funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 003

TEST DRIVE MEME 003

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

Those of you hoping to make use of The Pool of Tears today are in for a disappointment — it appears to have been shut down for the day to make room for a special event! Dozens of small vehicles that resemble pink flamingos are parked along the grounds by the pool, and others are being flown above it with varying levels of skill.

People wearing name tags identifying them as guest instructors mingle around the parked vehicles to offer lessons on how to fly the flamingos. They'll also allow the flamingos to be checked out to be used for recreation, regardless of whether the person checking them out has had flying lessons or not.

Why is this taking place in the pool area and not outdoors, you may ask? Why, because a crash landing in water is so much softer on the bones than on solid land, of course.

Or perhaps you were hoping to spend some time at the Caucus-Race, making use of the hotel's private gym. It seems that, too, had been taken over for an event — dance lessons! There are more guest instructors there to lead dances of all kinds, from groups to couples to private instruction. Even if you didn't intend to partake of them when you came here, you may find yourself bustled away and facing your partner for the lesson before you know it.

Still another handful of guest instructors have set up in the Mad Tea-Party, offering a variety of art lessons — from paintings to drawing to pottery to glassblowing! Have a glass of wine, or something stronger, and try your hand at one! Anyone who chooses to do so will get to keep whatever masterpiece they produce.

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

The guest instructors aren't the only ones visiting the hotel today. It seems some traveling merchants have come to pitch their wares, and they've set up shop in the hotel lobby. There's display cases of delicately crafted jewelry, all manner of glassware, bolts of fabric, boxes of precious stones and crystal.

Why come to them when you can get what you need for free from the hotel's boutique? There's just no comparison when it comes to exquisite craftsmanship, of course, or the quality of their raw materials. But should you need a reason beyond that — there's something a little magical about their wares. This necklace is spelled to ward off evil, that circuit will grant clear thought, anything made from this bolt of cloth will always keep the wearer perfectly warm or cool, carrying that crystal will give a boost of healing or luck.

They deal only in trade. Teas, if you have them, will fetch the highest price and get you the most unique items. If you don't happen to have a tea, you're not out of luck — they will also accept favors. Perhaps they will ask you to convince someone else to make a purchase as well, perhaps they will send you on a hunt for a specific item. Perhaps they will ask you for something more intangible, like the shape of a smile or the salt of tears. Not your own, of course, you must inspire them in someone else. Hopefully there's someone nearby who can help you with that.

III. SECRET MESSAGES

By your second or third pass around the hotel, after all the visitors have left, you may notice something that looks a little out of place. A loose rock in the otherwise solid structures of the pool area, a shimmer of green tucked in among all the white abstract sculptures in a hallway, an odd knot in the wood of a bench or chair somewhere in the hotel.

No members of the staff seem to have noticed it so far, but for that to remain the case you'll have to work quickly — and work together. Maybe the rock is up too high for one person to reach, maybe the sculptures are too heavy for one person to move, maybe someone needs to stand guard or distract the hotel staff while the other pries out the wood knot.

All those who succeed in retrieving the piece of heavy green paper hidden away will find the same message: a drawing of a caterpillar, accompanied by a series of numbers and the words call a friend.

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Anyone who participates in the second prompt will receive an item with a minor enchantment of their choosing! For players apping in this round, you can include it in your list of items. Current players can reply to the second comment on this page to receive approval of their enchanted item. Please direct any questions to the first comment on this page, and happy playing, Oysters!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's a heavy question, one that leaves his stomach cold and churning, like a sudden punch he hadn't been expecting. In his mind, it'd never been a matter of not loving Lan Zhan enough, it was about how they'd face this together, how they'd use their strengths in tandem, like they once had.

If Lan Zhan asked it of him, if that was what he really did want, he would listen. He would feel like a bird in a cage, to hold himself back, and would Lan Zhan be happy like that? Could Wei Wuxian live with himself, knowing he'd led Lan Wangji into harm's way?

"Ah... that's... mm, I see."

He fidgets with his napkin, twisting it in his hands, thoughts clashing. It felt uncomfortably like eavesdropping on his soul-twin's life, and in his own Lan Zhan's inner thoughts.

"Lan Zhan?" his voice lacks much of its earlier vigor, "March said... he and I are a lot alike. Do you think that's true?"

"That's what he said to me." He empatheically emphasized. "There's nothing I could do for you other than acting on my heart's volition."

At that, Lan Zhan felt uncomfortable. The conversation with the Mad March question his own powerlessness. He never wanted to control Wei Ying. Knowing him from the years, Wei Ying is wild and unrestrained, a rebellious spirit. He never wanted to manipulate how he should feel basing on the Queen's games for power and control, and unwittingly he becomes a pawn.

Lan Zhan's tries to find his own strength and conviction. Very firmly, "No. The two of you are not alike. For one thing, I..." His voice trails off, trying to find the words. His heart skipped a beat as he has stopped himself in time and he is this near to confessing he has feelings for him too.

"You have a heart, Wei Ying. You know what's right and wrong in your heart. You walked the Dark path and regreted it. You never wanted to hurt people and last at all, hurt me. What Mad March said is a warning to hurt you and me." He stressed, his voice strain as if it's breaking glass.

