funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 005

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TEST DRIVE MEME 005

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. INFESTATION

It starts with soft squeaks echoing in the hallways, the lobby, even Oysters' rooms. There's no accompanying scratching or the scurrying of feet that would usually signify an animal in the walls, only incessant squeaking that never seems to let up. Less than a day after it begins, the first squeaking creature makes its appearance. It is quickly followed by another, and another, and another, until one can't take more than a few steps without encountering one.

They range in size from no longer than an inch to almost a foot in length, and can be found everywhere from the pool area to the buffet to crawling beneath the blankets at night. Aside from their constant presence, they seem harmless. The creatures are soft and squishy, warm and dry to the touch, and don't seem to have any claws or even teeth. If they are treated with kindness, they may even become attached to certain Oysters, who will begin to find they can tell the creature apart from the others.

They can also be killed quite easily. They are resilient, and will bounce if dropped, but they have no defense against anything sharp and the smaller ones will not recover if stepped on.

The hotel staff view the little green creatures with varying levels of distaste, from mild irritation to shrieking at the sight of one.

"It always happens this time of year," one staff may say if asked. "The weather changes, they come in from the garden."

"They're hiding," another may state. "Who wouldn't? It's much safer in here."

Safer from what, you may ask?

The hotel staff give no answer to that.

After only a few days, the small creatures will begin to change. Those who have been shown kindness will become softer, fluffier. Prolonged contact with them will invoke feelings of happiness, will bring daydreams that feel real, though no one else can see them.

Those who have not been treated kindly will become more resilient, with spikes sharp enough to prick skin at the slightest touch. Stumbling over one of these will cause terrible hallucinations, waking nightmares that can only be dispelled with assistance from another.

II. THE QUEEN'S GARDEN

The creatures have been in the hotel over a week when a new archway appears in the hotel lobby.

It is nearly October, hotel staff will say. There is a wedding to prepare for, and the yearly harvest festival. The Queen does so love her Oysters, of course, that she is opening up her gardens for both.

The garden itself is expansive, spanning multiple acres. There is a winding path lined with neatly manicured rose bushes in all colors, another overgrown with ivy, another leading through trees with leaves of reds and golds. Groves of fruit trees are heavy with apples and pears. Elaborate water fountains and delicate streams flow between small ponds, each bordered by different types of water plants and filled with everything ranging from goldfish to koi. There is a chill in the air, and scattered throughout the gardens are stone fire pits, a stash of blankets, bags of marshmallows and cartons of fresh pressed apple cider.

It is the only place aside from the pool that Oysters will be able to see the sun instead of the eternal twilight outside of the hotel windows.

Night will fall here, too, and with it all the fire pits are lit. Lanterns line the paths, and some glow from the thick of the gardens themselves, though there are still shadowy places that one can retreat to if desiring privacy.

III. HEDGE MAZE

The garden is bordered on all sides by a massive wall of shrubbery — a hedge maze, hotel staff will say. They may even warn that those who go in without an escort will find themselves hopelessly lost.

There is nothing stopping Oysters from trying anyway, of course. The entrance to the hedge maze is difficult to find, but not impossible for those who are persistent. No matter what time of day it is in the garden, it will be night in the hedge maze, with no lanterns to guide the way. The entrance back to the garden will glow warm and bright for only a few moments after stepping inside, and will then disappear entirely.

It seems there is no way to go but forward.

The deeper into the maze, the darker it gets, as though even the moon and stars are growing dim. Oysters may catch sounds of soft breathing in the night, and may even observe that the hedge wall itself seems to sway as though something just beyond it — or in it — is moving. Those who enter the maze will find themselves wandering for what feels like hours, days. Does that turn look familiar? Have you been down this way before? Who can tell, when nothing about the maze ever seems to change.

Eventually, Oysters will find that they have been lead back to the garden, exhausted and hungry, though no time at all has passed for everyone else.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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"I can hardly tell you otherwise, when I have felt the same." He knows very well that it is not a feeling that will go away simply because someone else tells you it isn't true. "Perhaps there will always be something more we could have done. But it does not mean you owe me anything."

