as he chose the path that benefited him alone and damned all others. ]

Perhaps. I can only hope we find a way home before too long. Your Sect has Lan Qiren to guide them. My Nie Sect has...

[ He loves his brother, more than anything else in this life. But his brother is not what anyone in any world would say 'strong under pressure'. Being abruptly left to run their Sect, without answers as to Mingjue's own disappearance? It would be the definition of pressure. ]

[ There is no manner of Mingjue's death that he wants to think of as preferable, but he also cannot entirely disagree. Given the level of contention between his two closest friends, the affection and trust turned bitter and poisoned - he cannot say he would have been truly shocked, to learn that an encounter between them had ended with one of them dead. It is, then, the manner of that death that cuts so deeply.

Mingjue may not go fully into that depth, but Xichen doesn't need him to in order to know that there's more there that he doesn't give voice to. His heart aches, that this is a potential future that his friend has to face, that he must come to terms with a betrayal such as this and actively seek to stop it from happening.

His brows furrow briefly at the mention of Meng Yao killing a captain in Langya. ]

I'm uncertain if that was one of his crimes in my world.

[ Not that it particularly matters, he supposes, but it does mean he makes no attempt to clarify that he suspects survival means something very different to someone who grew up as Meng Yao did than it does to either of them. He has no desire to make excuses, just as he would never ask Mingjue to help him in this.

The fact that Mingjue is not only not going to stop him, but seems to be willing to continue to associate with Xichen himself is, quite honestly, more than he had allowed himself to hope for. ]

Huaisang is clever, and capable. If your world is as mine was, he will not be alone. I would support him however I could.

[ He did support him - or he thought he had. He's unsure, now, how much advice and support Huaisang truly needed from him, and how much was to keep up the appearance he wanted no one to see through. More things he had not had time to process before his seclusion was cut short, but they can wait until later.

Xichen thinks about leaving it there, about not returning to the subject of just how this is effecting Mingjue, but - there are too many things that he just let go, that he did not bring back up when he should have. ]

You have a right to your anger, and your grief. If I promise not to add your words onto my guilt, will you share it with me?

Probably one of the changes between your world and mine. It was his first murder, or at least the first I caught him at, killing his captain and fleeing to avoid the Jin's justice when I saw through his lies.

[ He strips the familiarity from the details, the personal hurts and emotions of the event, leaves out his own shock and disbelief as he watched his once-deputy kill a man in cold blood and smile in satisfaction, his disgust and fear as he considered what all he'd allowed Meng Yao to dig his fingers into, what crimes he might have missed for the sake of trust. The horror that had taken him, as Meng Yao thrust his sword into his own body and offered suicide as an alternative to justice -

the way he had been frozen on his knees in a battle field, as Meng Yao fled, his suicide as much a lie as the words leaving his lips.

His Xichen had offered every excuse when he was told, and had never wanted to consider that he, like Nie Mingjue, did not know Meng Yao. Even if this Xichen was older, more wise to Meng Yao's nature, he saw no reason to disclose that wound when Xichen wanted still to see that snake shed his skin. A person bent on so far. ]

It doesn't matter, while we're here.

[ And that is the unfortunate truth. For all Meng Yao's evils, and for all that Nie Mingjue would never trust him again, they were still prisoners. They still needed to escape. And killing a man for crimes he would eventually commit would be unjust. ]

Huaisang is clever and capable and my Nie Sect will protect him, and so will my Xichen, but he isn't ready, and neither is my treasury so fat it will survive his initial mischief intact.

[ Flat, dry humor, to cover his true fear - his brother trusted Jin Guangyao, who spoiled and indulged him more than Nie Mingjue could, these days, with his death coming faster than he could have planned, and his ability to let his brother do what he wanted restrained.

Jin Guangyao was planning his slow murder, and his brother trusted him. ]

Is that a promise you can keep, when nothing I say would be kind or warm.

It seems so. He killed his captain during a Wen attack on Qinghe, in my world, and was later heavily injured protecting you. He submitted himself to your justice and was banished.

[ And Mingjue still swore brotherhood with him in his world, despite that he fled from justice. He can only imagine what Mingue must have felt, watching Meng Yao murder someone and then flee rather than face him.