Firmly with conviction, "You're not like him, Wei Ying."

He feels a measure of relief, knowing that it was March who had posed the question, and not a worry Lan Zhan carried. The way March had spoken to him, it was completely different, no warnings, nothing but lighthearted banter and talk of mischief.

It's kind of Lan Zhan to say, and Wei Wuxian has certainly always been the sort to follow his own moral compass, even if it went against the grain, even if it made him a target.

"It's just strange," he lets out a slow breath, "everyone I've talked to argued, or was threatened by him. But when he talked to me, he was... friendly? He answered my questions, and gave advice, but he also seemed like... I don't know... like he's a prisoner of this place too?"

It's been weighing heavily on him since.

"..." Lan Zhan just sits there, not sure what advice he could give. "Maybe he has an agenda for you. I don't think the people here are friendly and welcoming as they seem."

Maybe it's his paranoia talking, but his intuition is on edge. Back home in his homeworld, he is not like this. Maybe it's based on the information the spirits have given.

"Otherwise, I don't know Wei Ying. But there are very few people I trust." And that goes saying something.

He wouldn't go so far as to say he trusts March. But the man has given him enough reasons to speculate. An agenda for him, though? It was possible. He'd known an awful lot about Wei Wuxian's abilities, and even greeted him as Yiling Laozu.

"I saw him again. Here," he seems a bit more hesitant to admit that, given how upset this Lan Zhan's soul-twin had been about it. Still, it seemed important for them to know, and their failure to share information had been exactly what March had exploited in the first place.

"I followed Zewu Jun, when they took him to help fix his arm," he explained, "using one of my papermen. They were working on March too. Not any injuries, it seemed like they were messing with his head."

He'd leave out the part, where he'd nearly been caught, and needlessly risked himself. No reason to upset both Lan Zhan. He'd learned his lesson.

Even if Wei Ying omitted it, he already knew how dangerous the paperman technique can be, as there's a risk of insanity. Such as the demonic cultivation path that Wei Ying practice.

"Wei Ying, that was dangerous. And it doesn't take much for me to figured he's already messed up in the head."

Afterward, he fell quiet. Either way, cake done, plate taken away, and normal milk tea is brought and served for both, so it can be a complement for the cake.

"I wasn't seeking him out," he pouts, lower lip jutting for a moment before he picks up his milk tea, "I went to watch over Zewu Jun. He just. Happened to be there."

As for the danger, "I was careful! Lan Zhan was watching over my body, nothing happened!"

Well, maybe he hadn't disclosed just how dangerous the technique was to use when he'd offered to come along with Lan Xichen, but it was already over and done with, and everything had turned out fine!

He sighs, flooded with relief. "That's good of him that he did." Of course, everything turned out fine.

Just when the hotel couldn't make it all the more stressful. He rubs at his face and then takes his tea for a slow sip. "My brother...what happened to him?"

Ah, he hopes he hasn't stepped on a potential landmine. Did this Lan Zhan and Zewu Jun not talk often? He supposed he wasn't sure how much the Lan Zhan from his world talked to his brother either.

"Oh... he was injured, when we were out in the woods," he leaves the details vague, since it doesn't seem his place to say, "he's fine now, but ah... they had to do some work on his arm, to make sure it was healed properly. We found out when they planned to take him to have it fixed, and I snuck along."

He keeps his voice pitched low, leaning in as he sips at his milk tea, held carefully in both hands.

"Those teas they make, not just the ones with our abilities, but the ones that make us feel strong emotions? They're taken from us too. I saw the room where they keep them, it was the same place they took your brother. I don't know how they harvest them, but..." he trails off with a faint shrug.

The landmines has longed been set-off and stepped on. It's unavoidable. Most of the time, the brother figured out what's on Lan Zhan's mind when he speaks barely three words at minimum.

"Injured. Harvest tea." That's three words, for example. There's a slight tremor as he lowers his cup down. The expression on his face becomes stoic. But he believes him. "As long he is all right." He said distantly.

"Do you see anything else...?"

He likes to think he's gotten better at reading Lan Wangji, though his brother has a great deal more experience at it. Even so, it's not hard to tell the news is a shock to him, and Wei Wuxian rest a hand lightly on his bicep, offering a small measure of comfort.

"Mm, he's fine," he says again, as if repetition might make the news easier to hear, "that's why I wanted to go with him, so we could be sure nothing more would happen."

He could only imagine if they'd tried to use those same wires they'd stuffed into March's head on Lan Xichen. Even if his paper form wouldn't have been able to do much, at least they would know what happened.

"I saw a few things, yeah. Not a lot I could make sense of. There were two people working, they called each-other Walrus and Carpenter. Do those names mean anything to you?"

Upon Wei Ying's touch, Lan Wangji managed to relax somewhat, but he hates being powerless and useless. All of his powers were taken away, and disturbed as teas as if his education and spiritual powers that he had trained for a lifetime to it's peak, basing on the teachings that dated back to many generations, back to the first Lan ancestor becomes passed and tossed around so cheaply, even if it benefit others.

