funnyhearts | TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

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TEST DRIVE MEME 001 (#2)

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

You wake up in a padded box. It rocks, gently, as though suspended in mid-air. You begin to stir, confusion or distress pushing you to try to sit up — and then the air begins to smell sweet, and you fall back asleep.

You wake up in a padded box. For a moment, you are beatifically calm. You don't know how you got here, or why, but that isn't really all that important. You don't need to know where you are. You're just... here. And here is a wonderful place to be.

But there is a niggling suspicion growing in the back of your mind. A suspicion that here is not somewhere you wanted to be. That it is not where you're supposed to be. You remember... chasing a white rabbit (or was it a person)? A mirror? Bright light, and green ivy crawling over your skin... Before you can worry too much, the box jolts, and then settles, and after a long moment the walls fall from around you to reveal —

A hotel lobby?

"Welcome to the Happy Hearts Hotel and Casino," says an attendant behind a desk. "We're so pleased you could join us for our grand opening gala. We have your room keys and Empathies here, please make an orderly line and we'll hand them out once we've confirmed identities. After that, feel free to explore the hotel! We highly recommend starting with the casino. Everyone's a winner here in Happy Hearts!"

Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal. And hey — you could swear you had shoes before!

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

As you pass through the entrance to the casino floor, an attendant passes you a small bag of chips. The casino is loud and bright and filled with games of every kind — you want to play poker? They've got a table for that. Sabacc? There's a table for that, too. Slots, pachinko, and bingo are just a few of the other games on offer. The attendant in the lobby wasn't lying, either — everyone who plays wins. Everyone, every time.

Servers wander the floor with trays of shotglasses full of multi-coloured liquids, offering them to every Oyster "Compliments of Her Royal Highness." If you're expecting alcohol, though, you'll be surprised — these drinks are teas made of the distilled emotions of every Oyster in the hotel. Each colour of tea corresponds to a different emotion, and as soon as you take a sip, you feel overcome with that emotion.

JOY — the distilled essence of happiness, this tea makes even the most rough and tumble of Oysters giddy with happiness — for a moment. The effect fades into a general sense of contentment and affability after a few seconds, and that itself fades away slowly over the course of twenty minutes.

ANGER — this tea, anger in liquid form, can make the most even-tempered of Oysters ready to absolutely blow a gasket. For twenty minutes, anyone who drinks this tea will find themselves much more easily annoyed, frustrated, and all around irritable and snappy.

SADNESS — distilled sadness is a potent tea, capable of turning a stoic, stalwart Oyster into a blubbering mess in moments. Events that may have previously only been a minor disappointment become the end of the world, every repressed unhappiness comes to the fore, and for twenty minutes, any Oyster who drinks a sadness tea can hardly keep themselves together.

II. MAKING WAVES

If gambling isn't to your interest, there are many other areas of the hotel to explore! For the moment, only The Pool Of Tears and the Pig & Pepper Buffet are available for Oysters to peruse, but the staff assure anyone who asks that the other facilities will be open by the next day. Unfortunately, that means no one can buy any swimsuits from This Elegant Thimble, but the staff aren't going to kick anyone out of the pool for jumping in in their clothes!

There are four main attractions to The Pool of Tears: the pool, the jacuzzi, the wave pool, and the lazy river. The water is always just the right temperature, clean and clear and refreshing. It feels as if the sun shines down from above you, warm and comforting. Scattered through the pool area are clusters of modern lounge chairs, just waiting for someone to come relax in them. The Pool is, in a word, serene.

But not for long. The waves generated by the wave pool begin to get choppier, and larger, until it becomes clear that the generator itself is malfunctioning — too late, however, to avoid the tsunami that crashes through the whole Pool and leaves it flooded. Thankfully, no water escapes into the rest of the hotel, and the hotel staff work quickly to rescue those trapped in the Pool and drain the flooding — but you better hope you can tread water until they get to you!

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

The Pig & Pepper buffet serves lunch foods from across all different cultures, offering something for everyone, and some things you've never even heard of.

On offer with these lunchtime dishes are cookies and biscuits and scones of all kinds, held on tiered trays with signs that proclaim Eat Me! in delightfully whimsical calligraphy. Nearby, hotel staff man a small booth for doling out cups of fruit waters from large pitchers, which have Drink Me! painted playfully on their sides.