When Huaisang pulls his hand away to hug him, Lan Xichen lets out a long, slow breath, letting his body relax so he can gather Huaisang up in his arms and pull him in. He holds on just as tight, eyes slipping shut for a moment when he says he doesn't know how he doesn't hold it against him.

Because he loves Huaisang. It is hardly a secret that Lan Xichen is soft hearted - both he himself and Mingjue had called him so, when they discussed matters here, and it is no different with Huaisang. There are things he could not forgive, even with those he loves, but this is not one of them. Not when he has already gone over it again and again in his mind.

"How could I? You were betrayed, angry and grieving, and alone." How utterly alone Huaisang must have felt with Mingjue ripped from him, unable to truly depend on the two who should have stood with him through anything, the knowledge of the betrayal and Jin Guangyao's true nature hanging over him at every moment. "I'm here," he adds, very quietly. "I will still be here, as long as you want."

Perhaps, Huaisang will argue that point at a later time. That he should have found a way to make it so that Meng Yao died by Huaisang's hands and not just his words, not on Xichen's hands. But at this time he doesn't press it because he doesn't want to argue with him. He just wants to be there in comforting arms, crying tears he really hadn't allowed himself much of in the past years.

Huaisang just sags even more into Xichen's, his arms tightening around him and how is it that the other can make him feel seen for the first time in years. He had been alone, alone in his grief and his knowledge, his plans.

"Thank you," is all he says, pressing his face into the other's shoulder, he'll apologize about that later.

It's telling, he thinks, that Huaisang doesn't protest. Perhaps he is just as tired as Lan Xichen is, when he lets himself stop focusing on this place and his purpose within it long enough to feel. He is not quite naive enough to think that the conversation is finished, but it hardly matters at the moment.

At the moment, all he wants is to hold Huaisang so tightly that he might begin to believe that, after so long, he is no longer be alone.

Lan Xichen shifts a little, so he can run his hand over Huaisang's hair, gentle and soothing.

"You are welcome. Always," he murmurs, an echo of the promise he had made Mingjue when they agreed that they were still sworn brothers, no matter the differences in their timelines.

Huaisang eventually starts to calm, to stop crying. He turns his head so it's his cheek that's resting on the other's shoulder, reaching up a hand to wipe at his face. Well, he probably looks a mess. He doesn't make a move to pull away or loosen his hold on Xichen.

He doesn't want to give up being held just yet.

"I'm glad you're here."

It feels selfish, somehow, to admit that he is glad that Huaisang is here, too, when he knows full well what this place is like. They are more powerless here than he has ever been at home, and yet - and yet being here has brought him hope that he could not have imagined, when he was sitting in seclusion at home.

Perhaps he can be a little selfish.

"As am I. I missed you," he says, giving no indication that he is ready to stop holding Huaisang, either. "And I am glad to see you, even in such a place."

Maybe they're all allowed to be selfish at this point.

"I missed you too," Huaisang exhales, closing his eyes. "There are far worse places we could be, I'm sure."

At least here, the air is somewhat cleared, at least here Mingjue is there somehow.

"True. At least we are together."

Lan Xichen does not know what he would have done if he had woken up here without his family. If nothing else, it has given him the opportunity to meet this other world's Wangji and Wuxian, and to have a second chance with another Mingjue and Meng Yao.

He tips his head down, resting it against Huaisang's.

"Huaisang - we are all from different times, here. Whether you wish to drop any pretense or keep it up, I will support you."

"Yes," Huaisang agrees, a smiling starting to tug at the corner of his lip. "I've been alone a really long time."

His eyes close as the weight of the other's head rests against his own and he's comforted by it, everything about this is a comfort and makes him feel safe. He sighs as he has to face the reality of the situation here.

"I don't want to keep pretending."

He'd just found the end of it back home he didn't know that he could start all over again.

"Never again."

It's foolish to make such a promise, and would be so whether it was back home or here. If Lan Xichen has learned nothing else, it's that the people you love can always be taken from you, no matter what you try to do. But he doesn't care. It will not stop him from expressing the sentiment, or from trying anyway.

He smiles, just a little, when Huaisang says he doesn't want to keep pretending. "I'm glad. You deserve a rest, and I - would like us to do this together. No pretenses, just you. I trust you."

It is a promise that is probably impossible to keep but Huaisang accepts it all the same. He takes a deep breath and his arms finally loosen but he's still not moving away. He nods at the following words.