The version of events from his own world had seemed so much more muddied, a mess of conflicting motivations and loyalties, a trust betrayed and a punishment accepted and neither side truly understanding the other. But then, how much of that is because Lan Xichen had learned of the events of his world at a time when he had every reason to trust them both, and he is only hearing of these now that he knows the depth of Jin Guangyao's betrayal?

It's a relief to hear Mingjue settle upon the sentiment that most of those already here have agreed on - while they're here, it doesn't matter. What things Meng Yao is capable of is not the same thing as having done them, and what Wei Wuxian has done in the past has little bearing here.

He gives a firm nod of agreement, and cannot help the amused, fond smile that Mingjue's humor prompts. ]

His collection of fans will be even more the envy of all. [ He can suspect what the humor is a cover for, however, and his expression turns considering. ] There are enough differences between our worlds that I have been reluctant to give too many details, in case they are misleading...

[ But both times he has done so have been for Mingjue. First when he was unable to stand hearing the difference in what happened to his friend's remains from Wei Wuxian, and told him the identity of the pieces of the corpse they were collecting in hopes that they may end his suffering sooner. And now, in hopes that he may stop this Mingjue's death altogether. What is one more? ] Huaisang figured out the truth of Jin Guangyao long before anyone else did, in my world.

[ It would be easy to say yes without hesitation, to stand by the intention behind the promise and give no further thought to the unavoidable feelings the words may cause. Because it's Mingjue, he gives it honest consideration - and because it's Mingjue, he is able to give a nod and stand behind the promise. ]

They may hurt, but no more than I always do when you are in pain. Sharing it with you will not add more than knowing you are bearing it alone.

[ He closed his eyes, and his inhale was shakier than he would like, but the relief of that statement, the reassurance, was too powerful to be ignored. It wasn't that he didn't trust his brother - for all his faults, Huaisang was intelligent, capable, and he understand people and politics far better than Nie Mingjue ever could. It was only that he had spent all his life holding up the sky for his little brother, and to have it crash down upon those sheltered shoulders - even the most hardened men would stumble, and Huaisang was not that.

And that was without a murderer in their midst. At least he could be reassured that in one world, Huaisang had not thoroughly fooled. ]

Thank you. Perhaps our worlds will not be the same - but hopefully, that at least will remain true.

[ And then he grew serious, brows furrowed, and he did not argue, because if Lan Lichen wanted to hear him, then he would not give him another out. He would speak his mind, as he had so many times before. ]

You aren't my Xichen, so things may have been different between you and your Mingjue - but maybe you can tell me what I did to lose so much of your confidence that I had to be murdered for you to take my warnings about Jin Guangyao seriously.

When you hid that Meng Yao was your informant, was it his idea or yours to keep his loyalties a secret?

[ There's a sharp inhale, but he doesn't close his eyes, doesn't let the question - the accusation - rock his foundation. It's nothing that he hadn't already asked himself, and although there is a fresh stab of pain at knowing for certain that this is the way he made Mingjue feel - it is also a relief to have it no longer be something unspoken between them.

Xichen has been doing his best to pretend everything is fine since he arrived here, and, selfishly, he is relieved to drop the pretense. To have to answer for something. ]

It wasn't a lack of confidence in you. It was my own arrogance, especially at first. I believed I knew him better than anyone, and that if you could both see what I did, you would come to understand each other.

He was the one who suggested it, but I agreed. The more people who knew, the more danger, and he trusted me to protect him.

[ And Lan Xichen is honest enough with himself at least to know that he'd needed that. He'd failed to protect his family, his Sect, his home, he'd run away and spent the last few months in hiding, putting Meng Yao in danger just by remaining in his presence, let alone accepting his help. When they'd separated, Meng Yao to infiltrate the Wens and Xichen to finally join the war efforts, he'd been determined to keep that trust, and protect him. ]

My arrogance again.

Edited 2020-09-15 04:58 (UTC)

[ Before Meng Yao revealed his true colors, Nie Mingjue had never actually fought Lan Xichen over anything. They had argued over trifling matters, disagreed over tactics over the odd shared night hunt, even discussed the matter of war in circling terms long before the pressure built to a fever pitch, but they had never actually fought.