It takes a while to feel the effects — perhaps you've even left the Pig & Pepper by the time it happens — but those who eat the cookies and scones inevitably end up growing in size, whether a few inches or feet, and those who drank the fruity water similarly shrink. Eat enough and you might strain the ceiling; drink enough and you'll be the size of a thimble! It's not permanent — if no one else can help you figure out how to get back to normal, the staff certainly will — but it's definitely inconvenient!

IV. WELCOME HOME

Maybe you just want to be alone — well, that's what you have your room key for! Oysters room on the second and third floors of the hotel, one to a room. You were assured your room would be exactly what you'd always wished for — and for some, that's right! It's exactly as you would have decorated it yourself. But for others, their rooms are totally wrong. A grizzled cowboy can't have a pink room! Hotel staff are firm, though: every room is exactly as its owner wants it to be. Search your feelings, Oyster. You know it to be true.

On each bed are the Oysters' personal effects, minus weapons, as well as a towel folded in the shape of a heart, and a single foil-wrapped chocolate. If eaten, the chocolate is delicious, and incites a feeling of tender warmth in Oysters — not lust, but a desire for closeness. Why spend time in your room, when you could go find a new friend in the casino?

Welcome to the (second!) first TDM of Happy Hearts, a new panfandom roleplaying game here on DW! If you have any questions, please direct them to the first comment on this page. Happy playing, Oysters!

PREMISE RULES FAQ TAKEN RESERVES APPLICATION MOD CONTACT HIATUS & DROPS WORLD INFO NPCS CALENDAR AC REWARDS

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"They stole your headband too? What a careless disciple you must be if you let that out of your sight. And yet somehow you still managed to find a similar style of clothing in this place?" He pokes at the pile of black fabric.

"But then that also brings us to your behavior. Lan disciples are disciplined and your shouting at me would be breaking a couple rules." He starts to circle around him in the water. There is something oddly enjoyable about watching himself become unraveled.

And now to really put the nail in potentially his own coffin, making sure he stays a good lunging distance away as he moves. He knows his own body well enough to know just how far away he needs to be to making attacking into a couple moves. Just enough moves for him to be able to make an escape if necessary.

"As for Lan Zhan..he has a comforting scent of sandalwood..probably because of all the wood at Cloud Recesses. He likes to hold the person he is sleeping with against his chest. He has a very strong grip so even if you want to get away..it's very difficult. He doesn't like to be touched overall but if you get him drunk, he becomes slightly more amicable about it." If his own body doesn't kill him..Lan Wangji might.

The more he spoke, the more maddening it felt! Worst of all, at least the bits about the Lan sect were actually true, which gave him doubts about the rest as well! It's all he can manage not to dunk the smaller man immediately. If he'd even a single talisman at his disposal, he'd make him regret every word!

So what if he was right?! To lose face in front of this unbearable man...

"Ah, I see, I see, and what, have you memorized all 3,000 or so of their rules as well?" in that regard, he could have him beat. Not intentionally, of course, but he was bound to remember them after writing out so many copies!

"I'll have you know that-"

He has to break off mid-sentence as Mo Xuanyu starts listing off even more things he has absolutely no right to know!

"O-of course he smells of sandalwood, everyone knows that it's type of incense he burns, and-" he blustered in a weak counter, but the facts piling up just continued. The person he's sleeping with?! The absolute cheek to suggest he'd touched Lan Wangji while he was drunk!

His hands turned to helpless fists at his sides, the urge to dunk this little upstart until he confessed his lies only building. As if Lan Zhan would ever sleep with someone! The man could barely even look at an erotic drawing!

"How can you be so.. so... shameless?!"

He leapt, waterlogged, after Mo Xuanyu.

And there it was. Exactly as expected because it is of course..how he would react if someone did the same thing to him. The water is a terrible thing to try and run in but he has a good several feet of advantage at his disposal and he's going to use it as he throws his hands in the air and trudges into the deeper part of the water as fast as those littler legs can take him.

"Do you really want to know why I am so shameless? Why I know the Lan sect rules? Why I know so much about Lan Wangji? Why all of this is actually making you so incredibly jealous?"

The fact is he has touched a lot of Lan Wangji. And at this point..significantly more then that version of himself has. One of the strange ways that their lives differ is the fact that from the first night that Lan Wangji took him back to Cloud Recesses, he has shared his bed. At first as a means to get him to kick him back out of the place...but things just never seem to go as planned. And in some ways he is certainly glad about that.

As he reaches the deeper water, being an adept swimmer is only going to get him so far but he dives in and swims very quickly to the other side of the pool in the hopes that he can get out before the other can catch him.