"I trust you too."

He always had but he had also known Xichen's weaknesses.

There is a sharp intake of breath when Huaisang says that, his hands tightening reflexively in the other's robes before he loosens his grip.

"How can you?"

There is something freeing in the words, the question he has asked himself over and over - even here, even where he has been able to be more of what he should be. How can any of them trust him, when he has been proven to be so thoroughly faulty in his judgement?

"I hardly trust myself."

"How can I not?" Huaisang returns, swallowing a little and looking up at Xichen.

"Da ge, trusted you," Huaisang murmurs.

"You are not your mistakes."

Lan Xichen smiles at that, but it is bitter and broken, and he hates it the moment he feels it on his lips.

It was - nice, for Meng Yao to spin his faults into strengths when Lan Xichen tells him of them, for Mingjue to say that if Lan Xichen was a fool than so was he, for Huaisang to say he is not his mistakes.

But he got Mingjue killed, and he was nearly as blind to Huaisang as he was to Jin Guangyao. He knows what he is.

"What is a Sect Leader, if not the grand total of their mistakes weighed against their successes? What good have I ever done, that could provide enough of a balance for that?"

The questions have barely left his lips before he is shaking his head, fingers clenching tightly to - whoever's robes are under his hands at the moment, he honestly isn't certain. This should not be Huaisang's burden to bear, and he cannot allow himself to bleed out just because there are cracks in his composure.

"They are not questions that are meant to have an answer. We have much more important things here - we have been trying to find a better way to communicate, one that protects us from others listening in."

Huaisang frowns at Xichen. And he answers anyway.

"You have been doing good for years, years before I became a Sect Leader. You're just blind to it because of your guilt."

He lets the other clutch on his robes and his arms tighten in a firm hug around him. He didn't blame Xichen for what happened to Mingjue. Huaisang had had unique experiences that had given him more signs than most, perhaps... Xichen had never been on the cutting edge of Meng Yao's attacks, Huaisang had. Meng Yao had nearly killed him too and by his brother's hand. Meng Yao had been foolish in thinking that Huaisang would be too stupid to put it together.

Huaisang's arms loosen once more and at some point he will have to pull away from the other but he doesn't want to yet. It's like he's trying to make up for years and years of a drought of real comfort and companionship.

"No talisman that works?"

"A-Sang." He isn't sure if he'd meant it as a plea or a warning, but mostly it just comes out quiet and tired. He has already fractured too much, during this conversation, and he doesn't have the energy to gracefully accept what Huaisang is saying.

Or, even worse, to have to explore what it means that Huaisang believes that after everything, or to think about just how many ways Lan Xichen had allowed himself to be blinded and wonder if, perhaps, this is now another one.

"I am here, and I am looking forward. That is enough for me."

It's more than he had back home, anyway - and still he makes no move to pull away, either. If it brings Huaisang comfort, he will stay like this as long as he wants, particularly when it selfishly brings him comfort as well.

"Wuxian is working on developing one, but it's complicated with our spiritual energy mostly sealed."

Huaisang smiles just a little at the other calling him that, he doesn't say anything else about the topic, letting the other drop it with those words. He sighs against his chest as he listens.

"Mm, That must be much harder for you than I," he says with a wry smile.

"I don't want to let go, er ge."

Lan Xichen strokes over Huaisang's hair one more time in gratitude, relieved to let the subject go - at least for now.

"It has been a challenge," he agrees, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. "It means we must be creative - another reason I'm glad you're here."

He's quiet for a moment when Huaisang says he doesn't want to let go. He doesn't know how many of the times that Huaisang ended up in his arms, over the years, were a pretense, how many were genuinely seeking comfort, how many were a mix of both. He should ask, probably, because asking is what he is trying to do now, but does the answer really matter?

No. His response would be the same.

"I have not asked you to. You can have this, Huaisang, whenever you want. You do not have to be upset to want to be held."

Huaisang had tried to keep Xichen out of his pretenses as much as he could but sometimes he was there and it couldn't be helped. In truth, the times that he had found himself in Xichen's pretense or not had been a true comfort because Xichen was true. He makes a sound of acknowledgment, he could be quite creative -- he had had to be his whole life. Perhaps he really could be useful here.