After, arguments had not been common - but they had been made. Nie Mingjue had curbed his tongue often, rather than score wounds in Lan Xichen's placid mask, but not always. That sharp inhale isn't a foreign sound.

The words that follow it are.

He had never considered Lan Xichen's choices a matter of arrogance - when he had bothered to consider them deeply, to acknowledge rather than discard the source of his frustrations, he had assumed it a matter of some private disdain, some growing frustration. It was not as though he were unaware of his flaws, or the failings that others had ascribed to him.

Knowing this isn't enough to excuse the burn. ]

What did you think he really was then? Someone pitiful that you needed to protect?

[ He shakes his head - there is another question, one he's never dared to ask his Xichen.]

The campaign is over and the bodies long buried. Your Mingjue - was he captured and brought to Nightless City as well? Was that a plan between the two of you?

[ Lan Xichen purposefully doesn't allow himself to think of things he should have done, of the different approaches he could have taken. How he could have taken extra care to ensure that Mingjue knew without a doubt that even though they argued, even though this was one of the few things they had ever truly fought on, that Lan Xichen's care and respect for him had never once diminished. He promised that he would not let this add to his guilt, and he will keep that promise.

He can do nothing to change the past, anyway. He can only learn, and change as he moves forward. ]

I did want to protect him, but I saw him as... someone who risked his life for mine, who was willing to risk it again for a world that believed he was worth nothing more than their disdain, simply because of who his mother was. Later, as someone who believed no one would accept him as who he was, and so he had to only show pieces of himself.

[ And that one, perhaps, is true, although clearly, Lan Xichen had never seen as many of the pieces as he thought he had. The next question - his heart twists painfully in his chest.

This one is an easier answer, for him, but he can only theorize for his other self. ]

Never. There are many ways that I failed you, Mingjue, but I cannot believe your Xichen would have created such a plan involving you without your knowledge any more than I could.

[ Recalling the fear he felt, knowing what Mingjue was taking on - it seems impossible that any version of himself could have planned something that would ensure his capture rather than work to prevent it. ]

It was a pronged attack, in my world. We came to the conclusion that the only way to stop the war was to eliminate Wen Ruohan, and my Mingjue determined that it would be him. He would sneak into Nightless City himself to confront him.

[ He still remembers hearing if I die, Zewu-jun will take control, and knowing this would not be something he could talk him out of. He still isn't sure whether or not he regrets not trying anyway. ]

Meng Yao sent me a formation map of Qishan, detailing its forces. I spent several days discerning its accuracy, and then presented it to you. You lead a small group of men into Nightless City, and I and the others lead attacks elsewhere to distract from it. You were caught, and we were nearly overwhelmed, until Wei Wuxian.

[ If who Meng Yao was is someone who would use people's trust to commit cruel murder, then no, he wasn't going to find very many people willing to accept him. But Nie Mingjue was tactful enough to not say that to Lan Xichen, at least. He might end up saying it to Meng Yao, should an encounter go south - but that would be a concern for the future, a future that might not happen.

Just as his own death may be a future that does not happen. ]

Soft hearts making for soft defenses.

[ And it was an acknowledgement, rather than a strict condemnation. He knew better than to waste energy expecting Lan Xichen to doubt Meng Yao.

Still, at the following answer, his shoulders relaxed a touch, something unapologetic yet sheepish shadowing his face. ]

I didn't want to doubt that, but - well. It was convenient, in my time, Meng Yao to be able to cement his place by killing Wen Ruohan and saving my life. I didn't think Xichen would, but -

[ And he's had his doubts, all along, but this is the first time he's been able to set that one to rest. He can't fathom the difference between this man and the version he knows best being vast, and therefore -

a fear can be banished. ]

It was similar, in my world.

[ There's a ghost of a smile at that, and while it isn't bitter, it isn't happy, either. An acknowledgement for an acknowledgement, and he presses his fingertips over his own heart for a moment.

He is soft hearted. It has been a choice, for as long as he can remember, to walk through loss and hardship and never let it harden his heart. He hasn't decided, yet, if it's a choice he regrets. If it's one he should continue to make.