Wei Wuxian wastes no time following, throwing off his robe and leaving only his ku trousers as he presses off from the bottom of the pool and surges toward the little gremlin. There might only be a hand's breadth of height between them, but he plans to use every bit to his advantage. If he can't catch him before he starts to get out, he'll just latch onto any limb he can grab and throw him back in!

As if he hasn't already said enough, the imp manages to rattle off more as he tries to escape.

"Just who is jealous?!" he shouts as he reaches for the other man, intent on giving him the dunking of his life.

Jealous?! There was no need! Hanguang Jun was practically a celibate monk! Just the thought of him being with someone was laughable. He'd probably call his partner shameless and walk away before either was even out of their robes! Just the idea of Wei Wuxian being naked in front of him had been enough to make him spit blood!

No, he was definitely just upset and concerned for Hanguang Jun's reputation! Wei Wuxian might tease the man without mercy, but no one else dared to say such things about him!

"There should be a limit to your lies Mo Xuanyu!"

It is a good thing he spent so much time in the water around Lotus Pier. He just hopes this body can keep up with what his soul knows. This is more physical activity then he has had in weeks. He is feeling oddly out of shape and a little out of breath as he moves as fast as his limbs can take him. Once again realizing that this body is far inferior.

"Everything I have said is truth!!" The games he plays. Not only does he have himself after him, but two version of Lan Wangji are likely to string him up by his ankles. Why does he enjoy stirring up trouble? But he really can't help himself. This game is going to have to come to a pretty quick conclusion because if he doesn't actually want to die a second time, the final truth will need to come out. But somehow he thinks that might be the hardest truth for the other version of himself to swallow.

He makes it to the other end of the pool and scrambles up the stairs. Unfortunately his other self is far too close for comfort.

They appear to be more or less evenly matched, but with that tiny bit of height and the righteous anger in defending Hanguang Jun's honor behind him must have helped. Wei Wuxian is just reaching the foot of the stairs as Mo Xuanyu hurries up the steps and he makes a final push, diving for the scrawny legs and giving a violent tug. Would've been much easier in the water, but Mo Xuanyu seems to have thought of everything but what to do if he's actually caught.

"I can forgive you for teasing me, but how can you muddy Hanguang Jun's reputation like that?" he means for his tone to be chiding, but it's more of a grunt as he tries to use his leverage to pull the man back into the pool.

Oh this is going to hurt..a lot..He definitely should have left more space between them. He's at least going to try and fall in the water so that his butt doesn't end up hitting the hard ground. And with some strategic flailing for momentum he does manage to fall back into the water. Which means there is now much flailing and splashing in an effort to get his leg out of his counterparts grasp.

"It would be muddying it if I was telling a complete stranger! But all I'm doing is telling myself!"

That's..one way to put it. But honestly at this point his only thought is to not drown in two fee of water and to get himself free.

As soon as he can drag Mo Xuanyu into the water, the last thing he wants to do is let go. The flailing and thrashing might get the better of a lesser man, but he was grown and raised at Lotus Pier, and he wasn't above fighting a little dirty when the opportunity called for it. With one leg in his grip, he moved to sweep the other out from under Mo Xuanyu to unbalance him, and with any luck, he'd be able to pounce.

The next thing Xuanyu is shrieking seems like mad gibberings of the insane. Telling himself? Either he thought Wei Wuxian was some invisible nothing(to be fair, he had been the one to call his spirit back...), or he'd really lost it and thought he and Wei Wuxian were the same person, just because they tended toward the same colors of clothing.

"Quit talking in crazy circles!" he yelled in exasperation as he put his plan to dunk Xuanyu into action.

He wonders what the Lan Wangji's would do if they found out he was killed by himself. Of course he doesn't actually believe he's going to die by his former body's hands but that doesn't mean the thought isn't there. So what does one do when flailing doesn't work? Go limp.

And so he does. He lets himself get unbalanced and he falls back into the water. Lucky for him, holding his breath is something he can do for lengthy periods of time. He used to play tricks on the others by laying on his stomach in the lake and acting like a dead body, only to lunge at them when they were trying to figure out what had happened. Which means if he goes under, all he has to do is bide his time.

As for talking in crazy circles..well..come on Wei Wuxian. Mo Xuanyu is crazy!

Just who did this bastard think he was? As Mo Xuanyu goes limp, it's enough to overbalance him as well, and while the man gets a good dunking, so does he. Well, he might as well make the most of it. He's no slouch at underwater tactics, and it takes him just a moment to get his bearings and change from dunking to tickling, mercilessly attacking the foot still gripped in his hand. See how he likes that!

