funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

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TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us for our grand opening gala. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

As you pass through the entrance to the casino floor, an attendant passes you a small bag of chips. The casino is loud and bright and filled with games of every kind — you want to play poker? They've got a table for that. Sabacc? There's a table for that, too. Slots, pachinko, and bingo are just a few of the other games on offer. The attendant in the lobby wasn't lying, either — everyone who plays wins. Everyone, every time.

Servers wander the floor with trays of shotglasses full of multi-coloured liquids, offering them to every Oyster "Compliments of Her Royal Highness." If you're expecting alcohol, though, you'll be surprised — these drinks are teas made of the distilled emotions of every Oyster in the hotel. Each colour of tea corresponds to a different emotion, and as soon as you take a sip, you feel overcome with that emotion.

JOY — the distilled essence of happiness, this tea makes even the most rough and tumble of Oysters giddy with happiness — for a moment. The effect fades into a general sense of contentment and affability after a few seconds, and that itself fades away slowly over the course of twenty minutes.

ANGER — this tea, anger in liquid form, can make the most even-tempered of Oysters ready to absolutely blow a gasket. For twenty minutes, anyone who drinks this tea will find themselves much more easily annoyed, frustrated, and all around irritable and snappy.

SADNESS — distilled sadness is a potent tea, capable of turning a stoic, stalwart Oyster into a blubbering mess in moments. Events that may have previously only been a minor disappointment become the end of the world, every repressed unhappiness comes to the fore, and for twenty minutes, any Oyster who drinks a sadness tea can hardly keep themselves together.

II. MAKING WAVES

If gambling isn't to your interest, there are many other areas of the hotel to explore! For the moment, only The Pool Of Tears and the Pig & Pepper Buffet are available for Oysters to peruse, but the staff assure anyone who asks that the other facilities will be open by the next day. Unfortunately, that means no one can buy any swimsuits from This Elegant Thimble, but the staff aren't going to kick anyone out of the pool for jumping in in their clothes!

There are four main attractions to The Pool of Tears: the pool, the jacuzzi, the wave pool, and the lazy river. The water is always just the right temperature, clean and clear and refreshing. It feels as if the sun shines down from above you, warm and comforting. Scattered through the pool area are clusters of modern lounge chairs, just waiting for someone to come relax in them. The Pool is, in a word, serene.

But not for long. The waves generated by the wave pool begin to get choppier, and larger, until it becomes clear that the generator itself is malfunctioning — too late, however, to avoid the tsunami that crashes through the whole Pool and leaves it flooded. Thankfully, no water escapes into the rest of the hotel, and the hotel staff work quickly to rescue those trapped in the Pool and drain the flooding — but you better hope you can tread water until they get to you!

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

The Pig & Pepper buffet serves lunch foods from across all different cultures, offering something for everyone, and some things you've never even heard of.

On offer with these lunchtime dishes are cookies and biscuits and scones of all kinds, held on tiered trays with signs that proclaim Eat Me! in delightfully whimsical calligraphy. Nearby, hotel staff man a small booth for doling out cups of fruit waters from large pitchers, which have Drink Me! painted playfully on their sides.

It takes a while to feel the effects — perhaps you've even left the Pig & Pepper by the time it happens — but those who eat the cookies and scones inevitably end up growing in size, whether a few inches or feet, and those who drank the fruity water similarly shrink. Eat enough and you might strain the ceiling; drink enough and you'll be the size of a thimble! It's not permanent — if no one else can help you figure out how to get back to normal, the staff certainly will — but it's definitely inconvenient!

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Welcome to the (second!) first TDM of Happy Hearts, a new panfandom roleplaying game here on DW! If you have any questions, please direct them to the first comment on this page. Happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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"No seriously..everything here is free. Food, drinks, our rooms, clothing..those stupid games in the game area. They don't charge us anything. Just pick what you want and it's yours."

Apparently currency means nothing here, which is also why it doesn't matter what you do in the casino. Since the money is meaningless..they don't care if you win lots of it. It makes playing the games rather boring.

He wanders in and tries to look for something simple just so he can have something dry on his body for going to the bar. Of course his go-to is black so he is migrating to the racks that have a lot of black and red in them.

"At least we don't have to rely on Lan Zhan to buy everything for us."

"Sounds like there's a catch."

He really wants to be suspicious, but he's not a very good liar, right? And the hotel staff had already given him those other free things, like a room and whatever that device was, and that bag of toy coins...

Still, he casts himself a suspicious glance before joining in to look at the clothing. It's... strange, honestly. The styles are unfamiliar, and while he's all for trying something new, he can't say he's sure how to even wear some, or how the sizing works, but black is always a good option.

