funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

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TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us for our grand opening gala. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

As you pass through the entrance to the casino floor, an attendant passes you a small bag of chips. The casino is loud and bright and filled with games of every kind — you want to play poker? They've got a table for that. Sabacc? There's a table for that, too. Slots, pachinko, and bingo are just a few of the other games on offer. The attendant in the lobby wasn't lying, either — everyone who plays wins. Everyone, every time.

Servers wander the floor with trays of shotglasses full of multi-coloured liquids, offering them to every Oyster "Compliments of Her Royal Highness." If you're expecting alcohol, though, you'll be surprised — these drinks are teas made of the distilled emotions of every Oyster in the hotel. Each colour of tea corresponds to a different emotion, and as soon as you take a sip, you feel overcome with that emotion.

JOY — the distilled essence of happiness, this tea makes even the most rough and tumble of Oysters giddy with happiness — for a moment. The effect fades into a general sense of contentment and affability after a few seconds, and that itself fades away slowly over the course of twenty minutes.

ANGER — this tea, anger in liquid form, can make the most even-tempered of Oysters ready to absolutely blow a gasket. For twenty minutes, anyone who drinks this tea will find themselves much more easily annoyed, frustrated, and all around irritable and snappy.

SADNESS — distilled sadness is a potent tea, capable of turning a stoic, stalwart Oyster into a blubbering mess in moments. Events that may have previously only been a minor disappointment become the end of the world, every repressed unhappiness comes to the fore, and for twenty minutes, any Oyster who drinks a sadness tea can hardly keep themselves together.

II. MAKING WAVES

If gambling isn't to your interest, there are many other areas of the hotel to explore! For the moment, only The Pool Of Tears and the Pig & Pepper Buffet are available for Oysters to peruse, but the staff assure anyone who asks that the other facilities will be open by the next day. Unfortunately, that means no one can buy any swimsuits from This Elegant Thimble, but the staff aren't going to kick anyone out of the pool for jumping in in their clothes!

There are four main attractions to The Pool of Tears: the pool, the jacuzzi, the wave pool, and the lazy river. The water is always just the right temperature, clean and clear and refreshing. It feels as if the sun shines down from above you, warm and comforting. Scattered through the pool area are clusters of modern lounge chairs, just waiting for someone to come relax in them. The Pool is, in a word, serene.

But not for long. The waves generated by the wave pool begin to get choppier, and larger, until it becomes clear that the generator itself is malfunctioning — too late, however, to avoid the tsunami that crashes through the whole Pool and leaves it flooded. Thankfully, no water escapes into the rest of the hotel, and the hotel staff work quickly to rescue those trapped in the Pool and drain the flooding — but you better hope you can tread water until they get to you!

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

The Pig & Pepper buffet serves lunch foods from across all different cultures, offering something for everyone, and some things you've never even heard of.

On offer with these lunchtime dishes are cookies and biscuits and scones of all kinds, held on tiered trays with signs that proclaim Eat Me! in delightfully whimsical calligraphy. Nearby, hotel staff man a small booth for doling out cups of fruit waters from large pitchers, which have Drink Me! painted playfully on their sides.

It takes a while to feel the effects — perhaps you've even left the Pig & Pepper by the time it happens — but those who eat the cookies and scones inevitably end up growing in size, whether a few inches or feet, and those who drank the fruity water similarly shrink. Eat enough and you might strain the ceiling; drink enough and you'll be the size of a thimble! It's not permanent — if no one else can help you figure out how to get back to normal, the staff certainly will — but it's definitely inconvenient!

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Welcome to the (second!) first TDM of Happy Hearts, a new panfandom roleplaying game here on DW! If you have any questions, please direct them to the first comment on this page. Happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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[ He crosses his arms over his chest because that already happened. He wasn't that small, but he was pretty small.

Though he looks over to the measurement Wei Ying demonstrates and--

--Oh my god, he was as small as a rabbit.

That's actually kind of adorable but Lan Zhan is just too angry at the situation right now to stop and think about that. ]

You haven't starved for three weeks.

Have you?

[He laughs brightly at the question.]

I was pretty worried about eating any other food..but not everything is unsafe. They do actually want us to live. There is a restaurant and a bar here and so far..no other issues with it. I can show it to you if you are hungry.

I am not.

[ He was merely worried. Can't have Wei Ying trying to subsist on radishes he grows himself again. ]

What have you learned in three weekss?