It's hard to tell with the ruckus, but does it seem like the waters of the pool are rocking? Like waves? Or is it just the remnants of Mo Xuanyu's earlier thrashing?

He wants to put it aside, after all, he's finally got the upper hand, but... No... there's definitely a sort of deep and troubling rumble. Uh oh.

Tickling?! Okay yes..that is exactly the kind of cruel tactic he would use and trying to resist that while underwater is no easy feat. He kicks out at him and tries to pull his foot away but just as he considers his next option he also feels that rumble.

His eyes go wide. He knows exactly what this is! He saw this happen when he first arrived. He struggles and pops his head out of the water, gasping for air and desperate to get the other man to do the same. The do NOT want to be under water when those waves hit. He sucks in as much air as he can. There is no point in running since they aren't going to outrun those waves. So all they can do is be ready.

He grabs the first thing he can find his happens to be that ponytail and tugs, trying to get the other man to release his foot and get to the surface, "Listen..LISTEN! There is no time for this right now! Things are about to get bad!"

Wei Wuxian takes a couple of kicks, but holds firm, at least until the rumblings. Just as he's about to gleefully shout about his victory, his head snaps back, and he's sputtering, but listening as the sound grows louder and the water around them grows choppier by the moment.

"What... is it?" Any animosity is forgotten in the face of a new threat. It wasn't as if either had a weapon, talismans, or any means of defense. If there really was something awful coming, they might be in some trouble...

"Water. LOTS of it." He looks around quickly. Trying to figure out where the safest part of the pool area might be. He spots the cave and realizes that the walls might be able to block some of the more aggressive waves.

"Head to the cave! Quick!" Since his body has been released and all games are over he is moving as fast as he can to the cave area. It's not completely enclosed and he knows that water will still rise in it but at least it might keep them from being completely caught off guard.

He can already see the waves starting at the other end of the pool area. They don't have long before the whole room is under water.

"Ah-" is all he manages as he scrambles out of the water and after Mo Xuanyu. Cursing his rotten luck because of course it would be a cave. It was always a cave! Caves and bad luck seem to follow him like a pack of hungry street dogs after scraps.

He's waterlogged, but quick enough to follow on Xuanyu's heels. He spares a glance behind them just in time to see the wave that's about to tear through the entire area. Wei Wuxian definitely doesn't make an undignified noise as he sprints toward the cave.

"Go, go, go, go!" his voice seems to raise in pitch with each shout. They're so close, but the water is gaining way too fast!

"Find something and hang on!" Because being picked up by water moving that fast and getting slammed into a wall is not a pleasant experience. At least this cave isn't anything like the ones they are used to. Lit up brightly and clearly more decorative then useful, it isn't nearly as scary as Burial Mounds or the one that housed the old turtle. But right now it is all they have and he almost would take those other caves over what is about to hit them.

He knows they can survive this but it is definitely going to be a bumpy ride. He can hear the water crashing down behind them getting closer and then feels it as it slams into his back, sending him forward the rest of the way into the cave and causing him to scramble for anything to latch onto.

While flying through disaster by the seat of his pants is nothing new, it doesn't make it any less harrowing. The water kicks like a mule and sends him careening forward into the cave. He bounces haphazardly off the wall in a swirl of water, and barely has the sense to scrabble for purchase before he's being tugged away again.

He only just manages a hand-hold and clings to the wall like it's his only lifeline. Which, for all he knows, it may very well be. Once he's stable, he whips around to look for Mo Xuanyu. Did he make it? How were they supposed to get out of here?

Having only managed to find a low part of the wall to clutch too, Wei Wuxian is having a hard time. With each wave that rushes into the cave he feels his grip give out a little more. Every effort to climb higher is thwarted by the fact that the wall is now slick and wet. And so he has been taking the brunt of each attack. Remembering these waves from before it's only a matter of time before someone on staff figures out how to turn it off. He simply needs to hold on and hold out for as long as possible.

Between each wave he sucks in as much air as he can so that his time under water is bearable, knowing that if he lets go and gets sucked under that it will be much harder to get back to air. But it's a good thing he is stubborn and he refuses to let water be his downfall. Not when he grew up around it. Not when he spent his life in it.

The force of the waves and the number is becoming less frequent and although he doesn't want to loosen his grip at all, he becomes hopeful. Unable to even lift his head long enough to look and see if the one in his body managed to hold on.

The water is relentless; just when he thinks it's easing up, the next wave is pushing back. What kind of mad place is this, anyway? How ridiculous for him to return to life, only to drown pitiably in some unknown cave!