"You have always been so kind to me," Huaisang smiles slightly as he looks up at the other.

"You can as well."

"You have always deserved kindness."

And he still believes that to be true. There are things that Huaisang had felt he had to do that Lan Xichen doesn't agree with, but even at his angriest, even when he was ready to believe that everything that he'd thought he'd known about Huaisang had been a lie - he had always circled very quickly back to thinking of how much pain Huaisang must have been in.

It had occurred to him, a few times, to wonder at Huaisang's motivations, but he had never been able to seriously consider anything but his brother's death.

And even though Lan Xichen was the one who requested to drop this, when Huaisang tells him that he can have this too it suddenly seems important that he know that.

"Huaisang. Even when I was angry enough with you to question your motivations, I never truly believed it was for anything but Mingjue."

Huaisang shakes his head. He doesn't particularly feel that way, especially now but it made him appreciate the kindness even more. He knew it's in Xichen's nature to be kind to everyone. He hadn't ever really seen him be unkind to anyone before. It's just not in his nature and he's good in a way that Huaisang can't be.

He looks up when the other continued, staring at him. He feels quite on the verge of crying again and his hands tighten on the other's robes again.

"Thank you."

"I suppose it is hypocritical of me to insist that it's true." Considering he had not accepted Huaisang's words when the other told him that there was good that he had done, he can hardly force the issue. "Then I will believe it for you, until you're ready to accept it."

Perhaps it can be enough, for them to believe in each other.

He shifts a little when Huaisang tightens his grip on his robes, leaning back against the stump he'd sat next to so he can take more of the other's weight on him and hold him closer.

"For what?"

Huaisang tilts his head at that and then nods. They can believe in it for each other. He's good with that. He needs that maybe. As the other shifts and he settles more against him he closes his eyes and vaguely wonders if time could just stop right here for a little while.

"For not thinking the worst of me."

Ah.

For a time he considered the worst of everyone. If he had been so fooled by A-Yao, someone he thought he was closer to than most others, then how could he be sure of anyone?

But he was not unaware of some of the things that Jin Guangyao had done, and he knew there was a capacity for darkness inside him. He knew there were things that he was willing to do that others considered unsavory - he only did not know how far he was truly willing to go, or that his motivations were not always noble. In a way, he supposes he's always known Jin Guangyao's nature - just not to the extremes that he could go to.

It is the same for Huaisang. He may not have known the lengths that Huaisang was willing to go to, but he did know his determination, his cleverness, and his love for his brother. He is not Jin Guangyao.

Lan Xichen runs his hand over Huaisang's hair again, absently.

"I hope you can eventually feel as though you do not have to hide so much from me."

Huaisang closes his eyes as the other touches his hair and he relaxes further against him. He didn't look up as he heard the other's sentiment and he's quiet in the face of it for a moment, watching the fire.

He's been hiding from everyone for so long he doesn't know if he knows how to stop, how to truly stop. There's a piece of himself peaking through here in the way he curls into Xichen, as he takes and gives comfort. As he let some of his pain show, as they talked more honestly than they had for years.

"I let you see more than anyone else."

There is something quietly intoxicating about those words. There have only been a handful of people that Lan Xichen believed that to be true of - he is aware, now, that it is an indicator of intimacy for him. The people that he has been closest to - Wangji, Mingjue, A-Yao, even Huaisang himself - they have all, to varying degrees, been seen incompletely by the rest of the world. A blank wall of ice, a man ruled by his temper, the son of a whore with aspirations beyond his station, a useless headshaker - Lan Xichen had believed with all of them that he could see past all of that, that they had allowed him to know them as completely as anyone could know another person.

Was it arrogance, or a desire for closeness? To know them as few others had, as he allowed them to know him, to see beyond what the world knew of Zewu-jun? Aside from Wangji, he isn't sure what to believe anymore.

But he wants it. He wants it to be true, so badly.

He doesn't say any of that. Instead, he wraps his other arm around Huaisang, holding him more closely.

"Lately I have... had difficulty, occasionally, being able to tell what is real." It is a very quiet admittance - it almost hurts to say it, to acknowledge out loud what he has been wrestling with since Wangji and Wuxian first told him of their suspicions.

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