He finds a pair of loose black pants that seem to have a drawstring rather than ties, but they look comfortable, and best of all, dry. It's a start.

"I'm sure Lan Zhan will relieved," he grins.

"They catch is they get to drown us in the pool, make us rage with emotion teas, and have to deal with whatever crazy things they throw at us. And we have to do it with no one to complain to."

This Wei Wuxian has already had to deal with the uncertainty over the clothing selection once so he has a pretty good idea what he doesn't want to wear. When he finally finds pants he stares at the ones his other is selecting and puts them back. They might be soul twins..but they don't need to be dressed like twins. Realizing he doesn't have to be a perfect fashion specimen to go to the bar, he quickly selects something that looks rather akin to pajamas. Very comfortable looking wide leg black pants in a soft material and a red tshirt. He carries his new found goodies towards the changing rooms.

"He finally doesn't have to worry about paying for everything. Especially considering we are even more broke now then before we were brought into these bodies." He didn't take anything but a donkey from the Mo family.

"You make a very compelling point," he acknowledges. He'd been under the impression that the shops might be separate, some folks just trying to make a living, but to hear they were just part of the same entity responsible for their early dunking...? Yeah, some dry clothes were the least they were owed, in his opinion.

"And to think Hanguang Jun is just as destitute as we are here, that must have been a shock!" he can't help a laugh.

Wei Wuxian watches as his double picks a few things and leaves before searching for anything like robes. He eventually finds a red brocade shirt that he pairs with a loose black one, and a wide black belt.

Search as he might, there's not a shoe to be found in the shop though, and he has to give it up before heading to the changing rooms.

It doesn't take him long to change and he comes out with his damp bathing trunks and takes them up to the staff at the counter. He hands them over so they can be cleaned and dried and taken to his room. He then finds a chair to plop down into to wait for his soul twin.

The staff brings him another towel so he can further dry his hair while he waits. That long ponytail likes to hold a lot of water and the staff even brings him a dry hair ribbon. He has spent a lot of time chatting with the staff his few times in the room so they are more then willing to help him. He changes out his ribbon and they put his with the wet suit to be laundered.

The fabric is nice, even if it's not as fitted as his usual hanfu, but the belt helps. He looks in the mirror and tries to fix his tangle of hair, re-tying his ribbon, though it feels like a lost cause.

Once dressed, it doesn't take him long to spot his twin, and he hurries over, grinning.

"Hey, I'm curious," his smile grows mischievous as he nears the other Wei Wuxian.

"Which of us can drink most? I don't think we've ever had worthy competition."

Now that is just not fair. He's in a different body. Who knows what Mo Xuanyu can handle! But he does enjoy a challenge and the smile he returns is one just as mischievous.

"Guess it is a good thing the drinks are free. Because they haven't met anyone who can drink like us. And I'm going to out drink you by twice as many."

He stands up and tilts his nose into the air in confidence. They definitely haven't met anyone else who could possibly come close to drinking like they can. Finally a worthy challenger has appeared!

"The drinks here have a little more kick then the wine back home. You better prepare yourself."

He's well aware of the advantage, or rather, his perceived advantage. Is Mo Xuanyu much of a drinker? He'd think perhaps his size might help, but look at Lan Zhan, he was close to Wei Wuxian's size and couldn't even handle a single cup!

Either way, it sounded like it would be a fun time, and best of all, a way to forget his current troubles.

"Twice as many?" he scoffed, "so cocky already. As if I'm scared of wine with a little more kick! I welcome the challenge!"

He's quick to fold his arms across his puffed-out chest. It was hard to worry about losing face if Wei Wuxian would be the winner either way.

"Let's go get started!" Luckily there are two Lan Zhan's around to carry them back to their rooms if they get to wasted they can't find their way around the hotel. Because neither one is likely to stop before they reach that point.

With a wave towards the staff, he heads out towards the bar. It's not a long walk luckily. This is another place that he tends to frequent when he is not at the pool so the staff almost always is ready to get him whatever he desires. He has started to try everything just to see what he might actually like more then wine.

He hops up to the bar and sits on one of the stools, "Now..to keep it fair we obviously have to drink the same drink. Should we stick with one drink and go with that until we have a winner, or should we switch it up with each round? The amount of different drinks here, outdoes anything we have ever seen at home."

An excited cheer erupts as he follows Wei Wuxian to the bar, grateful for small miracles that came in the form of small bottles. Anything at all that feels familiar now, including the heady buzz of alcohol is welcome, right along-side forgetting all his troubles at the bottom of a cup.

The layout of this bar, like everything else here is foreign and strange, but he follows his other self over to one of the tall seats.

"Aah, I'll have to concede that Wei Wuxian has excellent taste, so I won't have to worry. Let's see what this place has to offer! We might as well try some new things, that's half the fun!"