It was hard to tell if the splashing was the waves or his own pathetic struggle, but he managed to come up for air a couple times between the onslaught of water. It was several minutes before it receded enough to get his feet under him, but once he could shake his tangle of dark hair out of his face, he tried to spot Mo Xuanyu.

"Hey! You still alive?"

He hears the other's voice and relief washes through him like the waves that don't stop. At least he didn't have to explain to any Lan Wangji's that there was another Wei Wuxian death to deal with. Now that the water is calming, and he feels thoroughly water logged, he looks around and spots the other man on the opposite side of the cave.

"Barely.." He feels like he's drank a month's worth of water, but at least he is still breathing. He'll thank Mo Xuanyu's pitiful little golden core for the little extra boost of strength he might have needed to hold on.

Finally feeling like the waves have stopped being harsh enough, he unlatches himself from the wall. The pool area is thoroughly flooded now, and will stay that way until some staff come to fix it. Which means no matter where they go they will be in water. But at least for now it is water he can sit in and not worry about drowning. Which is what he is going to do now as he tries to regain the strength in his limbs.

Wei Wuxian pulls his hair back into a slightly less disheveled mess, his poor red ribbon grown tattered and frayed at the ends, but still clinging to his hair. It takes a few moments to untangle it, but at least it's out of the way now.

Mo Xuanyu's tired voice echoes toward him and he breathes a sigh of relief to hear it, even as the remaining waves lap his legs. The other man has the right idea, a short rest is definitely in order. He doesn't even bother wringing out his trousers, what would be the point?

"Right," he breathes, just glad for a regular supply of air, "that's a thorough enough dunking for both of us, I think."

"Agreed. I'm ready to not be in water..Games are over. Let's just call a truce." He doesn't have the energy for any more. Unfortunately that also means he would have to start telling the truth. Which isn't exactly going to be an easy conversation. But that can wait until he's sure they aren't going to get attacked by water again.

He wonders if the pool only acts so finicky when new people are around. He hasn't heard of any issues with it since he arrived. Of course it would pick today to malfunction again. Now he has to deal with another version of himself and trying to figure out how to explain that mess. He sighs heavily. This has been one of the most confusing and complicated weeks of his life..and that is saying a lot!

"A truce," he agrees grudgingly, the reminder of all the ridiculous things Xuanyu had said about Lan Wangji prickling back into his memory. His body feels too heavy to keep bullying him over it, and all he wants is some dry clothing and maybe a bottle of good wine to help him forget the day.

"So... Mo Xuanyu... huh," he mulled it over, and actually startled when he realized there was a very important he could ask!.

He turned his arm over, seeing the pale remnants of the scars that symbolized the lives of the Mo family, Xuanyu's last request. But one had stubbornly stayed, and-

Odd. The final cut had scarred over, but it was still an angry dark pink, unnatural, unfinished somehow. The last person he was supposed to take revenge on for Mo Xuanyu, and now the wound had healed. Badly, but there was little threat to his spirit for that.

"You must know who I am then?"

What a complicated question that is..."Yeah..I know who you are." He knows more about him then any other human in the world. Even if their memories are not exact, the gist is there.

"I guess I should start with saying that...this body is that of Mo Xuanyu..but the soul inside of it is not. So if you are going to ask me who you are suppose to take revenge out on..your guess is as good as mine." Because it is his..He saw the looking at that arm and he knew what the question was before it was asked. He had the same ones after all.

Just as he opens his mouth to follow up, to ask about the last person he's supposed to go after, Mo Xuanyu... no, not Mo Xuanyu answers it for him.

"W-w-w-w-wait a second," he shakes his head, trying to make sense of things. Why he'd known so much about the Lans, why he could so easily call his bluff, why he didn't know much about Mo Xuanyu at all... it didn't seem at all possible, but...

"This body belonged to Mo Xuanyu," he repeated, hand on his own chest. It'd changed yes, to match the spirit that inhabited it, but...

"HA! Yeah well..you got the better end of this deal. Apparently where I am from, only my soul gets to come back."

Not bitter. But he knows he probably has to prove it by telling the one thing that only he would know. "If you want further proof, I can tell you about the time we gave up our golden core and the multiple days of misery that was."

He really doesn't want to have to go into that detail but just the fact he knows it should be enough.

HAPPY HEARTS HOTEL

I. THE CASINO FLOOR

II. MAKING WAVES

III. EAT ME, DRINK ME

IV. WELCOME HOME

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