Lan Wangji stiffed. More names, foreign and ridiculous to him. Coldly, "No." And he wasn't sure if he cared to, even if theoretically saved his brother's life. "I am not familiar with them."

Wei Wuxian gives him a brief description of who they are, leaving out the incriminating bits about Lan Xichen's emotions, how he'd stayed behind to watch them work on March, and also that he had probably been spotted by the Order.

"That's all I was able to find out, but... I hope it's somewhat helpful, anyway," he shrugs, going back to his milk tea and taking a long sip.

Lan Wangji listened, and while he is still seemingly stoic, he slightly frowns when Wei Ying finished his report.

"It's helpful, but if you get caught, you nearly got yourself killed." Then what will both Lan Zhan's do? "Well, nevermind. That's good to know."

Meanwhile, he stare at his cup and find it empty. The tea is long-gone and then stare back at Wei Ying, almost in a stoic, hopeless manner, then he sighs.

"I'm happy you're back."

What's done is done, Wei Wuxian figures. Maybe he hadn't made the best decisions when forced to make them in a pinch, but he didn't regret them. And no hard had come of it, as of yet. If they'd a bone to pick with him over his trespasses, they weren't in a hurry to get to it. Besides, it was the first time he'd seen the staff here looking at all surprised or unprepared. They hadn't expected their prisoners to make it that far, and even that was enough vindication, in his book.

"Then I won't get caught," he says, self-assuredly, fingers drumming lightly on his empty glass.

"Oh, yeah, I guess it's the first time in a while one of us hasn't been drunk when we've met up, huh," he laughs, "I'm glad to see you in better spirits."

It's that cocky, but courageous confidence which is why Lan Zhan admire him so. Yet, being his friend and confidante is all he could ever hope for. "Use your experience and what you learn as a strategy."

At that remark, he is somber. "Mn." He simply nodded in agreement. As for his spirits, it's...functional and trying to say the least.

"Mm, this doesn't seem like the sort of place I can use the same trick more than once," he concedes. Especially since he was spotted last time. If he hadn't managed to slip away, what would they have done?

He shoulders Lan Zhan with a light bump, since they're sitting side-by-side. He's getting that look, the one that's far too serious.

"It was fun! I haven't played kids games like that in ages."

What would they have done indeed? "Mn." Lan Wangji is going to be stubborn and keep up his stoic, stern front despite the playful light bump. Still serious.

"Paper Metamorphosis is not a game, Wei Wuxian. Don't fool around with it. Use it wisely." For espionage and other missions, he meant.

"It can absolutely be a game," he huffs, half-tempted to lay one down on the table and have it start pestering Lan Wangji just to prove his point. He's not exactly sure how many staff members are on the lookout for little golden men made of paper though, so he refrains, and just pouts instead.

"What do you think I was using them for in the first place? Always pestering Lan Zhan."

Lan Zhan remains seated, stoic as ever. His light-colored eyes darken with seriousness.

"Cultivation is not a game, Wei Ying, and should not be used to pester for the likes of me. You should use it wisely as you did for my brother."

However, he relented. "However, if you wish to practice and spar, I'm not sure how helpful I can be. I have none of my powers back other than someone's ability to sing."

Wei Wuxian takes it with about as much seriousness as he does anything else. Which is precious little. Just because he should use his talisman a certain way, doesn't mean he will. Just because others think he should do anything, doesn't mean he will. He doesn't argue, but gives an irritated little click of his tongue as he sets his glass down.

"Ah?" he makes a sour face, remembering the abandoned match, "now you want to spar, hm?"

Want is a strange word, because what he wants and yearns for is anything other than the pleasure of being his company, which he suppressed it for years.

Calmly, "No. I never wanted to fight or spar, but if I must spar, it's because Wei Ying wishes me to. Then I will yield."

It's more or less the same answer as before. And while it doesn't sting his pride like the way it had in front of an audience, he still isn't sure he likes it.

"We used to fight or spar all the time," he frowns, not wanting to admit his weakness, even if it were true, "and yeah, maybe you did outpace me after a while..."

He still felt like he'd kept up in other ways, without his core. Just. None of the ways Lan Zhan had much respect for. But if it was that, or become totally useless, he'd at least take the route had that let him do something.

"...but I'm not made of glass. I know how to take a hit. Besides, they can even heal you up right away at the spa now!"

And it shall be the same answer today, tomorrow, next week...

With an insufferable groan, he finally yields to his demands, surrending. Because Lan Zhan's pride is insufferably stubborn but he's tempted to spoil his curiousity.

"If you wish to spar, then let's go to the gym now."

Okay, maybe he pushed too hard, but he's not about to back down now. Not when Lan Wangji has finally conceded. Well. Sort of conceded. And with both of them unable to use their core, it should be pretty equal footing, he tries to convince himself. Just because he's out of practice, doesn't mean he can't keep up.

"Right now? Fine by me," he pushes himself up from his chair with a sniff.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. SHALL WE DANCE, SHALL WE FLY

II. WE TRADE IN FAVORS

III. SECRET MESSAGES

IV. WELCOME HOME

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