"Of course we do. So..a different drink for every round." He explains the game to the barkeep so that he can keep loading them up as they finish. He acknowledges it and starts them off with their first set of drinks.

"Okay so we don't move onto the next round until each of us has finished everything in the glass." And these glasses are significantly larger the the little cups they are used to. It's not going to be a quick shot and then done. But luckily the bartender does give them the ones that are about half the size of a normal drink so they at least won't pass out within the first couple rounds.

"first one that can't finish their drink within a five minute time limit..loses!" Since the barkeep is prepared, he already has a timer that he sets on the bar and agrees to reset after every drink.

"The stronger, the better," he adds; it all seems straightforward enough, not that he thinks the rules are for anyone's benefit but the barkeep. Any other day, having a drinking contest with himself was the stuff of fever dreams or fantasies riled up once he was already thoroughly inebriated. Might as well make the most of it.

"Ready?"

He picks up the cup closest to him and raises it in a mock toast before knocking it back. The other him is right though, everything about it is different. Instead of the clear simple rice wine, this one takes on a brownish, amber hue. The scent is strong and dark, and he doesn't quite drain his cup before setting it down, unaccustomed to the way it burns his throat.

"It's... different," he says, when he trusts his voice not to come out raspy or coughing. He looks at what remains before finishing it, taking a moment longer to taste it this time.

Wei Wuxian has seen this one before. It is on his list of already tried and he knows how much it burns going down. Which means his first sip is going to be a little more tentative then that of his counterpart. He drinks about half of it before giving it time to burn its way down.

How anyone could drink very much of that.."I warned you." But after this anything might be easier to swallow so it is a good warm up to what might follow. He takes two more smaller swigs of the glass before setting it down empty a few seconds after the other man.

"Round one is complete." He clears his throat and pushes the glass to the barkeep. The next drinks have already been set on the counter before the first ones were completely gone.

"On to round two!"

Certainly off to a powerful start, he can't help but think, as he reaches for the next cup. This one is clear, much like rice wine, but the scent of alcohol is much stronger, but there's something else, fruity? Citrus?

He decides to take his time with this one, drinking about as much as he'd expect in a normal cup for drinking rather than these large ones. It goes down a lot smoother than the first, but he has to wonder if that's only in comparison. Still, the aftertaste on this one has that same fruitiness as the scent, which is much more pleasant than the rough burn of the last one.

"Oh, I don't mind this one though," he swirls the glass before taking another drink.

"The ones that are easiest to drink are sometimes the most dangerous." A thing he has learned since being in this place. He used to trust the clear liquids that the barkeep gave him but now he knows better. He does the same tactic as the last drink, taking half of it and testing the taste and definitely enjoying this one better.

"Maybe we should be writing down the names of these so we can remember which ones we like." His memory is not the best on a good day and after a dozen of these drinks they are all likely going to start tasting the same. But still, having a reminder for the future would be nice. He points at the barkeep who seems to understand and will keep a list.

"See..some staffers in this place aren't bad." He grins and downs another good mouthful. The staffers in the lobby are far harder to negotiate with then the ones in the shop area.

It was fair enough advice, and could easily be true of some sweeter wines. They tempted the tongue all while slowly sinking your other senses. He glanced over at the written names, seeing the first was something called whiskey, and the one he was currently enjoying was something called buddha's hand citron vodka, which narrowed down the fruit, but vodka was completely foreign to him.

"Such strange names," he rubbed his nose and took his time on the vodka, savoring the taste before knocking the rest back. He'd be feeling it soon, no doubt, if the telltale heat beneath his skin and the tingle around his lips was any indication.

"Wouldn't mind more of this, maybe flavored with loquats, or sweet lotus seeds?" he twirled the empty glass between his fingers before setting it down. They both knew well how to make good use of the locals for information. It was usually so much faster than just aimlessly looking for trouble.

"Yeah..pretty sure people would call the names of the wines back home strange as well." When he even tried to explain Emperor's Smile to the bartender he had gotten the most crazy look.

He finished his own drink and slid the glass ahead with the other empties. He had been applying all those charms he had to the staff here to gather information but they are the most closed lips humans he has ever encountered.

"I'm sure he could come up with something fruity, but we might have trouble convincing him to find something with lotus seeds." It's a shame really...this world doesn't have any of the best things. It does have a lot of good stuff, but he would love a taste of home once in awhile.

He hasn't been here long enough to come to that particular conclusion on his own, but it makes sense. Everything he's thought of as completely normal is out of the ordinary here. Wei Wuxian is content enough for a hint of the familiar though, even if they don't have lotus or persimmons or any of the old tastes from home.

"Seems hard to find much that's like back home here," he comments off-handedly as the barkeep returns with something new.