The smile grows a little more solid when Mingjue's shoulders relax. If nothing else, at least he seems to have been able to take that weight from his shoulders. His tone turns thoughtful. ]

Wei Wuxian saved my Mingjue's life. Wen Ruohan left you when Wuxian began to turn the tide of the battle, and they fought. It was Wei Wuxian that Meng Yao saved by killing Wen Ruohan.

[ Another thing that he had been forever grateful to Wei Wuxian for - that he had lured Wen Ruohan out before Mingjue was lost. But not entirely relevant to the point, and Lan Xichen gives a sharp nod. ]

I understand why you doubted. It was exactly what he needed for Jin Guangshan to recognize him, and I knew he hoped to have some accomplishment during the war that would earn his father's respect. I supported him infiltrating the Wen, I kept his identity secret, it was not unreasonable to believe I would have supported another of his plans to gain recognition. But... there is very little I would not have done to keep you safe.

[ His own brow furrows at this, considering the distinction between roles in his own world and this one. He thinks - if Meng Yao's actions were the same across their worlds, but with some interruptions... he wonders, and shares the events of his own time slowly, thinking through each shared word. ]

Wei Wuxian did not intervene in my own battle - I'm not even sure if he was near Nightless City when it happened. We weren't planning a strike - I was captured in Yangquan after an ambush, and brought to Wen Ruohan with my men.

[ He paused - and then continued, relentless even towards himself. Matters were different enough between their worlds, but still - ]

Meng Yao was the one to murder my disciples for Wen Ruohan's pleasure, and the one to start my own torture. Killing Wen Ruohan saved my life - and his own, from death by hand. Those events may not have happened in your time, but if Meng Yao is as alike to the Jin Guangyao my time as you are to my own Lan Xichen, then there will be the chance of it.

Convincing him that people's lives aren't pieces to be sacrificed in a game of xiangqi is where you should start with changing his future.

[ Nie Mingjue was staunchly unwilling to take on that particular task or any other with the goal of helping Meng Yao develop a moral center after what he'd learned. He would pursue no grievances, but he had sworn brotherhood with Jin Guangyao in the hope of guiding him away from the murderous path he'd crafted for himself, and the tale of his own murder is proof of his failure.

This was Lan Xichen's vision, his goal, to change Meng Yao. Nie Mingjue would offer his insight not to help Meng Yao, but to help Xichen. ]

And I you. That is still true today.

Edited 2020-09-16 07:10 (UTC)

[ The slight interest in his expression probably makes it clear how curious he is about the differences between their worlds, if the fact that he's leaning in a little closer isn't obvious enough. He'd tried to restrain himself from asking too much with Wangji and Wei Wuxian, when he first got here, reasoning that he'd spent too much time in seclusion thinking about what ifs, about how things might have changed if he'd only done something different.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to know. And yes, it's certainly true that he can't be sure which timeline the Meng Yao here is from, what the specifics of his future might have held if he hadn't been brought here. It could be a mix of theirs, or something entirely different, and it's good to remember that - only it registers only dimly, because Lan Xichen's mind catches and stalls when Mingjue speaks of his torture.

He isn't sure why it's this that sends cracks through his composure. They've already spoken of Mingjue's death, of Lan Xichen's own involvement in it, of the planned strike and Mingjue's capture - but somehow it's the words my own torture that brings back memories of pulling Mingjue into his lap right there in Wen Ruohan's throne room when the battle was won, refusing to leave until he woke up, and tangles them all up with the last stages of his qi deviation. Before he's quite aware of it happening, he finds that he has reached out. One hand on Mingjue's shoulder, fingers curling in, and the other on his chest, palm pressed to his heart so he can feel it beating. ]

It is still true for me as well.

[ He clears his throat as he withdraws, glancing away briefly as he tucks one hand behind his back, and refocuses back on the topic at hand. Meng Yao, and convincing him not to play with people's lives. ]

Yes. Yes, that's what I hoped. There is no need to sacrifice others to obtain the security he needs, and there are always other choices even when he can only see one.