Catch me up.

Hmm..let's see..

[He's learned a lot but not really a lot at the same time.]

The hotel likes games that mess with your emotions. Apparently it likes to feed off of them or something. It's not necessarily mean spirited but it's like it wants to learn what people will do in certain situations.

Not long ago for instance, the hotel took my sight. I was blind for a few days but the hotel kept moving around so I couldn't see and I had no way of knowing where I was going. It was putting our emotions through a test.

What is its purpose?

[ Feeding off of emotions? To what end?

Seems kind of dangerous to just go along with it. Good thing Lan Wangji is so unflappable. He does not want to be party to this. ]

No one seems to know and the staff are the least helpful people on the planet.

[He reaches out and puts his hand on the other man's arm.]

Mostly we don't think this place wants to hurt us. As odd as that may seem given what it keeps doing. It's like a game or a puzzle that just needs to be solved.

[He smiles, clearly not bothered at all by what the world has done so far. he actually finds the stuff a little amusing and fun.]

You don't have to worry about it so much, Lan Zhan. And the best part? I can be your guide and help you through it. You don't have to deal with it alone.

[ It's just like Wei Ying to have a positive attitude about being kidnapped into an unfamiliar world, and then offer to guide Lan Wangji through it.

This may not be the Wei Ying he knows, but if he's anything like the Wei Ying he does know, then they should both realize that Lan Wangji would, in actuality, follow him to the ends of the Earth.

But what he says is: ]

Understood.

Is there a library?

[And not for the first time he realizes just how much Lan Wangji is going to dislike this place.]

A-ah..it's not really the kind of place that has a library.

[He needs to try and think about what the man might enjoy..]

There are places to eat, a kind of indoor lake, the bar...there aren't a lot of places to go but recently there seem to be a lot more! Ever since the hotel shifted around, more rooms have been discovered.

[A library not one of them..]

[ This seems like a great place to be extremely lazy and forget one's worries and be completely complacent to all the terrible things happening. ]

Then where do we train?

[ He must keep his mind and body sharp for the inevitability of others falling into the trappings of comfort. Not Wei Ying. Normal people. He assumes there are normal people here, the kind that gossip very loudly in stores for some reason and always seem to want to gang up on Wei Ying. ]

Oh! I discovered a kind of training room! I haven't really seen what it looks like since I was blind at the time. But River says it's a place that people go to exercise since we can't go outside. It has lots of equipment and things and space to work out.

[He seems rather pleased with himself that he was able to make a discovery even in this place.]

But you should try to look at this like a vacation, Lan Zhan! There is nothing to fight here, no one trying to kill us. You can actually relax a little.

[That might be asking a bit much but Wei Wuxian can at least try..]

[ Disregard what he just thought, Wei Ying is definitely already falling into this trap.

It's okay. Lan Wangji will remain vigilant. ]

Show me the training room.

[ Is this relaxed? No. This is not relaxed. ]

[He slumps forward in defeat. At least he gave it a valiant try. There is still time to figure out just what it will take to make Lan Wangji less stiff.]

It's not far from here! It will be my first time actually seeing it too.

[Well at least he kind of knows where that is since things were a little screwed up the last time he was there. But he has a general idea and it at least shows up on maps now. Even if Lan Wangji won't relax, Wei Wuxian can become his tour guide.]

Let's head this way and I can point out the different places as we pass them.

[ That sounds like an excellent idea and also very efficient, so naturally Lan Wangji is a fan.

He follows along, quietly, taking note of all the things that Wei Ying chooses to tell him. Of course even here he's a silent, graceful shadow. Looks like that lightfootedness wasn't a special ability.

But he does have another question, suddenly: ]

Do the women not wear pants underneath their skirts?

Should we walk around in our undergarments? You are not.

[ Someone has yet to inform him that they've invented undergarments that don't resemble long pajama sets, and that it's the norm to wear them and not like 4 layers of thin silk. ]

[Wei Wuxian stumbles a little when he hears these questions. Of course they are normal questions to ask but they are still surprising. Perhaps because he has gotten so used to seeing strange clothing since being here that he just never thought to question it.]

They aren't in their undergarments Lan Zhan..different worlds, different years..everyone has different fashion. Apparently as time goes on, people wear less layers.

[Honestly it wouldn't be terrible to get rid of a few layers but it's just not something he has gotten used to the idea of yet. Perhaps he will do a little shopping at some point since there is now a store.]