"Amaretto sour," the barkeep says and sets out two more glasses. The color is gold, topped in frothy white foam, finished with a cherry and a wedge of fresh orange.

By now he's learned not to down the glass all at once, so he takes a moderately sized swallow, wincing as the sour taste hits his mouth. It's hard to describe at all, but he forces it down, lips puckering slightly at the flavor. Sour was putting it mildly!

"The pool..it's about as close to the outdoors as you can get. Besides that..our own hotel rooms. At least those are supposed to be catered to us so they are an actual replica of something back home."

Wei Wuxian takes a larger sip of this one. Feeling rather confident after that first drink. This one is rough on the pallet but he doesn't mind it. Maybe his senses are already started to dull after just the first two drinks..

"Mm..these are getting easier." They aren't, but anything to try to make his other self think he isn't feel the effects.

He groaned a bit at that, pulling a face. It was hard enough to think they were being cooped up by this place, but not even able to get outdoors? For someone who loved the wide expanses and freedom of the world, it felt stifling.

"I haven't looked at mine yet," he shrugs, but anything that's familiar will be welcome, he thinks, staring down at the glass in front of him. He knocks back a bit more and while he's definitely starting to feel them, the other Wei Wuxian is having a fine time of things! Or at least he's saying as much. He'd considered the same tactic, so he can hardly trust himself to be honest. No, it's got to just come down to who can stay in the longest!

"The flavors are definitely... unique," is all he says in response before finishing the glass and picking at the leftover fruit.

"Mine looks like the room at Lotus Pier used to..." Even the carvings on the bed. He thought it was a little odd but it also felt..nice. If he can't return to that back on his world, at least he can enjoy that little bit of familiarity here. He figures there wasn't much left of the room after the Wen clan took over..

"He hasn't even pulled out the really crazy stuff yet. Like one that burns like cinnamon and some..honestly I don't know how anyone drinks some of the ones behind that bar." He points his finger at the barkeep telling him to not even dare to try and pull some of the more nasty flavored things out on them.

"I don't know why anyone would want to drink something that just tastes like..poison." They are all poisons in a way but at least some of them you can't tell are killing your liver.

That was a pleasant thought, at least. Something like home. He'd have to check later and see what his looked like. If one Wei Wuxian got to enjoy Lotus Pier, surely they both would. It was something to look forward to, at least.

"Cinnamon?" the thought of a drink that burned with spice was interesting, for sure. He was so used to the mild sweetness of rice wines, or the sometimes fruity bitter tang of homemade brews, but he didn't mind the idea of trying out new flavors. Though... maybe not the poison ones.

"I know there's more to drinking than the taste, but it adds to the experience! Who would want to drink something that tastes like poison?"

The barkeep seems unbothered by the comment, and fills the next glasses with a mostly-clear liquid, offering up the meager advice to "take their time," with this one.

"Tequila?" he reads.

Wei Wuxian takes the glass and looks at it skeptically. If the bartender is telling them to take their time then he might have just slipped them one of the more dangerous ones. That doesn't bode well for him.

It's either going to be very strong or taste very strange. He's not sure which one would be preferred at this point. "People should definitely enjoy drinking. But maybe for some its the effect more then the taste and that is why I see people taking their drinks all in one shot. They don't want to deal with the taste at all." Which give some of the drinks..he can't blame them. But why bother trying those at all in that case?

He slowly lifts the glass to his lips and takes a smaller sip then the last drinks. No matter what the reason for the warning, he is determined to suffer through it. He tries to hide his expression with the glass as he waits for the other version to try it. Finishing this one might be tough but he has determination if nothing else.

He too is wary about the new drink, but after a few sips finds it surprisingly mild. Something like agave lingers on his tongue, but it isn't any more sweet or bitter than the rest. He is definitely starting to feel the other drinks more heavily though, having downed three now in less than a quarter of an hour.

"Take our time... this is nothing," he sniffs, finishing the glass just to make a point of it before pointing at his soul-twin.

"Hey, hey, it's boring just going back and forth. My memory might not be great, but you promised me a story best told after a few drinks!"

He has a feeling the mildness of this one means the warning is for the hidden danger of how deceptively strong it is. He takes another drink but he's going to make this one last a little longer, especially since his other already took all of it.

He actually hoped the other had forgotten about that promise and he sighs. "Okay okay..So our lives have been a little different from what I can tell. I have heard about some of the differences, but apparently most of them happen after we come back."

He doesn't even know where to start..maybe he will drink this one faster. He takes another sip of it.

"Anything specific you want to ask about?" Considering he did give a couple big hints back at the pool as to how different their lives may be..

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

II. MAKING WAVES

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

IV. WELCOME HOME

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