[ Lan Xichen's interest was obvious, and Nie Mingjue could hardly blame him - the differences in their worlds were a matter of interest to be certain, or they would have been if not for the way Nie Mingjue seemed destined to die a particularly horrific death.

That knowledge had put a certain damper on his curiosity.

Still, the last thing he expected was the spasm of pain that crossed Xichen's face, not when they've spoken so seriously of his own death, of murders both past and still to come, of the way Lan Xichen was pulled into it all - truly, he had no idea what had finally worn at his often-gentle friend. The way his hands press, one at his chest, the other curled taut over his shoulder, gripping as if to reassure himself that Nie Mingjue lived -

he looked away. Who was he to judge what his friend needed? ]

You have a heavy task in front of you. Murder - Meng Yao is too willing to murder, and those around him too willing to look past it. Myself included - in this place that seems determined to strip us of our options, it would be best to ensure siding with our captors never seems a favorable option.

[ If he's honest, he still isn't quite certain this is real. He has seen Mingjue so often in his dreams, and he knows that the people who rule this place are quite capable of getting inside one's mind. It would not be a surprise if this was a trick, if he wakes tomorrow and finds that Mingjue is gone.

It is - reassuring, to feel him warm and solid beneath his hands, even though he can already feel the tips of his ears warming a little at needing this much to steady himself. ]

It is too soon for Meng Yao to be interested in making a deal with the Queen, I think. She has too much power, and he does not have enough information to plan for contingencies in the case that she did not keep her word. But he would, were that not the case, and he believed it necessary.

[ It would be naive to think otherwise, and while Lan Xichen still cares for Meng Yao, still thinks this version is not too far gone - he has few illusions about how his mind works, or what his priorities are. ]

Murder does not stick here. It seems they have perfected reanimation, even limb reattachment, in a way beyond anything I have seen before. [ His left hand clenches and opens slowly, as if he's testing its movement without even being conscious of it. ] My judgement is faulty. I - am aware that I cannot be trusted in this, but I don't know what else to do. Wangji has agreed to keep an eye on me.

At least there is that. He would not place himself under another's power without the surety of an escape route.

[ He was angry with Meng Yao - perhaps beyond angry, even if he had yet to truly process it - but he was not willing to let that fool him, or goad him into thinking the utmost worst, when it might be the wrong choice. ]

What else can you do? Shun the snake as he deserves, and watch him surely turn to the Queen? Embrace him with open arms and taste the bite of his fangs when he turns on you? Xichen, just because I wouldn't take your course doesn't mean I know what to do.

You say he hasn't even committed the crimes yet. Murder to prevent future crime would still be murder, still be unjust. If you're watching him - if we're all watching him - maybe you'll have what you want.

Or he'll lash out and be put down before he can take anyone else with him.

[ It wasn't simple or easy but what else was there to do? ]

[ It's a little disconcerting hearing Mingjue ask some of the same questions that he has already asked himself. Not because it was ever unusual for him and Mingjue to have the same opinions in things, not even because one of the few things they truly disagreed on was how to approach Jin Guangyao - but because there is a not insignificant part of him that had already concluded there was a better way to handle this, one he simply couldn't see.

It's difficult to reconcile his lack of faith in his own decisions and his confidence in Mingjue when they reach similar conclusions.

For a long moment, he is speechless. When he does speak, his voice is quiet. ]

I want what I have always wanted, Mingjue, for you both to be safe and happy.

[ It is a selfish want, and quite possibly an impossible one, even in these other timelines, but there it is. ]

I trust you more than I trust him.

[ He is not certain it is something that needs to be said - in the past, he might have assumed that Mingjue knew how much Lan Xichen trusted him, but he knows now where his assumptions had lead. It should be obvious, that he trusts his oldest friend more than a man with significant capacity to betray them all, but considering his history... he does not want to leave room for doubt. ]

[ To be trusted more than Jin Guangyao - it might be petty, but it's satisfying, validating even, to hear those words, when he's doubted that very idea, all this time. ]

To be safe, we must work together. To work together, we must trust each other... or at least trust most of us to stand together. Making an enemy now would be a mistake.

Lan Xichen. I trust you with my life. I have trusted you before this, and do so even now.

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