I think you can wear anything you want now. [He points to a little clothing boutique as they pass by.]

All the stuff in there is the modern clothes that people wear now. You can pick out anything you want to wear.

[ Lan Wangji stops to look at the mannequins in the store, which indeed, are of very fine make. So shiny... what a white stone! He looks at the clothing being modeled and he's not really impressed. ]

Have you been inside?

[ I guess the alternative is that Wei Ying wears the same clothes for three weeks. Which isn't unheard of while out of town, but not really the greatest idea. Lan Wangji is hoping they have white robes. What else? Because he can't really imagine wearing anything else. ]

I haven’t yet. It’s still pretty new.

[do not question that he has worn the same outfit for weeks]

Let’s check it out! [he grabs the mans hand and pulls him inside the store. Can’t hurt to see what the place has and he is not afraid to experiment. He might be vaguely curious to see Lan Wangji in some of these new clothes]

[ Hah-- Okay well, if he wasn't already convinced that Wei Ying is who he says he is... Lan Wangji lets himself get dragged into the store and he can immediately tell that this is going to be a bad time. First of all, he doesn't even know what polyester is but he already looks disdainfully at the polyester.

He reaches out to feel a print of a shirt and not only is it the oddest feeling fabric he has ever touched, but it also has an ugly print on it. How did they even do that without embroidery? And what on earth is this lazy pattern and this stitching... It's like they didn't even try to make clothes that were presentable. Like a child's first attempt. ]

Unfortunate.

[Wei Wuxian hears the comment and laughs softly. He's not wrong as Wei Wuxian looks at the things in the shop. It's definitely not like what they are used to but apparently as the years go by, the need to use the finest silks is no longer important.]

Time to open your mind to new experiences, Lan Zhan. [He can barely contain his amusement as he picks up a white button up collared shirt covered in bunnies.]

This is the shirt for you! [He holds it up proudly.]

[ He gives Wei Ying a look that probably only Jiang Cheng ever gives him. It's so exasperated. ]

Who is this meant for?

[ Why are there so many rabbits? What a gaudy design.

He tugs on a black shirt for Wei Ying only to find that the entire front part and half of the back is just a very sheer mesh, and only the sleeves are opaque. He has never looked so confused at a garment of clothing. ]

[He laughs again and puts it back. The clothes in this place are terribly questionable. He walks over and takes the shirt in Lan Wangji's hands.]

I'm going to try it on! [He's not afraid of the terrible clothes and maybe if he does he can convince Lan Wangji to try something on.]

I expect you to find something by the time I come back out.

Wei Ying, there's barely a shirt.

[ His whole chest will be visible! His scar will be visible!

Lan Wangji panics and grabs the nearest shirt to also hand to Wei Ying, which happens to be a band tee, except he has no idea what a band tee is, so it really just looks like a piece of cloth with missing sleeves and the worst print of all time. ]

You worry too much, Lan Zhan.

[This body doesn't have the scar of the brand anymore. Although Mo's body isn't completely free of typical scars it is far cleaner then Wei Wuxian's original one. He stares at the t-shirt he is given and shakes his head as he takes both to the fitting room.]

You better be looking for your own or else you're trying on the first time I can put my hand on!

[ That sends Lan Wangji into a panic to go through the store and find something suitable, even though he knows he could just disappoint Wei Ying and be done with this nonsense.

Somehow, he finds a white silk shirt with a beautiful pattern on it of light blue fish, almost as if painted on porcelain. He discovers a pair of white slacks, too tight for him, but better than nothing. And a pair of white canvas loafers. That should do. ]

[Wei Wuxian bounces back out in that barely a shirt with an amused expression on his face. He's wearing his typical black pants since he hadn't bothered to grab any others but the rest of his many layers are gone.]

It's definitely more airy then what I'm used to.

[That's an understatement. No more thick layers and leather. This shirt leaves little to the imagination. He strikes a pose.]

What do you think, Lan Zhan?

[ Lan Wangji doesn't even think he wants to look at this, but he steels himself and does, and good gods in heaven strike him down, please. ]

It would cause a scandal.

[ Not that Wei Ying has ever really cared about causing any sorts of scandals, but for this one, he would definitely be culpable. Anyway, that's really all he has to say about that as he looks away to give Wei Ying some decency. ]

Every article of clothing in this store appears to be missing some fabric.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

II. MAKING WAVES

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

IV. WELCOME HOME

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